In the year 2058, with Disney's Star Wars lying in tattered ruins, one lowly Lucasfilm intern gets the idea to ask George Lucas for help restoring it. Unfortunately, Lucas has long since gone to the Great Big Death Star In The Sky, so the intern does the next best thing, reconstructing an AI out of old Lucas interviews (from before the prequels, naturally). The following is a transcript of their first conversation:
Idea stolen from here, obviously.
George Lucas: So what is with this "Reylo" bullshit that I keep hearing about?
Lucasfilm Intern: Oh, it's this thing that was shipped by the fans-
GL: "Shipped?"
LI: You know, like Kirk and Spock or Rian Johnson and his reflection. Anyway the fans really got into it after Episode VII, so when it came time to do Episode VIII, they naturally-
GL: Stuck meticulously to the story exactly as they had intended and planned from the beginning?
LI: Planned from the beginning? Of course not, my divine liege, they made it up as they went along.
GL: I guess that could work. I mean, I didn't decide Vader was Luke's father until the second or third draft of Empire. But of course, I have stuck to the official story that I had the whole thing planned from the start.
LI: Oh, that's not what we did here. We told everyone that we were totally winging it!
GL: What the fuck.
LI: Yup, the whole world knows that Rian Johnson made the whole thing up on the fly, in one draft too!
GL: (crashes and reboots from anger) Then I had to come up with that "from a certain point of view" bullshit to keep the fans satisfied.
LI: Yeah, we don't worry about that sort of thing. Why, one of the most popular images of Rian Johnson shows him holding up a card saying "your Snoke theory sucks!"
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