ADWD Daenerys I

I was most of the way through this chapter before I realized that there wasn't a five-year gap between books 3 and 4/5.  I just need to get that out of the way, because Dany's suddenly a world-weary queen who skipped school on the day she was supposed to teach her dragons not to roast children. Because they taste better lightly seared! Hoyo!

That's this chapter in a nutshell, folks, but for those who want more, read on...
The very first sentence is a massive cocktease. Man, all the language in these reviews. But I'm sorry, there's no other word for it. "She could hear the dead man coming up the steps." For a couple of brief, joyous paragraphs, Martin teased me into thinking Dany was going to get to execute someone and remind everyone that you just don't mess with Daenerys Stormborn the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, Queen of the Try To Fit All This On A Business Card, etc.

No. It's not a guy she's going to have executed. It's a dead guy. And he's not so much coming up the steps as being borne up them. And instead of being awesome, Dany realizes that she's basically gone and occupied a city on the wrong continent, and nobody wants her there (least of all the reader). If this weren't a sequel to a book published before 9/11 I'd draw the wrong conclusions. And I really hope GRRM isn't soiling his epic fantasy with temporal political commentary. That would disappoint me more than all ten Brienne chapters in the last book put together.

After putting on her toga tokar, she holds court in the company of guys with names like Lozhar qo Loqquo (note: I just made that name up) and Tali'Zorah vas Neema nar Rayya (note: wrong series, wrong medium, wrong genre) who want her to re-open the slave-fighting pits or charge a man with rape because he had sex with a bed-slave back when this was a slave city. Dany declines to do either. I hope this is a lesson for those of us who want to see more reasonable moderates in Congress. Reasonable moderates don't please anybody. (And yes, I'm allowed to soil my epic blog with temporal political commentary. This despite the fact that this blog is titled The Daily Dose of Dirty Deeds and my word count per minute is still probably less than GRRM's. Because it's my blog and I'm allowed to make all the stupid double standards I want. And if you don't like it, get the hell out of my city and go back to one of those other slave cities.)

No, wait, sorry, I was thinking along the lines of "things Dany should say at one point."

I have to say something about the names. It's much easier for me, as an avid consumer of science fiction and fantasy, to care about people when I can remember their freakin' names. You may recall that in my Doctor Who and Babylon 5 reviews I've occasionally referred to people as "blue face," or "Mantis Man" because I don't remember their names and their characters didn't make enough of an impression on me to care. Something similar is happening here. I read this chapter four days ago, and I haven't finished the next one yet, and all I can remember about it is that there's a guy called the Shavepate because he's bald when most of the Meereenese folks are decked out like they're watching the Hunger Games or something, and Barristan Selmy's in it but he doesn't do anything. I am only an obscure blogger and know little the ways of storytelling, but it seems to me that having eight or nine guys with lots of zs and kz in their names and _o for their middle names just doesn't make it at all easy for the reader to follow along. I mean, yeah, Walder Frey has a ton of sons and grandsons named Walder Frey, but none of them matter, except for the ones that do, who are distinguished by adjectives: Big Walder, Black Walder, etc. And yes, I get that the similar names imply a similar heritage, and their unfamiliarity helps sell the notion that we're in an unfamiliar land. I understand all that. But nowhere am I required to like it.

Okay, rant over. Shavepate wants Dany to butcher some noble sons because one of her eunuch soldiers was stabbity-stab-stabbed in a back alley. Reznak mo Reznak - if he were the one out for blood instead of the conciliator I'd be calling him Rasczak in a heartbeat - says it'd probably not be a smart idea to turn all the rich influence peddlers against her. A guy from Astapor says his king wants to marry her, and Dany's not at all interested in wedding him, but I get the sense that marriage is on her mind. I mean, she had to make do with some handmaiden action in the last book. HBO! I mean... George!

Anyway, to tie things in with what I said back at the top of the post, somebody mentions that this is the sixth time the King of Astapor asked for her hand. I originally didn't think too much of that, but then it dawned on me that Dany has been ruling Meereen for all of six days. I was kind of rooting for her, but I'm not sure I want the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm to be, well, this politically incompetent. I get that she could just be biding her time until her dragons are big enough to roast whole armies, but she might want to plan on living that long.

Speaking of roasting, the last petitioner dumps the charred bones of a child at her feet. Yeah. Dragons are burning children to death now. Boom. End chapter.