A Game of Thrones: Eddard IV: Small Council, Big Plans

There's actually a creepy little dance going on with the chapter numbers between chapters 16 and 27. It goes (taking out the character's name), 3, 4, 3, 4, 3, 2, 3, 4, 5, 4.


So this is the chapter where Ned meets the small council for the first time. Show-watchers: remember the scene where the messenger tool asks Ned if he wants to change and Ned just stares at him with an are you f*cking kidding me expression? Yeah, that's because TV Ned ain't got time fo' dat shit, son. Book!Ned changes out of his riding clothes and into borrowed garments because apparently he's brought a whole freaking wagon train with him, not just a handful of extras, and his clothes are all the way at the back.

Martin describes the council room by telling you where the tapestries and carpets and whatnot are from. Myr and Norvos and Qohor and Lys. Where are these places? They're not on that map at the beginning. (By the way, why in the seven hells are the giant character lists at the end of the novel? I flipped to them during A Sword of Storms and found myself one page shy of a massive spoiler in the Epilogue.)

The first councilor Ned meets is the eunuch Varys. In case you've forgotten from that Catelyn chapter where we met him and Littlefinger, Varys is a eunuch. He titters like a little girl, his breath smells like flowers, and his hands are powdered and moist. Also he has no balls. The narration won't let you forget any of this, but particularly the part where his genitals were slashed off.

So when TV!Varys tells him that they're praying for Joffrey's recovery, TV!Ned notes that no-one said a prayer for the butcher's boy the Hound murdered. Book!Ned not so much.

Renly Baratheon is the spitting image of his brother Robert, back when his brother Robert was young and, y'know, not freaking phat. (My spellcheck recognizes "phat" but not "y'know.") He was eight during the rebellion, which was 14 years ago, so he's 22 now. (Tyrion is supposed to be something like 24, by the way. The show aged up everybody because of, y'know, Dragon Lady Boobs.) Renly's wearing green and gold, which are the Tyrell colors. Raise your hand if you think this is a coincidence, and then show yourself out.

Show watchers might be interested to note that that ridiculous chain Julian Glover wears as Grand Maester Pycelle is more or less what's described on the page. So Catelyn clawing her face off at the end of the Red Wedding was vetoed for being too silly, but this was left in. Go figure.

The rest of this scene plays out the way it does in the show. Robert commands Ned to further bankrupt the treasury by hosting a tournament, Ned leaves in disgust, Littlefinger follows him to tell him to follow him.  Then this gem happens.

"This is not the way to my chambers," Ned said.

"Did I say it was? I'm leading you to the dungeons to slit your throat and seal your corpse up behind a wall," Littlefinger replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Between all the R+L=J, the Red Wedding stuff, and now this, I think we've reached a critical mass of Foreshadowing The Show Has Left Out.

Then we have the Ned And Catelyn And Littlefinger In The Brothel Scene, which plays out basically the same way as in the show, except here Littlefinger goes out of his way to remind us all that Varys has no balls. It's been something like five pages, George. We have literally thousands of characters to keep track of here. If you don't trust us to remember whose junk is intact and whose isn't, we're going to have a problem.