Not a review. Just some observations.
SPLOILERS
Olenna tells Margaery that "The Lannisters still need us." Umwhat. The Greyjoys are up to mischief, but they're only really a problem for Roose Bolton at this point. There's the off chance that Stannis will ally with Dorne, but Tywin would have to be a moron not to try to anticipate that and choke it off. With Robb Stark and Renly Baratheon dead, the War of the Five Kings is essentially over.
Which begs the question- and it's a question I had in the books - why did the Tyrells poison Joffrey (and, yes, the Tyrells poisoned Joffrey with Littleprick's help) before he consummated the marriage? This. Makes. No. Sense.
The stuff with Arya and the Hound was weird - "A man's got to have a code... but f*ck the guest right."
All the stuff up North is annoying. Sam is annoying. Gilly is annoying. The show randomly making up things to compensate for the fact that they have to stretch four episodes' worth of stuff over ten episodes is annoying.
Daenerys telling the slaves they have a choice is nonsense. The Masters of Marine (that's how they pronounce it, they sure as hell aren't saying "Meeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen") have heard her speech, and if they have any brains whatsoever (okay, granted, I don't think Harzoo, Harzoo or Harzoo have a single nerve ending between them, let alone a brain) they would keep their slaves pretty heavily shackled from here on out. So there really isn't a choice.
On the Daario recasting: don't much care one way or the other. Daario thinks he's Sean Connery but he's actually George Lazenby.* Meanwhile, New!Daario evidently thinks he's Indiana Jones. Make of that what you will.
So Dontos the Convenient Plot Contrivance leads Sansa down to Littlefinger's boat. Some smartass on Reddit asks why the weather suddenly changes from clear blue sky to cloudy as f*ck, but my question is why didn't Stannis land his fleet here during the Battle of the Blackwater? (In the books this route is a lot more complicated, but apparently nobody wanted to do climbing stunts in a dress. Speculation.)
Tywin visits Oberyn in a whorehouse, which is really odd, but it has a) Tywin and b) lesbian sex in it, and those are basically the two things I watch the show for (joke!).
Tywin also visits Tommen and starts lecturing him. The rest of the show could be Tywin lecturing everyone forever and I would have no complaints. That scene was awesome. (And, of course, Tywin is the only one who sees Daenerys coming. And as anyone who has read ADWD knows, Dany is an absolute shit queen, to the point where it physically hurts to read her chapters. Tywin, you're awesome.)
And, yes, Jaime raped Cersei in the sept. Everyone complains about the rape, not the incest. I'm being glib but she's a fictional character. Let me be clear here: THIS IS A SIDE EFFECT OF THE SHOW TRYING TO STRETCH FOUR EPISODES' WORTH OF CONTENT OVER TEN EPISODES. Jaime's character arc needs to slow waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down, so we need him to not be a white knight yet. Were there other ways they could have showed he's not a white knight yet? Oh hell yes. Do I really have a complaint about the way they chose to do something I object to them doing in the first place? ...eh.
On the plus side, this episode had neither Millstone (Bran) nor Psychopath (Ramsay). Two massive points in its favor. But it did have Creepy Paedo Guy, aka Littleprick.
Oh and there was a frickin' Monty Python reference. That was awesome.
*I wish I could take credit for that, but that's actually Joss Whedon describing Wesley Wyndam-Pryce on the Buffy Season 3 commentary.
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