A Blog of Thrones (Chapter 47) Eddard XIII: You Say You Want A Revolution

Previously on A Game of Thrones, a B-list character died. The clock is now running; how long will he remain the Most Important Dead Guy?


Ned is having that dream again. The Promise Me Ned one. Also, he is sleeping naked. Great. He is summoned in the middle of the night to Robert's chambers. Even better. It becomes quickly evident that something is very, very wrong.

Man, Cersei acts quickly. Did it not occur to Ned, hey, Robert, maybe something's up with the Lannisters and trust me it's bad news and maybe not trust your squires at all?  No?  Just me?  Oh, right, Littleprick is the only one with any brains in this setting.

Anyway Robert's been gored by a boar. He's dying. For a series that's supposedly full of blood and shit and sex and death, the description of Robert's injuries is fairly tame:

The boar must have been a fearsome thing. It had ripped the king from groin to nipple with its tusks. The wine-soaked bandages that Grand Maester Pycelle had applied were already black with blood, and the smell off the wound was hideous.

Robert decides that the boar was sent by the gods to punish him for having Daenerys killed, and he rescinds the order. For all the good it will do. Word may travel fast to the Kingswood, but not across the Narrow Sea.  The other thing Robert wills is that the boar be served at his funeral. It's good to be the king; I'd totally will that whatever killed me be served at my funeral, but the only thing likely to kill me in the near future is a car wreck and I can't imagine that cars taste very good.  I am open to being surprised.

Oh and Ned forges Robert's will. Ned's supposed to rule until Joffrey comes of age, but he changes that to "until my heir comes of age."

Now, somehow, I still don't know exactly how, I had gotten Stannis Baratheon (who has not appeared on-page yet) and Barristan Selmy mixed up the first time I read this, and I had no frickin' idea what Ned was going on about when he comments to himself that the heir (Stannis Baratheon) is already of age.  Anyway.  I did figure out that R+L=J without the help of the interwebs, so I demand some credit.

Then Robert takes morphine milk of the poppy and goes to sleep.  Pycelle comments that there is no hope for him, since it took two days to drag him back from the Kingswood... Ned's comments about Cersei in this chapter suggest that these events take place less than twenty-four hours after Ned's confrontation with Cersei, but later on Varys suggests that Cersei got word to Lancel to poison Robert... garble argh farble.  I'll work it out then.

So then Renly shows up and tells Ned he should strike, take Joffrey away from his mother, and make sure that everything goes smoothly, but Ned is a) in denial about Robert's chances and b) won't dishonor his last hours by shedding blood and scaring children. Dummy. (Please note, Show-Watchers, that Renly does not make a play for the throne at this point.  He may be a usurper, but he's not dumb enough to try to wrangle Ned Stark into such a plan.)

Ned gives one of his servants a letter to place in the hand of His Grace, Stannis Baratheon. (Please note, Show-Watchers, that that letter never gets there.)

Littleprick enters and reminds us all that Varys is a eunuch. I'd near forgotten. Thank you for that, Littleprick. Then Littleprick makes the suggestion that they play along with Joffrey until Stannis has been dealt with (foreshadowing - Littleprick knows full well that Joffrey is unmanageable, and is making plans to replace him) and then put Renly on the throne.  When Ned says no, Littleprick agrees to get the Gold Cloaks on Ned's side.

Yeah let's see how well that works.