A Blog of Thrones (Chapter 54) Daenerys VI: Bond Villain Stupidity

Previously on A Blog of Thrones, Bran was mopey. But not because he was a cripple, for once.

Daenerys is naked again, because she spends an awful lot of this book in fairly compromising positions. Speaking of fairly compromising positions, I thought I'd share with you the sexiest thing I found on Reddit the weekend of the nude celeb photo scandal. It's just below the fold (and perfectly safe for work).



That's what we call a "teaser," folks.

Anyway, let's put these flimsy excuses to show you literally the only picture of a woman smoking that I find even remotely attractive aside, and get back to rough barbarian sex.

Dany is entreating Drogo to go fight a war and win a throne for her unborn son. Yeah, okay, he's their unborn son, but still. Not happening. So he goes of to hunt a great beast and Hey Waitaminute.

Raise your hand if you think this is going to end well. If your hand is up, keep it there. You won't be able to turn the pages, and your life will probably be a bit less depressing on account of that fact.

Dany sends for Jorah, who counsels patience. Maybe that's good advice for a) uppity princelings who want their crowns of gold and b) fans who would rather the author finish the series before he drops dead. Hmm. Further research required.

Dany decides to go down to the market. The text notes that she's expected, in Dothraki custom, to ride on horseback even though she's ready to pop, but because her husband isn't there, she rides in a litter instead. Y'know, because she's not Dothraki. (Now, if only George didn't spend five books telling us what else Dany is not instead of what Dany is, and oh look there I've gone and gotten impatient, I'll just pop off for my crown of gold now. Message received loud and clear.)

So anyway, George says that Dany doesn't really know what "home" is for her, spends a page describing stuff, and then says that "the Western Market smelled of home." Oh. Okay then. Yay consistency.

So after wandering around in the market for a bit, she stumbles across the wine-seller who tries to poison her. This enrages Drogo and he promises to sack the Seven Kingdoms for her and her son.

Y'see, Bobby B - incidentally, they've got a message from the Kingdoms, but they don't know yet that the king's dead - you don't poke sleeping tigers. It's like in, say, Moonraker (the film, not the novel, which you should read because it's smashing), where Bond's only clue that Drax is a badhat for the first half of the film is because one of his minions tried to kill him. Guys: Do Not Call Attention To Yourselves. Is very simple, yes?

Alright, now, I put that picture of Marlene Dietrich up at the top there partly as a really lame joke and partly to make the point that people could be sexy as all f*ck with their clothes still on. Since a) I'm not above equal-opportunity fanservice and b) I'm name-dropped James Bond already, I'll close this out with some Sean Connery, circa From Russia With Love.