PAAAAAAAAAART FOUR
GL: So. That happened.
LI: I'm afraid so.
GL: Luke Skywalker, who redeemed Darth Vader, the guy so unconscionably evil that he murdered fucking children, attempted to murder Han's asshole son because he had a vision that he would turn evil.
LI: Yep.
GL: And then, Luke Skywalker, the guy who out-dueled Darth Vader, got his ass handed to him by a barely-trained snotling who then murdered all of his students.
LI: Yup.
GL: And then, Luke Skywalker, the guy who stayed in the Death Star trench even as his wingmen were being shot to smithereens, decided to fuck off to some island planet and let the galaxy go to shit.
LI: Pretty much.
GL: But not before leaving a map behind so that he could be found. Even though he did not want to be found.
LI: Indeed.
GL: It sounds like you're exactly the sort of yes-man who would say this nonsense was a good idea.
LI: Quite so.
GL: Okay. I want you to consider something. What was the smartest thing I ever did?
LI: Get out of the studio system?
GL: No. Are you kidding me? That shit drove me to a mental breakdown and a divorce.
LI: Um, invent the metal bikini.
GL: Aside from that, I mean.
LI: All out of ideas.
GL: I kept the merchandising rights for myself. You see, I knew that every child in the world would want action figures of all the fun and badass characters I put in my movies. I may have stretched things a little far with the teddy bears, but that was just to prove a point. People will buy any toys as long as the movie is good.
LI: Some would say you stretched that point too far with the prequels.
GL: They should be thankful I toned it down after the marketing boys said no-one would buy a book called Robert's Rules of Order: Galactic Senate Edition.
LI: Um?
GL: Anyway, the point is, people want toys of heroes. I wanted to sell toys. So that is why I made Luke a hero. It sounds like you made him a bitch.
LI: Yes, well, we had to do that because otherwise he always overshadowed Rey, who was supposed to be the heroine.
GL: Why?
LI: Well...
No comments:
Post a Comment