Fortunately it's also the one that actually drives the frickin' plot. So there's that.
Ned Stark is being snarky at Grand Maester Pycelle. Fun fact: in the show, Pycelle is played by Julian Glover, who's gone up against both Roger Moore (in For Your Eyes Only) and Sean Connery (in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade). Oh, and he's gone up against Harry Potter (in The Chamber of Secrets) and Doctor Who (in City of Death), and is basically the only Imperial officer (in The Empire Strikes Back) who doesn't get killed (on-screen, at least). I don't think he registers Lord Stick-Up-His-Bum much of a threat.
Pycelle tells Ned that Lord Tywin is "wroth" (holy sh*t. Blogger recognizes "wroth" but not "teleport." What is this world coming to?) because of the men Ned sent out after Ser Gregor Clegane. Ned replies that Lord Beric rides beneath the king's own banner.
"If Lord Tywin attempts to interfere with the king's justice, he will have Robert to answer to. The only thing His Grace enjoys more than hunting is making war on lords who defy him."Ned... that's actually passing clever. Telling Pycelle not so much, but putting the ball back in Tywin's court vis a vis starting a war is probably the smartest thing you've done all book.
Pycelle runs off to tell the queen. Ned knows this. ...yeah I still wouldn't be playing nasty games with the queen right now. This is a woman who f*cks Kingslayers for breakfast, especially because said Kingslayer is her own brother.
Littleprick comes along and makes a fat joke at the expense of Lady Tanda's daughter, of whom much and more later. Baelish reports that they've found the white hart, only some wolves got to it first. However, a large chunk of the party, including Joffrey and the Hound, have given up and come home. This is bad news for Ned because the Hound isn't thrilled that Ned sent someone else off to kill his brother Gregor. Understand that it's the someone else part that's pissing him off. Ned doesn't seem to quite get that. Littleprick makes another fatty joke and departs. Ned considers telling him all, realizes he's untrustworthy and doesn't, and then, as soon as Littleprick is gone, starts second-guessing himself. Bad Stark! Bad!
Ned remembers the last time royal children got slaughtered and doesn't want any part of it.
Last night he had dreamt of Rhaegar's children[...] the blood did not show so badly against the red cloth. The little princess had been barefoot, still dressed in her bed gown, and the boy... the boy...Hmm, I say. I'll just leave it at that, rather than grasp at straws.
Ned summons his servants to help him limp to the godswood, has the guard on his tower doubled (second-smartest thing he's done all book), and sends for the queen (eek! Abort! Abort! Danger!)
Cersei shows up and cheerily confesses to being in a creepy incestuous relationship with her twin brother. Then when he starts making a fuss about honor she brings up the whole "you fathered a bastard" thing.
"Tell me, my honorable Lord Eddard, how are you any different from Robert, or me, or Jaime?" "For a start," said Ned, "I do not kill children."R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J R+L=J
Anyway. Ned tells Cersei to run, because he doesn't want children to die. Also because when Robert comes back, finds out what happened, and murders Tywin Lannister's daughter and grandchildren, blood will really flow, but Ned doesn't bother saying that.
Cersei reminds Ned about that time that King's Landing fell and Ned found Jaime on the Iron Throne. And then she drops the title and leaves.
Ned you frickin idiot eh I can't really be bothered it's par for the course as far as his grand political stragetery is concerned.
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