A bunch of stupid predictions about the Ramsay Snow fanfic called Game of Thrones

Spoilers, obviously.

For the Watch
No-brainer. The only questions I have are 1) will it spoil TWOW by having Jon warg into Ghost (like that's been properly set up) or come back to life, 2) will Ser Alliser participate (I hope not, because I privately like that guy), 3) shouldn't, logically, Sam (please?*) and Tormund (nooooo) get knifed too here?

*I will stop hating on Sam if he kills Brutus That Random Son Of One Of The Producers Olly.

The Battle of Ice
Ramsay Sue slays Satannis in single combat, shirtless. Ramsay Sue slays Brienne in single combat, pantsless. Then he rapes her corpse for five minutes while the camera focuses on Reek's face. Then he flays Pod's member off.

Realistically: Stannis and Roose die. Ramsay and Brienne may or may not survive.

Sansa's Corkscrew
Is a Westerosi clotheshangar. Yes it's as terrible as it sounds.

Reek
Dies, horribly, after single-handedly carrying Sansa out of the castle and saving her and being all brave and proactive about it. If Sansa's allowed to fluctuate wildly in characterization from episode to episode then by golly, so is he!

Cersei
Does the Walk of Shame, meets FrankenGregor. Titties excuse the inevitable awful execution of this sequence.

Littleprick
Murdered by Varys alongside Pycelle and Kevan. Alternatively, warps back to Winterfell only to get stabbed in the neck by Sansa's corkscrew.

Daenerys
Ah, here's the wild card, isn't it? After all, we know that someone was down in Dorne, that someone was a "she," and nobody's allowed to say anything more. Well, my personal theory is that Dany just sort of wanders around out in the desert, because that someone in Dorne is...

Lady Stoneheart
Shows up out of nowhere and attacks Jaime, injuring/killing Myrcella and starting (somehow) a war between the Lannisters and Dorne.

Saint Tyrion
Solves every problem in Meereen in one day by virtue of not being Daenerys. Then goes off to run the Iron Bank.

Upjumped Sellsword With Titty Daggers
In a surprise twist, has gay sex with Jorah and catches greyscale.