Previously on My Great Summer Vacation by Khaleesi, Viserys was a tool and Frodo, son of Drogo was conceived. We now return to my least favorite POV character in the entire series and his nincompoop father.
"In the yard below, Rickon ran with the wolves."
Oh. Bloody fantastic. Start our Crippled Kid chapter by having him watch his kid brother run around. Tell you what. You take a drink every time Bran feels sorry for himself this chapter, and I won't play Russian Roulette every time we cut back to Bran for no reason between now and the next book. (I swear, Jaime, you couldn't have pushed just a little harder...)
Bran's shut up in his room with Old Nan and her stories, because apparently Bran's room is now where they keep the useless people. She doesn't know how old she is or which Brandon Stark she came to Winterfell to nurse. Because I've got to get through this chapter somehow I'm going to assume she's a Time Lord.
Maester Luwin says that ravens often get lost between here and King's Landing, but Raven E-mail will work just fine for the rest of the series, so we'll assume that this, like Tyrion's acrobatics in Jon's first chapter, is something George passively retconned later on.
Anyway, Old Nan starts telling the GRRM version of The Lord of the Rings - an epic quest against ultimate evil where all the adventurers but one die - but before she can explain what happened to the last one she's interrupted and this is never picked up on again. But don't kid yourself; this is important. It's probably the reason why this chapter exists at all.
Show fans: Hodor's real name is Walder. As in, he shares a first name with Walder Frey. Remember that the next time someone Hodors at you.
Tyrion's back from the Wall, and there's a rather tense confrontation between him and Robb the Lord. Seems nobody told Bran that the prime suspect behind his unfortunate crippling (unfortunate in the sense that it didn't kill him) is Tyrion's older brother. The tension is relieved a bit when Tyrion reveals that he's designed a saddle that a cripple like Bran can ride. The C-word makes Bran upset, and therefore makes my day. Then the tension returns when the direwolves try to take a bite out of Tyrion.
Bran has a dream he does his best not to remember. It relates to the defining moment of his life, namely him being pushed out a window. The next morning, Yoren (you know, the guy Tyrion's going south with) tells Robb and Bran that Benjen's gone missing. Robb has a bit of a freakout and Bran claims that the children of the forest will find him. Which, if Coldhands is Benjen, is probably true. Robb tells Bran that since he can ride again, they'll go on an adventure.
Of course, events are conspiring to prevent that from ever happening. In King's Landing, Ned meets with Pycelle and learns that Jon Arryn was studying a ponderous tome on genealogy right before he died. On his deathbed he apparently conferred with Robert, but didn't tell him anything (this is Pycelle telling this, so take that with a grain of salt).
This is, as Lord Tywin would say, passing clever. The first person Ned talks to is the most direct culprit for Jon's death still in the city, so of course he's going to throw out false leads for Ned to follow. They're not particularly impressive false leads, of course, because Pycelle is small fish compared to Littlefinger or Varys.
Ned meets Arya doing the stand-on-one-foot thing and they talk. Arya wonders what Bran will do when he comes of age and Ned tells her that that's still a long way away. Hey wait, Bran said he was eight and almost a man grown. Which is it? Also, Ned seems to believe that Bran will never be able to lie with a woman. Which would mean that the only hope of House Stark carrying on after A Dance with Dragons is Rickon. Oh joy.
Littlefinger visits and tells Ned that Jon Arryn's squire, Hugh, now Ser Hugh, is still in town. Amazingly, Littlefinger makes an appearance and Varys is discussed, but only Ned calls him a eunuch.
No comments:
Post a Comment