If the Lucas had a text-to-speech device, episode 2

(after the Lucas AI has been given a stuffed Chewbacca doll to cling to, the conversation continues)

GL: Okay. So this crew of incompetent fucksticks were content to let Rian Johnson shit verbal diarrhea all over a script and then they went and shot it without doing any edits or asking anyone if it was any good.

LI: Basically, yeah.

GL: And part of this involved a romantic subtext between Rey and the guy with the stupidest fucking name ever.

LI: Kylo Ren.

GL: I forbid you to ever say that name ever again.

LI: Understood, my liege.



GL: So tell me more about these characters.

LI: Well, Rey is a desert scavenger who grew up on a desert planet not knowing her real parents.

GL: Okay.

LI: She is crazy good at the whole Jedi thing and the theme John Williams wrote for her was a not-remotely-subtle remix of the Emperor's theme.

GL: Oh, okay, so she is Palpatine's daughter or granddaughter or something.

LI: Er.

GL: And it's a story of her quest to undo her ancestor's mistakes even though it is too late to redeem him. That is an interesting twist on what I wrote. I can see why such a thing would be worthy of the name "Star Wars."

LI: Actually, her parents are nobodies.

(sound of Chewbacca doll being torn in half)

GL: What?

LI: Yeah, they're not important.

GL: That is really stupid. What about the guy with the stupidest fucking name ever?

LI: He's Han and Leia's son. He was corrupted to the Dark Side-

GL: How?

LI: -by Supreme Leader Snoke-

GL: Who the fuck names this shit?

LI: -and he's so concerned about falling back to the Light-

GL: That is not how the Force works.

LI: It's funny you should say that, my liege, because that's what Han said in Episode VII shortly before Ky-

(GL's eyes start glowing)

LI: uh, the guy with the stupidest fucking name ever totally skewered him with his lightsaber.

GL: What the fuuUUUuuuUUUuUUuUuUUUUUUuuuUUuuck?