Lucas TTS 4: Puke Flytalker

PAAAAAAAAAART FOUR

If the Lucas had a text-to-speech device, episode 3

(the following day)

LI: Good morning, my liege.

GL: Good morning, interchangeable faceless lackey.

LI: Did you sleep well?

GL: Actually, after I rebooted, I found a movie on the internet called Jurassic World. Parts of it made my brain hurt but on the whole I found it a rather inoffensive soft reboot.

LI: Uh-huh.

If the Lucas had a text-to-speech device, episode 2

(after the Lucas AI has been given a stuffed Chewbacca doll to cling to, the conversation continues)

GL: Okay. So this crew of incompetent fucksticks were content to let Rian Johnson shit verbal diarrhea all over a script and then they went and shot it without doing any edits or asking anyone if it was any good.

LI: Basically, yeah.

GL: And part of this involved a romantic subtext between Rey and the guy with the stupidest fucking name ever.

LI: Kylo Ren.

GL: I forbid you to ever say that name ever again.

LI: Understood, my liege.

If the Lucas had a text-to-speech device

In the year 2058, with Disney's Star Wars lying in tattered ruins, one lowly Lucasfilm intern gets the idea to ask George Lucas for help restoring it. Unfortunately, Lucas has long since gone to the Great Big Death Star In The Sky, so the intern does the next best thing, reconstructing an AI out of old Lucas interviews (from before the prequels, naturally). The following is a transcript of their first conversation: