For starters, there was that loony in the scarf who completely...
I can't. I'm sorry, I can't actually do an April Fools post when the whole world seems to be in bizarro land.
In happier news, the monkeys are not learning how to open doors or fire guns. We have nothing to fear. I promise. And even if we did, all they'd want is a bunch of bananas. But we're fine. The monkeys are not using the internet to coordinate a massive uprising.
In unrelated news, it would be nice if there were a few more people on hand to feed the monkeys their bananas and also shovel the... ahem, out of the monkey cages. Just to be nice to our fellow primates.
And the "national monkey alert" you're likely to hear later today is just Uncle Sam testing the national monkey alert system. There's a clause buried in the Statute of Limitations that says they have to do that once every 71 years. The last time they did it, it was a send-off to the Marx Brothers.
So to repeat, there is no need to hoard bananas to use later on to appeal to our new opposeable-toed overlords.
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