I have friends (I question their judgment). They try to get me interested in modern music (I continue to question their judgment). As a result I've been exposed to a lot of awful crap and would like to throw some advice out there to anyone aspiring to play three chords on a guitar and get laid.
1) learn how to sing.
This is critical. If you're trying to ape John Lennon's nasal whine, you should be aware that that's far and away my least favorite thing about The Beatles. I am deadly serious: I would rather listen to "Revolution 9" on repeat for eternity than "Tomorrow Never Knows" on repeat for eternity. So, please, learn how to sing.
2) no, seriously, learn how to sing.
Some of you sorry sacks out there can't even ape John Lennon's nasal whine. If you can't carry a tune, you might be able to get away with shouting backing vocals, provided they're really easy. But for the love of God, stay away from the mic.
3) be influenced by good classic acts.
Really anything from the Beatles to Iron Maiden to Queen to Black Sabbath to AC/DC to Pink Floyd.
4) wear those influences on your sleeve.
I'm not going to accuse you of plagiarism: I like Led Zeppelin (mostly).
5) learn how to sing.
The "(mostly)" comes into play when Robert Plant starts screeching, whether it's reaching for notes he can't hit or just forgetting that he's not a woman.
6) don't clip your album all to hell.
So you can sing. And you've got at least one other bandmate with cognizable talent. Great! And you've gotten a recording contract. Super! Now, record your album at a volume that will allow your consumers to actually appreciate it.
7) learn how to sing.
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