Bronn and Tyrion are arguing about how to survive in a land where everyone hates them and wants them dead.
Sums up the entire series.
Tyrion wants to build a fire. Bronn wants to ride like thunder until he's out of the mountains. By the way, here's Tyrion being insensitive: not half a page has elapsed since he noticed that Bronn cracked a tooth fighting to save his life, and Tyrion says,
"Lady Lysa has kindly provided us with a veritable feast of salt beef, hard cheese, and stale bread, but I would hate to break a tooth so far from the nearest maester."
Smooth, halfman. Real smooth.
"You had no lord, no duty, and precious little honor."Okay, I got the method. Tyrion is tactless.
"If truth be told, you and Chiggen were lowborn scum."Okay, dude. This guy is the only man for leagues who is a) capable of and b) willing to defend your halfass, and you can't stop insulting him for two sentences.
Bronn agrees with me:
"You have a bold tongue, little man. One day someone is like to cut it out and make you eat it."...please? With a cherry on top? Not like I hate Tyrion (I don't have enough hate left after I'm done with Bran), but he would so deserve it, and it probably would keep him out of trouble thereafter.
Anyway, Tyrion bribes Bronn with a crapton of gold to keep him alive. Which at least speaks to a certain low cunning, as a sellsword is going to care the most about gold.
No, wait, a sellsword is going to care the most about his own neck. Didn't Bronn just get done saying that they couldn't fight their way out of the Vale? And now he's helping Tyrion light a fire? What the f*ck, book.
After two pages of messing around/making friends/padding, Tyrion starts whistling a tune the first girl he ever bedded knew. His brother saved her from a bunch of rapists, and then he got drunk and slept with her.
I'm being a little glib here, but that's basically what happened.
Tyrion and Tysha were hanging out at an inn while Jaime rode back to Casterly Rock for help. Why did Jaime ride off without them? What's Tyrion going to do against a small pack of bandits, throw Daddy's money at them? Anyway they had some food and some wine and slept together, and then Tyrion went and married her because he was in wuv.
I dared not bring my bride home to Casterly Rock, so I set her up in a cottage of her own.O... kay, that makes sense. I guess. I mean, considering what a hardass he is, Tywin Lannister apparently gives Tyrion an ample allowance- no you know what this makes no f*cking sense. Prepare thyself for a rant, for a rant cometh.
Tywin despises Tyrion as an ill-formed little creature that killed the one thing on Earth that Tywin loved. Why does he give Tyrion an allowance, especially when he knows that Tyrion is going to go waste it on whores? Why did Tywin not pack Tyrion off to the Wall the way Sam's father did? Why didn't Tywin pack Tyrion off to the Citadel? 1) Clearly the Imp has a brain between his ears, 2) it would force him to ditch the family name so he couldn't inherit Casterly Rock, 3) I'm not aware that maesters have to take a vow of celibacy (and Show!Pycelle, for, one, certainly didn't).
YOU DO NOT GIVE SHITLOADS OF GOLD TO CHILDREN YOU DESPISE AND THEN LET THEM PISS IT AWAY ON HOOKERS AND BLOW, NOT IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN THE RICHEST MAN IN THE SEVEN KINGDOMS! F*CK!
This wouldn't bug me as much as it does except the Tyrion/Tywin relationship (no, not like that) is such an integral part of the series. And it doesn't make an iota of sense.
After I've finished putting the book through a wall, Tyrion and Bronn are ambushed by a pack of bandits, and Tyrion throws Daddy's money at them.
Well, f*ck me.
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