Nefertiti is smoochin on the Doctor when he gets some sort of call. A ship the size of Canada is coming to Earth, sometime in the future. Neffi is with him for... some reason. They have six hours until the ship gets within missile range. And the guy from Sherlock is there too. He's a safari guy from 1902. And Mr. Weasley. Who is Rory's Dad. The Doctor abducts them all - by which I mean Amy, Rory, and Mr. Rory, and goes onto the ship with Lestrade (Riddell) and Nef. The Doctor says Hi to Brian (Mr. Rory) as only he can. Amy's annoyed because she thinks Neffi and Udell have replaces her and Rory. A door opens and dinosaurs come out.
I can't decide to go with a Jurassic Park joke, or an Earthshock joke.
Riddell wants to shoot them, but the Doctor says no. Wait why did he bring this guy?
Anyway the Doctor uses his magic wand to make the computer talk to them, but then he ends up on a beach. The beach is humming. The Doctor has Christmas list. There's a floor under the beach. Some guy is watching them. He tells someone or something to "bring them to me." Meanwhile, Amy, Riddell and Nef are having a spat about gender issues and Nef doesn't know how to high-five. And then they stumble onto a sleeping teenage T-rex. Then they see a shadow on the wall, just like in Jurassic Park. Lestrade makes his way over some obvious CGI and Amy says she's a queen.
It turns out the beach is the engine room. It's a spaceship powered by waves. Somehow. Then they're attacked by Pterodactyls. They can't teleport out because of technobabble. So they run into some cliffs. Which are a part of the engine-room-beach because plot. Then robots arrive. They're very cross with the Doctor.
Amy turns the lights on. Dino shadows chase them around. And then we see a Silurian on the video-record. The Silurians herded dinosaurs onto a space-ark, but one of the species wasn't adapting. And now there aren't any Silurians on the ship. Another spacecraft has boarded it in the meantime..
The Doctor calls one of the robots "Rusty." Heh. Speaking of Heh, after a Triceratops snifs Brian's balls and licks his face, the Doctor and company are taken to see Walder Frey/Argus Filch/William Hartnell. He's familiar with the Doctor, and his name is Solomon. He was attacked by Velociraptors and rescued by the robots, and he might be dying. And he's actually not familiar with the Doctor, he just thought the Doctor was a... doctor. And he wants the Doctor to fix his legs. When the Doctor gets nosy, Frey has Rory's dad injured by one of the robots.
Amy finally just calls Rory and tells him it's a Silurian ship.
Walder says he's transporting the ship to some colony. And then he scans the Doctor and finds out how much he's worth. Except that value is "nothing" because the Doctor doesn't exist. He's "no one." Hey, Walder, hopefully you'll be meeting another "no one" in the near future.
Anyway, Amy tells the Doctor that it's a Silurian ship. And the Doctor fixes Frey's leg and then asks what happened to the Silurians. He airlocked them. And then the ship autopilot dragged him back to Earth. The Doctor tells him about the missiles but he doesn't believe him. Because bad guys never believe the Doctor.
Anyway the Doctor escapes with Rory and Rory's Dad and they ride a Triceratops. It's a pretty silly scene, and I'm not at all clear that they saved any time doing it. Also the robots are slower than the Borg.
Riddell gets his hands on some firepower. They're stun guns, so Amy approves. She sees the Doctor snog Rory full on the lips, and I'm not sure she approves of that.
Anyway Frey shows up again and decides he wants something even more valuable than the dinosaurs: Nef! He has one of his robots shoot the Triceratops because he's an evil snot. Then Nef, Amy and Ridell are transported to Frey. It was Nef's idea. And Frey straight-up says he's gonna rape her, and then takes her back to his ship.
The Doctor goes to the control deck. He magnatized the hull so Frey can't escape. Ridell gets a chance to go Robert Muldoon on the Raptors. And they flank him, obviously.
Rory and Rory's Dad have to fly the ship because of plot. Amy and the Doctor have a big "it's the end of the world and we're talking about our personal problems" scene.
Well, Riddell fared better than Muldoon, so he and Amy get to go fight Raptors again. He's a chauvinist but he's clearly enjoying having Amy shooting right alongside him.
The Doctor teleports to Frey's shuttle, and shorts out the robots. They sing "Daisy Bell" as they die. Nef turns the tables on Frey. And the Doctor leaves him him on the shuttle after he reconfigures the shuttle to emit the signal the missiles are chasing. And a million Game of Thrones fans cry out in joy.
Meanwhile Riddell and Amy have stopped all the Raptors. Day saved, Rory's Dad gets to see Earth from way the hell up in space. Space space, gotta see space. I'm in space.
But, hey, remember that time the Brigadier killed a bunch of Silurians? I guess the difference is the Brig was a generally decent person, whereas Walder Frey was... well, Walder Frey.
5 out of 10. Fun guest stars, but a tad overstuffed and more than a little incoherent.
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