The Christmas windfall has come, and yours truly has two new Doctor Who DVDs to take a gander at. First up, the serial that could have saved the show from cancellation in 1989, if only an accountant wasn't the producer.
In the four Season 26 scripts, the plot is like an iceberg and the Doctor is like Sherlock Holmes. By that I mean there's about a billion wheels turning, and the audience is only clued in to about three of them. Unfortunately, one of these scripts is a whole lot weaker than the other three, and despite the decision to spend most of the advertising budget on The Curse of Fenric, John Nathan-Turner then decided to air it third and put the subpar Battlefield first. And thus, the show was axed.
The plot of Curse is this: Admiral Wellington and his old academy friend, Dr. Judson, have concocted a scheme to poison the Soviets, who are on their way to steal the British Ultima machine. Jolly good show, I say. They also have a second plan to unleash the curse of Fenric, though how aware they are of the Curse and their role in it seems to vary from episode to episode. Bash Saward's tenure as script editor all you want, at least his stories could be followed by the average idiot; for all the credit Andrew Cartmel gets, it's damn near impossible to figure out exactly what Wellington's ultimate aim with the Curse is.
Anyway it all horribly backfires and we get an aesop about cooperating with the Soviets - all nice and good now that the cold war's ending, but Malcolm Hulke did it a lot better (though with considerably more "subtlety" - I have to put that word in quotes because even that wasn't really subtle) back in 1973.
Meanwhile the Doctor gets to be all mysterious for four episodes and Ace nicely calls him out on it - unintentionally foreshadowing some of the stuff Martha and Donna will rag on Ten about. Given how bloated the script was, with the Special Edition in hand it's kind of curious to see the scenes that got left in - Rev. Wainwright's monologue in the church could have been cut in order to make Episode 1 end where it should have, and there's some critical dialogue that unbelievably got left out of Episode 4.
And finally, the chess problem makes absolutely no sense. As far as I can tell, Sorin!Fenric knocks over the white king with a white pawn. Um, okay, I'm pretty sure "break the basic rules of Chess" is not one of the ways to solve chess problems.
Well that's the flaws in the story. As broadcast, it's a horrible jumbled mess that might just have saved the show if it had been broadcast first as originally intended. Unfortunately, the show was run by an accountant who thought it would be better to air the scary story around Halloween. I give that version a 7 out of 10.
The special edition (available on disc 2 of the DVD) ties up several loose ends (though it still doesn't explain why Ace can hear machinery in the crypt, or what that noise is supposed to signify - it's either Wellington's poison being manufactured or something to do with Fenric, but in either case, why can't the Doctor hear it?), stitches scenes back together, and makes the whole thing seem less generally disjointed. If I had to nitpick about the acting, I'd gripe about Sophie Aldred's overly dramatic collapse when she loses her faith in the Doctor... but I'm not an acting critic. I'm a writing critic, so let me just say that the dialogue in the scene where Ace distracts the guard ("Sometimes I move faster than the speed of light." "Faster than the second hand on a clock?") rivals that of Anakin and Padme for the uncoveted prize of Worst Romantic Dialogue in a Sci-Fi Saga Ever.
The special edition version gets an 8 out of 10. It's still far from perfect, and no amount of additional scenes can fix that.
Back to the Who Review List
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Random Sarcasm: James Madison
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we shouldn't be revering the Founding Fathers all that much. Consider what our fourth President managed to do: namely, get Washington DC burned to the ground. Great accomplishment.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
You Gotta Be Crazy...
I swear, every time I listen to Pink Floyd's "Dogs" I can't help but feel that it's a near-perfect summation of life. Not exactly uplifting or encouraging, but there you have it. Best line: "And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around."
Then again, these guys kind of cornered the market on catchy-yet-depressing songs about life. While the Beatles were singing about love, the Rolling Stones were singing about sex, Led Zeppelin were singing about rock and roll, and AC/DC were singing about sex and rock & roll (overachievers), Pink Floyd were churning out songs like "Time" and albums like "The Wall."
Which, of course, makes them awesome.
Then again, these guys kind of cornered the market on catchy-yet-depressing songs about life. While the Beatles were singing about love, the Rolling Stones were singing about sex, Led Zeppelin were singing about rock and roll, and AC/DC were singing about sex and rock & roll (overachievers), Pink Floyd were churning out songs like "Time" and albums like "The Wall."
Which, of course, makes them awesome.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
When should Tom Baker have stepped down?
I was reading another blog - okay, Lawrence Miles' blog. Considering the man's got nothing but venom to spew at Steven Moffat, I kind of wonder what I was doing over there. But anyways, at one point in one of his posts, he argued that none of the Previous Nine could have possibly stepped in after Tennant and filled his shoes.
(He also argued that Tennant was the only Doctor to date to bring something new each season. 1) Bupkis, and if more Troughton stories existed, I could prove it. Also: McCoy, who went from a bumbling clown who played with spoons to the third most important Time Lord in history, but only five guys and a dog saw any of his stories. 2) even if it were true, so what? Tennant's also the only Doctor to do more than one season since Buffy, so why should we be surprised?)
Anyways, the reasoning for Tennant's mega-popularity boils down to: yup, the show itself is treating the Doctor like a sexy god (and it's all Moffat's fault, incidentally). Ergo, we're all screwed, the show can't hold up under the weight of its own mythology, etc, etc.
Yeah, okay, except in 1974, there was an entire generation of kids who thought the Doctor was nothing more than a dandy who hung out on Earth a lot. Having him suddenly turn into Tom Baker and go gallivanting off across the stars was kind of a huge upheval. And then Tom went and stuck around for a whopping seven years and nobody batted an eye.
Now, the underlying point was that Tennant's departure puts the show at its most volatile point since 1984. Um, what? Yeah, I toss around the phrase "Davison Renaissance," but come on, the Fifth Doctor never really crawled out from under the Forth's shadow.
One point I'd like to get out of the way here before I get to the main point of this post: yeah, if Tennant did seven years, the show would die the moment he left it. Does this mean that Tennant's a better actor than Tom Baker? Perhaps; does it mean that his was a better Doctor? Hell no. You have one Doctor who's able to waltz across space and time willy-nilly like a lonely god, compared to the Other Nine who weren't so powerful... where can you go from there?
Okay, main point: the Troughton rule. Do three years and get out. Hartnell did it, but not by choice. Troughton had to be lured back for a third year. Pertwee ignored it; his last season was pretty bad. Baker ignored it, but I doubt you'll find a single fan who thinks seasons 15-18 were better than seasons 12-14. Davison abided by it, and is fairly well-remembered today (helped considerably by, oh, "Time Crash," though The Caves of Androzani routinely topping polls tends to help). Colin Baker was fired. McCoy was technically fired. McGann was technically fired. Eccleston quit after one season for reasons we'll probably discover right after everyone stops caring - in other words, any day now. Tennant did three seasons and a bunch of specials. I sincerely hope Matt Smith does four seasons, if only because his first one seemed to be a case of Moffat very gently transitioning to his own style from RTD's.
But anyway, a cruel fan might suggest that, just like Tennant is (supposedly) impossible to follow, so too did Tom Baker wreck classic Who for staying as long as he did. It is true that the First Four are generally well remembered and the 80s Doctors not so much... but that could have just as much to do with bad casting and bad scripts. (Could. Could is the very much key word here. I refuse to knock anyone's acting unless it's jaw-droppingly bad, and that's not the case with any of the Doctors, ever, not even the really bland ones or the ones who seemed to equate "act" with "ham it up.") What nobody can argue is that ratings dipped below 10 million shortly after Tom left, and never returned.
Since fandom in general tends to like the Davison years these days, we shouldn't immediately say "oh, JNT was a lousy producer and the scripts were uniformly bad, except for Caves." A much more logical explanation is this: in the years before the internet, fandom was a very different thing. If you didn't see Invasion of the Dinosaurs when it was first broadcast, you wouldn't be able to see it until roughly the same time Jurassic Park came out. Yikes. Re-runs were unheard of before Tom Baker left; after, they were very rare. Now we have endless repeats, plus most of the classic serials on DVD, so we can compare every niggling detail if we want to. We could even - God help us - count the number of times someone says "what's that, Doctor?" or "run."
The point is this: if your first exposure to Doctor Who was in 1975, or 1978, or even 1980, Tom Baker would be the One True Doctor. Your friends might be able to name Hartnell, Troughton and Pertwee, and maybe one or two episodes or key character traits, but Tom Baker had been the Doctor for as long as you could remember. In 1981, the thought of someone else playing the Doctor would be akin to a sudden annoucement that Leonard Nimoy was sick of playing Spock, and thus the role would be recast for Star Trek II.
And that was a problem.
There's not a Doctor Who fan today who is unaware of at least one pre-Tennant Doctor, who does not have the opportunity to see one of the Other Nine in action. That was emphatically not the case in 1981, the BBC's Five Faces of Doctor Who stunt notwithstanding. We know the series has existed before Tennant, and even before we saw a frame of Matt Smith, we were sure it could survive after him as well.
This, then, leaves us with the question posed by this post's title. Tom Baker's reign as the Doctor ran from season 12 through the end of season 18. By the end of season 14, most of his best serials had already been made. Getting him off the show at the beginning of season 15, as Phillip Hinchcliffe might actually have intended to do (but then Hinchcliffe got fired and has since remained resolutely mum about how his season 15 would have gone), would of course have made the show a fairly different animal today. Yes, ratings probably still would have declined under the JNT/Saward stewardship. Yes, the show probably would have been cancelled. There might have even been an American TV movie followed eventually by a British revival that tried to copy as much of Buffy as it possibly could. We'd have lost City of Death, but beyond that, nothing much probably would have changed.
To recap: 1) when Tom Baker left, he took a lot of fans with him, but I'm in no way suggesting that the length of his tenure was directly responsible for the show's cancellation eight years after he left. 2) if he was going to check out at a decent point in his career, it probably would have been at around the three-season mark. Although frankly, The Talons of Weng-Chiang probably wouldn't have worked as well if it had been a regeneration story, and neither The Invasion of Time or The Armageddon Factor were particular high notes for him to ride out on. 3) the show is bigger than any one Doctor. David Tennant's departure was not the end of the world. Moffat might have done himself a bigger favor by not trying to ape RTD so very much, but I'm still confident that the next season will be good.
(He also argued that Tennant was the only Doctor to date to bring something new each season. 1) Bupkis, and if more Troughton stories existed, I could prove it. Also: McCoy, who went from a bumbling clown who played with spoons to the third most important Time Lord in history, but only five guys and a dog saw any of his stories. 2) even if it were true, so what? Tennant's also the only Doctor to do more than one season since Buffy, so why should we be surprised?)
Anyways, the reasoning for Tennant's mega-popularity boils down to: yup, the show itself is treating the Doctor like a sexy god (and it's all Moffat's fault, incidentally). Ergo, we're all screwed, the show can't hold up under the weight of its own mythology, etc, etc.
Yeah, okay, except in 1974, there was an entire generation of kids who thought the Doctor was nothing more than a dandy who hung out on Earth a lot. Having him suddenly turn into Tom Baker and go gallivanting off across the stars was kind of a huge upheval. And then Tom went and stuck around for a whopping seven years and nobody batted an eye.
Now, the underlying point was that Tennant's departure puts the show at its most volatile point since 1984. Um, what? Yeah, I toss around the phrase "Davison Renaissance," but come on, the Fifth Doctor never really crawled out from under the Forth's shadow.
One point I'd like to get out of the way here before I get to the main point of this post: yeah, if Tennant did seven years, the show would die the moment he left it. Does this mean that Tennant's a better actor than Tom Baker? Perhaps; does it mean that his was a better Doctor? Hell no. You have one Doctor who's able to waltz across space and time willy-nilly like a lonely god, compared to the Other Nine who weren't so powerful... where can you go from there?
Okay, main point: the Troughton rule. Do three years and get out. Hartnell did it, but not by choice. Troughton had to be lured back for a third year. Pertwee ignored it; his last season was pretty bad. Baker ignored it, but I doubt you'll find a single fan who thinks seasons 15-18 were better than seasons 12-14. Davison abided by it, and is fairly well-remembered today (helped considerably by, oh, "Time Crash," though The Caves of Androzani routinely topping polls tends to help). Colin Baker was fired. McCoy was technically fired. McGann was technically fired. Eccleston quit after one season for reasons we'll probably discover right after everyone stops caring - in other words, any day now. Tennant did three seasons and a bunch of specials. I sincerely hope Matt Smith does four seasons, if only because his first one seemed to be a case of Moffat very gently transitioning to his own style from RTD's.
But anyway, a cruel fan might suggest that, just like Tennant is (supposedly) impossible to follow, so too did Tom Baker wreck classic Who for staying as long as he did. It is true that the First Four are generally well remembered and the 80s Doctors not so much... but that could have just as much to do with bad casting and bad scripts. (Could. Could is the very much key word here. I refuse to knock anyone's acting unless it's jaw-droppingly bad, and that's not the case with any of the Doctors, ever, not even the really bland ones or the ones who seemed to equate "act" with "ham it up.") What nobody can argue is that ratings dipped below 10 million shortly after Tom left, and never returned.
Since fandom in general tends to like the Davison years these days, we shouldn't immediately say "oh, JNT was a lousy producer and the scripts were uniformly bad, except for Caves." A much more logical explanation is this: in the years before the internet, fandom was a very different thing. If you didn't see Invasion of the Dinosaurs when it was first broadcast, you wouldn't be able to see it until roughly the same time Jurassic Park came out. Yikes. Re-runs were unheard of before Tom Baker left; after, they were very rare. Now we have endless repeats, plus most of the classic serials on DVD, so we can compare every niggling detail if we want to. We could even - God help us - count the number of times someone says "what's that, Doctor?" or "run."
The point is this: if your first exposure to Doctor Who was in 1975, or 1978, or even 1980, Tom Baker would be the One True Doctor. Your friends might be able to name Hartnell, Troughton and Pertwee, and maybe one or two episodes or key character traits, but Tom Baker had been the Doctor for as long as you could remember. In 1981, the thought of someone else playing the Doctor would be akin to a sudden annoucement that Leonard Nimoy was sick of playing Spock, and thus the role would be recast for Star Trek II.
And that was a problem.
There's not a Doctor Who fan today who is unaware of at least one pre-Tennant Doctor, who does not have the opportunity to see one of the Other Nine in action. That was emphatically not the case in 1981, the BBC's Five Faces of Doctor Who stunt notwithstanding. We know the series has existed before Tennant, and even before we saw a frame of Matt Smith, we were sure it could survive after him as well.
This, then, leaves us with the question posed by this post's title. Tom Baker's reign as the Doctor ran from season 12 through the end of season 18. By the end of season 14, most of his best serials had already been made. Getting him off the show at the beginning of season 15, as Phillip Hinchcliffe might actually have intended to do (but then Hinchcliffe got fired and has since remained resolutely mum about how his season 15 would have gone), would of course have made the show a fairly different animal today. Yes, ratings probably still would have declined under the JNT/Saward stewardship. Yes, the show probably would have been cancelled. There might have even been an American TV movie followed eventually by a British revival that tried to copy as much of Buffy as it possibly could. We'd have lost City of Death, but beyond that, nothing much probably would have changed.
To recap: 1) when Tom Baker left, he took a lot of fans with him, but I'm in no way suggesting that the length of his tenure was directly responsible for the show's cancellation eight years after he left. 2) if he was going to check out at a decent point in his career, it probably would have been at around the three-season mark. Although frankly, The Talons of Weng-Chiang probably wouldn't have worked as well if it had been a regeneration story, and neither The Invasion of Time or The Armageddon Factor were particular high notes for him to ride out on. 3) the show is bigger than any one Doctor. David Tennant's departure was not the end of the world. Moffat might have done himself a bigger favor by not trying to ape RTD so very much, but I'm still confident that the next season will be good.
Final word: I'm not saying "oh, Tom should have left earlier." If he had, the only thing that would be really different is that instead of being remembered as the guy who saved the show after Tom left before screwing it all to hell, JNT would simply be remembered as the guy who screwed it all to hell.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Welcome to our Russian readers/overlords!
Apparently one or two people in Russia are among the five or six people who have seen this blog. Cool.
Wait, could they be the KGB?
..................................................................
What to do if the KGB is after you: a comprehensive (and somewhat satirical) guide.
Step 1: hide.
This is less obvious than you would think. Statistically speaking, every person in every movie ever has chosen "run" as their option of choice when some sinister agency starts chasing them. This is a bad idea. There are many of them, and only one of you. Eventually you will tire/run out of gasoline.
Perhaps an even worse option is "fight," as you will also quickly run out of bullets and/or blood.
Instead, hide. You are already in one of the safest countries on the planet.
Corollary: if you are not in America, run. Alternatively, fight. It's amazing how poorly-armed most other countries are, due to their lack of a second amendment and misplaced fiscal priorities.
Corollary: if you are in America and are being chased by an American agency (that the KGB has obviously infiltrated, because there's no way Uncle Sam would deliberately hurt his own citizens like that), give up now. Make sure you have a lawyer - one can be provided for you - and a copy of the Bill of Rights - you can find one online easily enough. It will take years for your case to get to trial, and you can usually get a lighter sentence by ratting someone else. If you don't know anyone else to rat out, make up a name and say he lives in Minnesota (note: don't do this if you are currently being held in Minnesota).
Assuming that you have hidden well, proceed to step 2: wait.
This also is more difficult than it sounds, as anyone who has ever played a game of hide-and-seek knows. Eventually your enemy will give up and forget about you. And by give up and forget about you, I mean invade a nearby country. At this point, you can try to sneak over the border, preferably in the opposite direction.
As a general rule, while you're hiding, do not record video messages to your hunters. This only serves to remind them that you exist.
Corollary: if you are hiding from America, go ahead and do this. It will remind American citizens that their leaders suck at catching you. It may even get those leaders voted out of office. Of course, those leaders might be replaced by someone more competent, but that's what you get for hiding from America in the first place.
If your hunters are particularly dogged, proceed to step three: run a betting pool on when you'll be caught. The winner keeps half the pot; the other half goes to your defense fund. And by "defense fund," I mean the purchase of body armor and automatic weapons. Again, I can't recommend you do this in America.
Statistically speaking, you are more likely to survive a shootout with American forces if you do not initiate one. Also, killing Americans is unpatriotic. However, as any videogame ever has taught us, you are more likely to survive a shootout with foreigners if:
a) you are wearing power armor
b) your enemies adopt a habit of hiding behind explosive barrels
c) you can carry and proficiently use all of the following without breaking a sweat: two machine guns, two pistols, a shotgun, a rocket launcher, several grenades, ammunition, and a crowbar
As one final bit of videogame-related advice, I would recommend you look up often.
If you do get caught in a shootout and survive, you can try step 4: fake your own death. You can do this in one of two ways.
Procedure 1: become proficient at suspending all of your vital functions (heart rate, breath, body temperature) without actually dying. Become proficient at breaking out of a coffin. Wait.
Procedure 2: find a body that looks kind of like yours. Put your clothes on it. Since Americans think all foreigners of the same race look alike, it stands to reason that all foreigners think Americans look alike. Problem solved. Of course now you're running around stark naked, but you can always pretend to be a killer robot from the future. Or you could, you know, take the corpse's clothes.
Wait, could they be the KGB?
..................................................................
What to do if the KGB is after you: a comprehensive (and somewhat satirical) guide.
Step 1: hide.
This is less obvious than you would think. Statistically speaking, every person in every movie ever has chosen "run" as their option of choice when some sinister agency starts chasing them. This is a bad idea. There are many of them, and only one of you. Eventually you will tire/run out of gasoline.
Perhaps an even worse option is "fight," as you will also quickly run out of bullets and/or blood.
Instead, hide. You are already in one of the safest countries on the planet.
Corollary: if you are not in America, run. Alternatively, fight. It's amazing how poorly-armed most other countries are, due to their lack of a second amendment and misplaced fiscal priorities.
Corollary: if you are in America and are being chased by an American agency (that the KGB has obviously infiltrated, because there's no way Uncle Sam would deliberately hurt his own citizens like that), give up now. Make sure you have a lawyer - one can be provided for you - and a copy of the Bill of Rights - you can find one online easily enough. It will take years for your case to get to trial, and you can usually get a lighter sentence by ratting someone else. If you don't know anyone else to rat out, make up a name and say he lives in Minnesota (note: don't do this if you are currently being held in Minnesota).
Assuming that you have hidden well, proceed to step 2: wait.
This also is more difficult than it sounds, as anyone who has ever played a game of hide-and-seek knows. Eventually your enemy will give up and forget about you. And by give up and forget about you, I mean invade a nearby country. At this point, you can try to sneak over the border, preferably in the opposite direction.
As a general rule, while you're hiding, do not record video messages to your hunters. This only serves to remind them that you exist.
Corollary: if you are hiding from America, go ahead and do this. It will remind American citizens that their leaders suck at catching you. It may even get those leaders voted out of office. Of course, those leaders might be replaced by someone more competent, but that's what you get for hiding from America in the first place.
If your hunters are particularly dogged, proceed to step three: run a betting pool on when you'll be caught. The winner keeps half the pot; the other half goes to your defense fund. And by "defense fund," I mean the purchase of body armor and automatic weapons. Again, I can't recommend you do this in America.
Statistically speaking, you are more likely to survive a shootout with American forces if you do not initiate one. Also, killing Americans is unpatriotic. However, as any videogame ever has taught us, you are more likely to survive a shootout with foreigners if:
a) you are wearing power armor
b) your enemies adopt a habit of hiding behind explosive barrels
c) you can carry and proficiently use all of the following without breaking a sweat: two machine guns, two pistols, a shotgun, a rocket launcher, several grenades, ammunition, and a crowbar
As one final bit of videogame-related advice, I would recommend you look up often.
If you do get caught in a shootout and survive, you can try step 4: fake your own death. You can do this in one of two ways.
Procedure 1: become proficient at suspending all of your vital functions (heart rate, breath, body temperature) without actually dying. Become proficient at breaking out of a coffin. Wait.
Procedure 2: find a body that looks kind of like yours. Put your clothes on it. Since Americans think all foreigners of the same race look alike, it stands to reason that all foreigners think Americans look alike. Problem solved. Of course now you're running around stark naked, but you can always pretend to be a killer robot from the future. Or you could, you know, take the corpse's clothes.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Short random thoughts - 12/5/10
Man, the geography of this town is seriously whack.
Under no circumstances should I ever have to click two different "close" buttons to eliminate one pop-up ad.
What has two thumbs and hates the cold? People who left their gloves 100 miles away!
Finals will kill me yet.
Under no circumstances should I ever have to click two different "close" buttons to eliminate one pop-up ad.
What has two thumbs and hates the cold? People who left their gloves 100 miles away!
Finals will kill me yet.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Anything to avoid finals, part 2
I've compiled a partial list of great song lyrics that mostly pertain to life. You'll find there's a lot of repetition in the bands that provide these lyrics, but hey, some people can write good lyrics and some people can't.
“With every mistake, we must surely be learning.” –The Beatles, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”
“Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking, but my smile stays on.” –Queen, “The Show Must Go On.”
“You’ve got to keep one eye looking over your shoulder. It’s going to get harder, and harder, and harder as you get older.” –Pink Floyd, “Dogs”
“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” –The Who, “Won’t Get Fooled Again.”
“Don’t waste your time always searching for those wasted years. Face it, make your stand, and realize you’re living in the golden years.” -Iron Maiden, “Wasted Years”
“Whaddya mean I don’t believe in God? Talk to him every day.” –Megadeth, “Peace Sells”
“Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time.” –The Beatles, “All You Need is Love”
“I will hope, my soul will fly, and I will live forever.” -Iron Maiden, “The Thin Line Between Love and Hate.”
“Yesterday’s sorrows, tomorrow’s white lies.” -Iron Maiden, “Remember Tomorrow”
“Rock’n’Roll ain’t noise pollution. Rock’n’Roll ain’t gonna die.” –AC/DC, “Rock’n’Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution
“I’ll tip my hat to the new Constitution, take a bow for the new revolution, smile and grin at the change all around, pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday, then I’ll get on my knees and pray we don’t get fooled again.” –The Who, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”
“No point asking when it is, no point asking who’s to go, no point asking what’s the game, no point asking who’s to blame… if you’re gonna die, die with your boots on. If you’re gonna try, stick around; if you’re gonna cry, just move along.” –Iron Maiden, “Die With Your Boots On”
“And now my life has changed in oh so many ways. My independence seems to vanish in the haze.” –The Beatles, “Help!”
“All we are is dust in the wind.” –Kansas, “Dust in the Wind”
“And when you lose control, you’ll reap the harvest you have sown.” –Pink Floyd, “Dogs”
“And I will pray for you; some day I may return. Don’t you cry for me; beyond is where I yearn.” –Iron Maiden, “The Evil That Men Do”
“And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you, no-one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.” –Pink Floyd, “Time”
“And in my last hour, a slave to the power of death.” –Iron Maiden, “Powerslave”
Anything to avoid finals, part 1
So since you're on the internet, you probably know that Leslie Nielsen's dead by now. What you might not know is that Irvin Kershner is also dead.
Now, The Empire Strikes Back used to be my favorite movie. It's still in the top 5 (and will probably never leave because I just don't watch movies as much as I used to). It was, at the time that I saw it, the darkest movie I'd ever seen (no, not in terms of lighting). It has one of the greatest soundtracks of all time, and it demonstrated that the good guys don't have to win for it to be a good movie.
Now, The Empire Strikes Back used to be my favorite movie. It's still in the top 5 (and will probably never leave because I just don't watch movies as much as I used to). It was, at the time that I saw it, the darkest movie I'd ever seen (no, not in terms of lighting). It has one of the greatest soundtracks of all time, and it demonstrated that the good guys don't have to win for it to be a good movie.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Doctor Who News From A Month And A Half Ago
(because, yeah, I'm that much out of the loop)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2010/oct/12/doctor-who-immortal-reveals-bbc
So, yeah. Time war. Not only can it make Silurians look like Jem'Hadar, not only can it make Daleks actually frightening again, not only can it suddenly make the Doctor susceptible to romance... it can make him fricking immortal as well.
At least address the Valeyard thing when you get to 12, huh?
Okay, dude, no, I am not in any way upset that the 13-life limit has been quietly brushed aside. It was a plot device back in bloody 1976. Okay, that's a bit like plucking another random plot device - let's say the time agents from The Talons of Weng-Chiang... oh wait, never mind...
Here we go. Two hearts. At no point during the 60s did any character examine the often-unconscious Doctor and comment on his double heartbeat. Guy can grow an extra heart, guy can trump the 12-regeneration limit.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2010/oct/12/doctor-who-immortal-reveals-bbc
So, yeah. Time war. Not only can it make Silurians look like Jem'Hadar, not only can it make Daleks actually frightening again, not only can it suddenly make the Doctor susceptible to romance... it can make him fricking immortal as well.
At least address the Valeyard thing when you get to 12, huh?
Okay, dude, no, I am not in any way upset that the 13-life limit has been quietly brushed aside. It was a plot device back in bloody 1976. Okay, that's a bit like plucking another random plot device - let's say the time agents from The Talons of Weng-Chiang... oh wait, never mind...
Here we go. Two hearts. At no point during the 60s did any character examine the often-unconscious Doctor and comment on his double heartbeat. Guy can grow an extra heart, guy can trump the 12-regeneration limit.
AFTIRTM: Jurassic Park
I did The Matrix way back when (and honestly, I don't remember the entire list), but Jurassic Park is definitely on it.
Why?
What it was:
An epic adaptation of an epic novel by an awesome (now sadly departed) author, realized by an awesome director and an awesome (now sadly departed) effects wizard.
What it gave the hacks:
Look! CGI! Now we don't need to hire real actors!
Look, Sam Neill can act. I'm not saying anything contrariwise in that respect. Spielberg explicitly cast people who would not overshadow his dinosaurs, and who could act convincingly against golf balls (both on sticks and being fired at them from behind - how did you think they did the Gallimimus chase?) Also the film had Richard Attenborough in it (who according to Wikipedia hadn't had an acting job since 1979), and some guy named Samuel L. Jackson... but none of these people were real stars back in 1993. No, not even Jackson.
Some background here on my own philosophies: I'm now burning through the back catalogue of How I Met Your Mother because Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan are in the cast. You're not going to convince me to see a film or a television show because the monster looks particularly convincing; you're going to convince me to see a film based on who's in it, or who wrote it, or who directed it, or even who did the score or the freakin' cinematography (The Omen -the 1976 original - has direct connections to Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who in this way; Star Wars's cinematographer, Star Trek's most epic composer, and Doctor Who number 2 Patrick Troughton). (And for that matter, I got hooked on Doctor Who after seeing City of Death, which was written by Douglas Adams.)
So anyway, yeah, acting's important. And as I mentioned in one of my Who Reviews, I generally don't knock acting unless it's impressively bad... which brings us directly to the hacks. Let's look specifically at Transformers. ...Okay, once you're done ogling Megan Fox and the CGI, notice what a terrible, terrible actor Shia is. You get the feeling he was cast to offset the special effects budget (again - Sam Neill, not the biggest-name star in the business in 1993, but at least the man could act). And then he got to pop up in Indiana Jones IV: Lucas Kills His Other Legacy. And thus a "star" is born. Ugh.
And then there's the other complaint about Jurassic Park, the obligatory nerd one: with both of the movie's most famous monsters hailing from the Cretaceous Period instead of the Jurassic, the whole thing was misnamed. (In fact, of the 7 dinosaurs, only Brachiosaurus and Dilophosaurus came from the Jurassic Period.) So it set a precedent for not doing the research.
Why?
What it was:
An epic adaptation of an epic novel by an awesome (now sadly departed) author, realized by an awesome director and an awesome (now sadly departed) effects wizard.
What it gave the hacks:
Look! CGI! Now we don't need to hire real actors!
Look, Sam Neill can act. I'm not saying anything contrariwise in that respect. Spielberg explicitly cast people who would not overshadow his dinosaurs, and who could act convincingly against golf balls (both on sticks and being fired at them from behind - how did you think they did the Gallimimus chase?) Also the film had Richard Attenborough in it (who according to Wikipedia hadn't had an acting job since 1979), and some guy named Samuel L. Jackson... but none of these people were real stars back in 1993. No, not even Jackson.
Some background here on my own philosophies: I'm now burning through the back catalogue of How I Met Your Mother because Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan are in the cast. You're not going to convince me to see a film or a television show because the monster looks particularly convincing; you're going to convince me to see a film based on who's in it, or who wrote it, or who directed it, or even who did the score or the freakin' cinematography (The Omen -the 1976 original - has direct connections to Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who in this way; Star Wars's cinematographer, Star Trek's most epic composer, and Doctor Who number 2 Patrick Troughton). (And for that matter, I got hooked on Doctor Who after seeing City of Death, which was written by Douglas Adams.)
So anyway, yeah, acting's important. And as I mentioned in one of my Who Reviews, I generally don't knock acting unless it's impressively bad... which brings us directly to the hacks. Let's look specifically at Transformers. ...Okay, once you're done ogling Megan Fox and the CGI, notice what a terrible, terrible actor Shia is. You get the feeling he was cast to offset the special effects budget (again - Sam Neill, not the biggest-name star in the business in 1993, but at least the man could act). And then he got to pop up in Indiana Jones IV: Lucas Kills His Other Legacy. And thus a "star" is born. Ugh.
And then there's the other complaint about Jurassic Park, the obligatory nerd one: with both of the movie's most famous monsters hailing from the Cretaceous Period instead of the Jurassic, the whole thing was misnamed. (In fact, of the 7 dinosaurs, only Brachiosaurus and Dilophosaurus came from the Jurassic Period.) So it set a precedent for not doing the research.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Oh Well, Whatever, Wherever You Are...
Yes yes, I know the title isn't a direct accurate quote of some certain song lyrics. Tough beans. Here's a bunch of random thoughts that I've had since whenever-it-was I last updated this thingy.
First off: though it's been raised a few times (mostly in jest or as a sort of "long-shot" guessing), turns out that if Sydney Newman had his way, the Seventh Doctor would have been a woman. Not only that, but they would have brought Patrick Troughton back to ease the transition...? Uh, okay, but bear in mind that a) the big complaint about mid-80s Doctor Who was the endless continuity references, and b) by the time Time and the Rani aired, Troughton was, er, dead. He was alive when it was made, though, but still, that would be a little... odd.
Okay, dude, can you say "ratings stunt?" Look, on the one hand, yes, if there was a time to make the Doctor a woman, 1986 was it. We were coming up on the halfway point of the Doctor's lifespan, and it wouldn't have seemed so absurdly out of place as it would have either in the 60s, when Women Simply Didn't Do That Sort of Thing, or now, when yes, the Doctor is unambiguously male and capable of "dancing." Furthermore, this was exactly the sort of bold all-or-nothing push that might have saved the show (see also what Mutant Enemy did with Season 2 of Dollhouse).
On the other hand... dude, can you say "ratings stunt?" (And Dollhouse was cancelled anyway.) Weren't we, the viewing public, sick of the ratings stunts by 1986?
...anyway, talking about 1986 and the end of the Sixth Doctor brings me directly back to Trial of a Time Lord, which, as you might remember, was done in a Christmas Carol style format wherein the Doctor is cast as Scrooge and must re-live an adventure from his past, present and future. So, yeah Doctor Who's already done A Christmas Carol before.
But that doesn't mean that this year's Christmas Special doesn't look awesome. And yes, it's only going to be 60 minutes long whereas the last special was some 75 minutes. This is okay. We don't really need overblown productions and spectacles. Remember, Classic Who could never fill out six episodes without some padding. The best New Who episode - "Blink," like you needed to be told - was the cheapie of Season 3. Still, yeah, Christmas, big overblown story with a big kabloom at the end. Traditional, you know.
...on a completely unrelated note, I don't know where I read it, but I saw something on the internet today suggesting that if Jane Espenson was writing the new Buffy movie, there would be a lot less whining. Well, yes. Jane Espenson wrote for the show. Again, not getting into that whole give-the-fangirl-the-key-to-the-asylum argument...
First off: though it's been raised a few times (mostly in jest or as a sort of "long-shot" guessing), turns out that if Sydney Newman had his way, the Seventh Doctor would have been a woman. Not only that, but they would have brought Patrick Troughton back to ease the transition...? Uh, okay, but bear in mind that a) the big complaint about mid-80s Doctor Who was the endless continuity references, and b) by the time Time and the Rani aired, Troughton was, er, dead. He was alive when it was made, though, but still, that would be a little... odd.
Okay, dude, can you say "ratings stunt?" Look, on the one hand, yes, if there was a time to make the Doctor a woman, 1986 was it. We were coming up on the halfway point of the Doctor's lifespan, and it wouldn't have seemed so absurdly out of place as it would have either in the 60s, when Women Simply Didn't Do That Sort of Thing, or now, when yes, the Doctor is unambiguously male and capable of "dancing." Furthermore, this was exactly the sort of bold all-or-nothing push that might have saved the show (see also what Mutant Enemy did with Season 2 of Dollhouse).
On the other hand... dude, can you say "ratings stunt?" (And Dollhouse was cancelled anyway.) Weren't we, the viewing public, sick of the ratings stunts by 1986?
...anyway, talking about 1986 and the end of the Sixth Doctor brings me directly back to Trial of a Time Lord, which, as you might remember, was done in a Christmas Carol style format wherein the Doctor is cast as Scrooge and must re-live an adventure from his past, present and future. So, yeah Doctor Who's already done A Christmas Carol before.
But that doesn't mean that this year's Christmas Special doesn't look awesome. And yes, it's only going to be 60 minutes long whereas the last special was some 75 minutes. This is okay. We don't really need overblown productions and spectacles. Remember, Classic Who could never fill out six episodes without some padding. The best New Who episode - "Blink," like you needed to be told - was the cheapie of Season 3. Still, yeah, Christmas, big overblown story with a big kabloom at the end. Traditional, you know.
...on a completely unrelated note, I don't know where I read it, but I saw something on the internet today suggesting that if Jane Espenson was writing the new Buffy movie, there would be a lot less whining. Well, yes. Jane Espenson wrote for the show. Again, not getting into that whole give-the-fangirl-the-key-to-the-asylum argument...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
For crying out loud, protect your intellectual property.
There are really only three cultural things I worship: certain albums that came out between 1965 and 1985 (generally but not exclusively referred to as "classic rock"), Doctor Who, and the output of Joss Whedon. So naturally I'm somewhat distressed that the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise is completely out of his hands.
(Imagine for a moment a super-writer with Joss Whedon's writing talent and George Lucas's business sense. No, this isn't going anywhere, but it would be awesome.)
Look, fanboys are perfectly capable of writing for the franchise they worship - Doctor Who is proof of that. On the other hand, fanboys are crazed rabid people who should never ever be allowed to write for the franchise they worship - Doctor Who is also proof of that.
I'm not saying that the new Buffy reboot is going to (no pun intended) suck. I'm also not saying that if it doesn't suck, that Joss Whedon is somehow overrated. Without him, there would be no Buffy, and by extension, Nu Who would look just a tad different.
What I'm most afraid of is the new movie turning out like the Hitchhiker's Guide film, or even the TV miniseries. That is to say, something that hits all the right notes and plot points and still comes off as limp and uninspired, as if we're just killing time until the crowd-pleasing moments show up, jumping from one set-piece to the next without a real understanding of how they connect. I just saw Doctor Who and the Daleks, and it was just like that. I stopped watching the Harry Potter movies because that's what they were turning into. The magic was gone.
...and, frankly, the magic was running awfully thin on Buffy nearly 10 years ago, during its last two seasons (again, pun not intended, since by that point Willow was a hyperpowerful witch...) But my point is this. That story's been told. It was told extremely well. It even outstayed its welcome a little, so bringing it back doesn't make a lot of sense and seems to be just a cheap cash-in.
(Imagine for a moment a super-writer with Joss Whedon's writing talent and George Lucas's business sense. No, this isn't going anywhere, but it would be awesome.)
Look, fanboys are perfectly capable of writing for the franchise they worship - Doctor Who is proof of that. On the other hand, fanboys are crazed rabid people who should never ever be allowed to write for the franchise they worship - Doctor Who is also proof of that.
I'm not saying that the new Buffy reboot is going to (no pun intended) suck. I'm also not saying that if it doesn't suck, that Joss Whedon is somehow overrated. Without him, there would be no Buffy, and by extension, Nu Who would look just a tad different.
What I'm most afraid of is the new movie turning out like the Hitchhiker's Guide film, or even the TV miniseries. That is to say, something that hits all the right notes and plot points and still comes off as limp and uninspired, as if we're just killing time until the crowd-pleasing moments show up, jumping from one set-piece to the next without a real understanding of how they connect. I just saw Doctor Who and the Daleks, and it was just like that. I stopped watching the Harry Potter movies because that's what they were turning into. The magic was gone.
...and, frankly, the magic was running awfully thin on Buffy nearly 10 years ago, during its last two seasons (again, pun not intended, since by that point Willow was a hyperpowerful witch...) But my point is this. That story's been told. It was told extremely well. It even outstayed its welcome a little, so bringing it back doesn't make a lot of sense and seems to be just a cheap cash-in.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Special Hells
"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to a very special hell. The one they reserve for child molestors, and people who talk at the theater."
-Firefly
I sincerely hope there's a special hell for all of the above, but also the following:
People who park so close to you that you have to enter your car through the passenger door and climb over the armrest.
People who get all the way to the front of a line at a fast-food place without deciding what they want to eat.
People who wait until the very last second to merge on the highway, despite the fact that there have been signs saying to merge for the last mile and a half.
People who renege on a contract (written or otherwise) and offer either no excuse or an excuse as lame and vague as "something came up."
Politicians who pass bills without reading them.
People who rig elections.
(there's more to come...)
-Firefly
I sincerely hope there's a special hell for all of the above, but also the following:
People who park so close to you that you have to enter your car through the passenger door and climb over the armrest.
People who get all the way to the front of a line at a fast-food place without deciding what they want to eat.
People who wait until the very last second to merge on the highway, despite the fact that there have been signs saying to merge for the last mile and a half.
People who renege on a contract (written or otherwise) and offer either no excuse or an excuse as lame and vague as "something came up."
Politicians who pass bills without reading them.
People who rig elections.
(there's more to come...)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
IG2EUS: Really Stupid Ideas
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Really Stupid Ideas:
Really stupid ideas are ideas that are really stupid. Here are some examples.
Firing Phillip Hinchcliffe from the producership of Doctor Who.
Cancelling Firefly.
Insisting that the same people who will blindly follow orders at the expense of an innocent person's health are eligible to vote.
Really stupid ideas are ideas that are really stupid. Here are some examples.
Firing Phillip Hinchcliffe from the producership of Doctor Who.
Cancelling Firefly.
Insisting that the same people who will blindly follow orders at the expense of an innocent person's health are eligible to vote.
IG2EUS: Political Parties
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Political Parties:
Political parties are sinister polarizing forces that conspire to turn man against his brother until man exists no more.
In the Decadent Wayward Colony known as America, there are two main political parties, the Republicans and the Democrats. The Republicans believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global terrorism, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge. In contrast, the Democrats believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global poverty, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge.
Every two years, both parties spend a fantastic amount of money to elect one candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions over another candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions. Americans (and indeed, most citizens living in democracies) see this as perfectly reasonable. Remember, a democracy is a form of government that posits that the people are intelligent enough to elect their own leaders.
Every four years, the American political parties spend enough money to fund a minor war in order to get their candidate elected to occupy the White House, and also the Presidency. On paper, all the President gets to do is execute the law. This does not, thankfully, involve a firing squad. In reality, however, the President must be the voice of the free world. And this, thankfully, does not involve a firing squad either. Once it does, you can take comfort in knowing that it's already too late and there is nothing you can do.
See also:
The End of the World
Really Really Stupid Ideas
Political parties are sinister polarizing forces that conspire to turn man against his brother until man exists no more.
In the Decadent Wayward Colony known as America, there are two main political parties, the Republicans and the Democrats. The Republicans believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global terrorism, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge. In contrast, the Democrats believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global poverty, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge.
Every two years, both parties spend a fantastic amount of money to elect one candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions over another candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions. Americans (and indeed, most citizens living in democracies) see this as perfectly reasonable. Remember, a democracy is a form of government that posits that the people are intelligent enough to elect their own leaders.
Every four years, the American political parties spend enough money to fund a minor war in order to get their candidate elected to occupy the White House, and also the Presidency. On paper, all the President gets to do is execute the law. This does not, thankfully, involve a firing squad. In reality, however, the President must be the voice of the free world. And this, thankfully, does not involve a firing squad either. Once it does, you can take comfort in knowing that it's already too late and there is nothing you can do.
See also:
The End of the World
Really Really Stupid Ideas
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Dollhouse: Stage Fright
Here we are, kiddies. It’s the one with the pop singer, the one where Sierra gets her lamest imprint, and the one where Echo flashes a bunch of people just out of the camera’s field of vision.
It opens with one of those concerts that’s honestly more burlesque than music – but fortunately this doesn’t last long because one of the backup singers gets brutally burned by a pyro effect gone wrong. The singer bolts and the camera lingers on a creepy guy.
Then we get Saunders telling Boyd not to tear arrows out of his body himself. He tells her that she can call him Boyd – is he already flirting with her?
Melanie catches Lubov trying to sneak into his apartment. She’s barefoot (foreshadowing!!) and they do a little bit of talking – basically so we remember who Lubov is, so that it comes as a shock when we see him later in the Dollhouse.
The starlet needs to “remind everyone that she’s an artist [who] actually sings the damn songs.” Ah, what a jolly version of my own take on the pop music scene. Seems there’s been lots of sabotage – someone’s trying to kill the starlet, whose name is Rayna. Her manager asks Adelle for some help, so away we go. She doesn’t need bodyguards, she needs a friend. Aw.
So to recap, thus far Echo has been programmed to be a hostage negotiator (after briefly being a girl wearing a shirt), a date who gets hunted, and now someone who gets to hang out with a “musician.” For a show that claims its going to be exploring human sexuality, it’s not delivering in these early episodes.
(For the record, those of you so inclined might want to flip back to my review of “The Mysterious Planet,” where I spent some time blasting Robert Holmes for giving us some subpar nonsense. The same principle applies here. Joss Whedon is better at setting up shows than this.)
Okay, Elisa Dushku can sing. Not exactly lead-singer quality, but she can definitely carry a tune. The little duet she does with Rayna is pretty cool. Though it is a song about freedom, and let’s remember that she’s not going to have any of that until Season 2.
Saunders berates Topher, revealing in the process that sometimes they do “altruistic” engagements. We’ll get exactly one (possibly two) of these in the series.
Despite the fact that we’re three episodes in (and therefore in Fox-mandated “Stand-alone-ness”), there is some continuity – neither Echo nor Boyd are really on top form. Though in the next scene we get to see her in her bra, so yay female empowerment!
Rayna flips out over a mint, thus eradicating the last shred of sympathy I had for her, and then it’s back to the Enver Gjokaj show as Paul and Lubov meet for the last time. Hilariously, Lubov suggests that he should sign up, and someone who I had to rewind the disc to make sure wasn’t Echo walks past in the background. Come on, casting director, don’t do that to us. The music gets all dramatic and we know that Paul’s about to touch on one of the themes of the show: “We come up with something new, the first thing we do is destroy, manipulate, control.” “People are mostly crap,” Lubov says, in a great line.
Boyd says he’s “happy they double-tracked this.” (meaning he’s glad there are two Actives on the case, but anybody who knows about music production knows that double-tracking is something else). But Paul also says that Rayna is “shallow, vapid and narcissictic,” which explains why I don’t like her. Topher mentions that Joe Hearn is handling Sierra – more subtle foreshadowing. Then Topher wipes Lubov, revealing that he’s really Victor. Shock!
This is one of those episodes that are a paradox of early Dollhouse. It does stuff for the arc, and I like some of the little details, but the actual plot of the episode isn’t particularly… good. It just doesn’t work for me.
Part of the problem is that it makes us listen to the same godawful pop song and dance routine twice. The second time, there’s a sniper setting things up, and ooh, suspense, but the soundtrack’s trying to be all ominous and not in any way pulling this off with that wretched beat in the background.
After the commercial break, the show’s suddenly, um, over. Any hope we’d had that the plot would wrap up halfway through the episode gets horribly dashed. Sierra is Rayna’s number-one fan, and Rayna, disgusted, actually manages to act sympathetic. Huh. But, um, why did the Dollhouse think this was a good idea?
Echo asks Sierra if she’d take off her clothes and run down the street if she told her to. No, but she would if one of the handlers did. Bwahaha.
Lubov sets Paul up for a date with a bunch of gunmen. It ends with him being shot in the gut. This is going to be a recurring theme of the series. Nevertheless, because he is a badass, he is able to take out all his assailants even with a gaping wound in his side.
We meet Hearn, who seems more lazy than evil, though he mentions that the previous Sierra “got the job done.” Not creepy yet… just wait…
Echo realizes that Rayna has a death wish, and the scene ends with her saying “I just wanna be free” from inside the cage that’s going to take her to the stage. When we get back from the act break, Rayna’s singing a song about a stalker. How convenient.
Sierra gets up on stage because of a fantastic coincidence. Then Echo beats up a bouncer, gets on stage, and uses a spotlight to find the sniper. Okay, I get that dolls are programmed to be awesome and all, but, um, she doesn’t have superpowers.
Echo and Rayna have it out. “Are there any drugs you’re not on?” Awesome line. Rayna complains about how she’s not real, she’s just everybody’s fantasy, blah blah blah, Whedon used to be a lot more subtle when he had one character talk about another character without really intending to. Still, despite the blatant analogies, this episode still tends to work a tad better than the previous one, bad music and all.
…but then Sierra gets kidnapped just because the plot’s not over yet and we still have 20 minutes to kill. Yup, double-tracking was a great, great idea. Just like it was in “The Final Frontier.”
Echo notices the hostage is Sierra, who she met in their mutual blank slates at the beginning of the episode. But more importantly, her manager realizes what a self-centered brat his star really is. Yay! And yet, because Echo is programmed to like her, she still wants to help. Yup, that’s the only way for shallow pop stars to have friends. Tell it like it is!
Dominic doesn’t quite subscribe to this; when Adelle asks him if he likes Rayna’s music, he dodges the question like the smooth bastard he is.
Sierra gets menaced in a well-directed scene. Yay. Fanboy is suitably creepy. Meanwhile Rayna’s going through the same routine again, alone in her warehouse. She’s as much a robot as Echo is, really. Not very subtle. But Echo actually has something else in mind, because she actually does recognize Sierra. Topher explains that Echo’s hardwired to protect Rayna (she’s preventing Rayna from committing suicide), but that doesn’t seem to be a possibility because she’s going to use Rayna in a hostage exchange. Let me repeat that: it doesn’t seem possible to Topher or Dominic – two people who absolutely, as prerequisites for their jobs, should understand the nuances of the Laws of Robotics.
It turns out of course that Echo’s just doing the big old hostage therapy thing, getting Rayna to realize that yup, she actually does love her life. Still, there is that underlying current of “I remember Sierra.”
Also, Hearn shows up again and is a bit creepier towards Sierra.
Dominic recommends they send Echo to the attic – because again he can’t sort out that whole Second Law thing. It’s a nice touch, but it calls into question his qualifications – and not in the way we’re probably intended to question.
Saunders says that “Echo wasn’t always the best,” which Boyd interprets as meaning that Alpha was once the best. Ha ha.
This isn’t my favorite episode, for a number of reasons. I don’t really like the bratty pop star, which makes me glad that she gets some comeuppance at the end. Still, it’s got plenty of redeeming qualities. The creepy fan is a much more believable and identifiable villain that Mr. Most-Dangerous-Game in the previous episode. This episode got better after it started, just like the show did as a whole. The only problem is, nobody stuck around to watch it.
It opens with one of those concerts that’s honestly more burlesque than music – but fortunately this doesn’t last long because one of the backup singers gets brutally burned by a pyro effect gone wrong. The singer bolts and the camera lingers on a creepy guy.
Then we get Saunders telling Boyd not to tear arrows out of his body himself. He tells her that she can call him Boyd – is he already flirting with her?
Melanie catches Lubov trying to sneak into his apartment. She’s barefoot (foreshadowing!!) and they do a little bit of talking – basically so we remember who Lubov is, so that it comes as a shock when we see him later in the Dollhouse.
The starlet needs to “remind everyone that she’s an artist [who] actually sings the damn songs.” Ah, what a jolly version of my own take on the pop music scene. Seems there’s been lots of sabotage – someone’s trying to kill the starlet, whose name is Rayna. Her manager asks Adelle for some help, so away we go. She doesn’t need bodyguards, she needs a friend. Aw.
So to recap, thus far Echo has been programmed to be a hostage negotiator (after briefly being a girl wearing a shirt), a date who gets hunted, and now someone who gets to hang out with a “musician.” For a show that claims its going to be exploring human sexuality, it’s not delivering in these early episodes.
(For the record, those of you so inclined might want to flip back to my review of “The Mysterious Planet,” where I spent some time blasting Robert Holmes for giving us some subpar nonsense. The same principle applies here. Joss Whedon is better at setting up shows than this.)
Okay, Elisa Dushku can sing. Not exactly lead-singer quality, but she can definitely carry a tune. The little duet she does with Rayna is pretty cool. Though it is a song about freedom, and let’s remember that she’s not going to have any of that until Season 2.
Saunders berates Topher, revealing in the process that sometimes they do “altruistic” engagements. We’ll get exactly one (possibly two) of these in the series.
Despite the fact that we’re three episodes in (and therefore in Fox-mandated “Stand-alone-ness”), there is some continuity – neither Echo nor Boyd are really on top form. Though in the next scene we get to see her in her bra, so yay female empowerment!
Rayna flips out over a mint, thus eradicating the last shred of sympathy I had for her, and then it’s back to the Enver Gjokaj show as Paul and Lubov meet for the last time. Hilariously, Lubov suggests that he should sign up, and someone who I had to rewind the disc to make sure wasn’t Echo walks past in the background. Come on, casting director, don’t do that to us. The music gets all dramatic and we know that Paul’s about to touch on one of the themes of the show: “We come up with something new, the first thing we do is destroy, manipulate, control.” “People are mostly crap,” Lubov says, in a great line.
Boyd says he’s “happy they double-tracked this.” (meaning he’s glad there are two Actives on the case, but anybody who knows about music production knows that double-tracking is something else). But Paul also says that Rayna is “shallow, vapid and narcissictic,” which explains why I don’t like her. Topher mentions that Joe Hearn is handling Sierra – more subtle foreshadowing. Then Topher wipes Lubov, revealing that he’s really Victor. Shock!
This is one of those episodes that are a paradox of early Dollhouse. It does stuff for the arc, and I like some of the little details, but the actual plot of the episode isn’t particularly… good. It just doesn’t work for me.
Part of the problem is that it makes us listen to the same godawful pop song and dance routine twice. The second time, there’s a sniper setting things up, and ooh, suspense, but the soundtrack’s trying to be all ominous and not in any way pulling this off with that wretched beat in the background.
After the commercial break, the show’s suddenly, um, over. Any hope we’d had that the plot would wrap up halfway through the episode gets horribly dashed. Sierra is Rayna’s number-one fan, and Rayna, disgusted, actually manages to act sympathetic. Huh. But, um, why did the Dollhouse think this was a good idea?
Echo asks Sierra if she’d take off her clothes and run down the street if she told her to. No, but she would if one of the handlers did. Bwahaha.
Lubov sets Paul up for a date with a bunch of gunmen. It ends with him being shot in the gut. This is going to be a recurring theme of the series. Nevertheless, because he is a badass, he is able to take out all his assailants even with a gaping wound in his side.
We meet Hearn, who seems more lazy than evil, though he mentions that the previous Sierra “got the job done.” Not creepy yet… just wait…
Echo realizes that Rayna has a death wish, and the scene ends with her saying “I just wanna be free” from inside the cage that’s going to take her to the stage. When we get back from the act break, Rayna’s singing a song about a stalker. How convenient.
Sierra gets up on stage because of a fantastic coincidence. Then Echo beats up a bouncer, gets on stage, and uses a spotlight to find the sniper. Okay, I get that dolls are programmed to be awesome and all, but, um, she doesn’t have superpowers.
Echo and Rayna have it out. “Are there any drugs you’re not on?” Awesome line. Rayna complains about how she’s not real, she’s just everybody’s fantasy, blah blah blah, Whedon used to be a lot more subtle when he had one character talk about another character without really intending to. Still, despite the blatant analogies, this episode still tends to work a tad better than the previous one, bad music and all.
…but then Sierra gets kidnapped just because the plot’s not over yet and we still have 20 minutes to kill. Yup, double-tracking was a great, great idea. Just like it was in “The Final Frontier.”
Echo notices the hostage is Sierra, who she met in their mutual blank slates at the beginning of the episode. But more importantly, her manager realizes what a self-centered brat his star really is. Yay! And yet, because Echo is programmed to like her, she still wants to help. Yup, that’s the only way for shallow pop stars to have friends. Tell it like it is!
Dominic doesn’t quite subscribe to this; when Adelle asks him if he likes Rayna’s music, he dodges the question like the smooth bastard he is.
Sierra gets menaced in a well-directed scene. Yay. Fanboy is suitably creepy. Meanwhile Rayna’s going through the same routine again, alone in her warehouse. She’s as much a robot as Echo is, really. Not very subtle. But Echo actually has something else in mind, because she actually does recognize Sierra. Topher explains that Echo’s hardwired to protect Rayna (she’s preventing Rayna from committing suicide), but that doesn’t seem to be a possibility because she’s going to use Rayna in a hostage exchange. Let me repeat that: it doesn’t seem possible to Topher or Dominic – two people who absolutely, as prerequisites for their jobs, should understand the nuances of the Laws of Robotics.
It turns out of course that Echo’s just doing the big old hostage therapy thing, getting Rayna to realize that yup, she actually does love her life. Still, there is that underlying current of “I remember Sierra.”
Also, Hearn shows up again and is a bit creepier towards Sierra.
Dominic recommends they send Echo to the attic – because again he can’t sort out that whole Second Law thing. It’s a nice touch, but it calls into question his qualifications – and not in the way we’re probably intended to question.
Saunders says that “Echo wasn’t always the best,” which Boyd interprets as meaning that Alpha was once the best. Ha ha.
This isn’t my favorite episode, for a number of reasons. I don’t really like the bratty pop star, which makes me glad that she gets some comeuppance at the end. Still, it’s got plenty of redeeming qualities. The creepy fan is a much more believable and identifiable villain that Mr. Most-Dangerous-Game in the previous episode. This episode got better after it started, just like the show did as a whole. The only problem is, nobody stuck around to watch it.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Dollhouse: The Target
The problem with the early episodes of this show is this: the writers are too intent on setting up the verse and the arc at the expense of any given individual episode. It's like someone told Joss one time too many that the biggest problem with the second episode of Buffy was that Angel seems to be in the sunlight in the tomb scene. I get it; keeping characters consistent is important. But that's no excuse for letting individual episodes suffer.
Now if it seems odd for me to lecture someone like Whedon, who after all has made several awesome TV shows whereas I am a college student whose greatest accomplishment to date has been learning how to play and sing "Money" at the same time, let me just put on my Stephen Colbert voice for a moment and remind you that Joss has also had shows cancelled, whereas I have not.
Anyway, episode 2 opens with a flashback to three months ago. It's Alpha's big composite event, Doctor Saunders looks like a jigsaw puzzle, etc. Echo is in the shower - does this jar with what we see at the end of the season? Must remember to check. Anyway, roll credits.
This week, the Dollhouse is selling the truth. "Everything you want, everything you need, she will be, honestly and completely." Adelle tells the client to return her safe and sound. Yeah, right. Flash cut to epic outdoorsy stuff - because every couch potato who's going to watch the show and care about the ongoing arc is exactly the same sort of person who routinely goes kayaking and mountain climbing.
Back to Topher and Boyd, generally bitching at each other but not actually being overtly annoying.
Paul arrives at the scene of the previous episode, because it's still an entire frickin month before he actually gets to intersect the plot in any meaningful way. This is what we call a guest star, not a regular. Nothing against Paul, or his actor, but he's not moving the plot, and in these early episodes the audience needs moving plots.
Meanwhile, Echo's client decides he's going to kill her for funsies. Does the Dollhouse screen its clients at all? Given what Alpha manages to pull in the next season, the answer is "um, no."
There's a flashback where we learn that Langton showed up after Alpha's incident, and that he came "highly recommended." Also, that Alpha can kill a man in 8 seconds with a series of highly precise cuts. Fun!
There's some stuff with Lubov, because he's got to be in this episode too, and then Ballard gets a photo of "Caroline," the woman we know as Echo. Also, nobody else in the FBI believes in the Dollhouse.
The hunter gets in a few shots with the crossbow, but Echo doesn't do the intelligent thing and take the arrows.
In another flashback, Boyd shuts down Smug Topher with just a couple of words about Alpha. Two minutes on the job and he already knows which buttons to push.
More running, more really sketchy stunt double shots. Finally Echo drinks something she shouldn't, because, hey, taking a trick that didn't work in Doctor Who can be reused here.
In yet another flashback, Echo tells Boyd he's tall - oh, Boyd, I know how you feel - and then we do the Big Imprinting Thing for the first time. Topher says "All right, Brando, let's see what you've got." And then Boyd does some fantastic acting, pretending that they haven't done this dance before.
Echo, under the effects of the drug, has a flashback to the massacre at the Dollhouse, only "Alpha" is holding a knife instead of some scissors - again, must check "Omega" once we get there.
Seriously, what is it with the flashbacks in the second episode? Since when has that ever spelled sucess?
The next flashback - Boyd really not getting into the handler role after Echo's gotten hired out to a fat dude - really does work once you've seen the whole show. So yay for that.
Also, Boyd becomes the first person to get shot in the side. He won't be the last - Adelle, Echo and Boyd again. Also he has two guns, which is awesome, but this never comes up again.
So Echo and her psychotic date have their big old fight scene, because it's not a Whedon show if a girl's not beating a bigger guy up.
There's one last scene where Dominic taunts Echo a bit. What a charmer.
Compared to the previous one, this episode's got its share of strengths and weaknesses. For one thing, Echo doesn't have a big glaring psychological flaw in her imprint this time. On the other hand, the flashbacks really don't help the story that much.
The point of the early episodes of a show is to give the audience a taste of what's to come. The thing is, Whedon's shows evolve. Trying to sell a standalone episode as a template even for the end of the season is a silly thing to do.
Still, there's plenty of worse crap on TV.
Now if it seems odd for me to lecture someone like Whedon, who after all has made several awesome TV shows whereas I am a college student whose greatest accomplishment to date has been learning how to play and sing "Money" at the same time, let me just put on my Stephen Colbert voice for a moment and remind you that Joss has also had shows cancelled, whereas I have not.
Anyway, episode 2 opens with a flashback to three months ago. It's Alpha's big composite event, Doctor Saunders looks like a jigsaw puzzle, etc. Echo is in the shower - does this jar with what we see at the end of the season? Must remember to check. Anyway, roll credits.
This week, the Dollhouse is selling the truth. "Everything you want, everything you need, she will be, honestly and completely." Adelle tells the client to return her safe and sound. Yeah, right. Flash cut to epic outdoorsy stuff - because every couch potato who's going to watch the show and care about the ongoing arc is exactly the same sort of person who routinely goes kayaking and mountain climbing.
Back to Topher and Boyd, generally bitching at each other but not actually being overtly annoying.
Paul arrives at the scene of the previous episode, because it's still an entire frickin month before he actually gets to intersect the plot in any meaningful way. This is what we call a guest star, not a regular. Nothing against Paul, or his actor, but he's not moving the plot, and in these early episodes the audience needs moving plots.
Meanwhile, Echo's client decides he's going to kill her for funsies. Does the Dollhouse screen its clients at all? Given what Alpha manages to pull in the next season, the answer is "um, no."
There's a flashback where we learn that Langton showed up after Alpha's incident, and that he came "highly recommended." Also, that Alpha can kill a man in 8 seconds with a series of highly precise cuts. Fun!
There's some stuff with Lubov, because he's got to be in this episode too, and then Ballard gets a photo of "Caroline," the woman we know as Echo. Also, nobody else in the FBI believes in the Dollhouse.
The hunter gets in a few shots with the crossbow, but Echo doesn't do the intelligent thing and take the arrows.
In another flashback, Boyd shuts down Smug Topher with just a couple of words about Alpha. Two minutes on the job and he already knows which buttons to push.
More running, more really sketchy stunt double shots. Finally Echo drinks something she shouldn't, because, hey, taking a trick that didn't work in Doctor Who can be reused here.
In yet another flashback, Echo tells Boyd he's tall - oh, Boyd, I know how you feel - and then we do the Big Imprinting Thing for the first time. Topher says "All right, Brando, let's see what you've got." And then Boyd does some fantastic acting, pretending that they haven't done this dance before.
Echo, under the effects of the drug, has a flashback to the massacre at the Dollhouse, only "Alpha" is holding a knife instead of some scissors - again, must check "Omega" once we get there.
Seriously, what is it with the flashbacks in the second episode? Since when has that ever spelled sucess?
The next flashback - Boyd really not getting into the handler role after Echo's gotten hired out to a fat dude - really does work once you've seen the whole show. So yay for that.
Also, Boyd becomes the first person to get shot in the side. He won't be the last - Adelle, Echo and Boyd again. Also he has two guns, which is awesome, but this never comes up again.
So Echo and her psychotic date have their big old fight scene, because it's not a Whedon show if a girl's not beating a bigger guy up.
There's one last scene where Dominic taunts Echo a bit. What a charmer.
Compared to the previous one, this episode's got its share of strengths and weaknesses. For one thing, Echo doesn't have a big glaring psychological flaw in her imprint this time. On the other hand, the flashbacks really don't help the story that much.
The point of the early episodes of a show is to give the audience a taste of what's to come. The thing is, Whedon's shows evolve. Trying to sell a standalone episode as a template even for the end of the season is a silly thing to do.
Still, there's plenty of worse crap on TV.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Dollhouse: Ghost
As I hinted at the end of my review of The Robots of Death, I have the intention of reviewing other shows. Most of these were made by Joss Whedon, and so...
First of all, I'm going to lay down some ground rules. I don't intend on rating the Dollhouse or Firefly episodes out of ten. The reason for this is that the former took forever to find its stride, and there's so little of the latter for any serious comparison. And if that sounds like a cop-out, then sorry.
So. "Ghost" sets up the world of Dollhouse. Caroline, who was just trying to find her place in the world, "just like she said," is coerced into becoming an Active. Actives are people who get programmed to be whatever their clients want them to be. Her handler is Boyd Langton, alias that jerk from The Matrix Revolutions. He apparently has some moral qualms - when Echo says "you're good people," he doesn't really seem to believe her. Anyway, her memory gets wiped - in reverse chronological order - and she returns to her blank state. Get used to this character, because we're going to be seeing her a lot for a season and a half.
The guy who wipes her is Topher Brink, a smarmy geeky tech who calls Boyd "man-friend" a lot (again, this is going away in Season 2). Basically think Andrew from Buffy with a lot more brains and a lot less sexual ambiguity (...maybe).
After this, we see a kid get abducted from her home, and roll opening credits.
"She's completely helpless" is the first line after the credits; does this mean Echo or the kid?
The kid, as it turns out - her father asks DeWitt to program a negotiator. This scene also introduces Mr. Dominic, one of the more-interesting-without-being-annoying characters (sorry, Topher). After that, we meet the doctor, Claire Saunders, played by Amy "Fred" Acker. Her first scene is a one-on-one with Echo, and the Faith-Fred shippers (you know there must be at least one of them) rejoice. Something fell on Echo, it turns out, and she can't remember it (it was probably her lover, but I'm amused by the fact that things falling on limbs was introduced in the very first episode).
Echo wanders upstairs and meets Important Doll #2, Sierra, formerly Priya. Her mind's being wiped, painfully. Topher explains that because it's her first time, they need to do more extensive work on her. The phrase "active architecture" obviously isn't being thrown around in front of the dolls - or maybe it just hasn't been invented yet.
Two things to point out: Saunders slinks through the back of the scene rather eeriy right when Topher starts talking about "forgetting all this." Secondly, Ivy's not in that scene.
Moving right along, we get introduced to Paul Ballard, an FBI agent who's not getting anywhere in his investigation of the Dollhouse. He's physically threatened a Senator - obviously not Daniel Perrin - and gone through a divorce. "If you have everything, you want something else," Paul says. This is all intercut with a boxing match to demonstrate that Paul isn't the giving-up type. His superiors tell him to stay away from a human trafficking case. He says it won't be a problem. Guess where we'll see him next?
Meanwhile, Echo gets imprinted as the negotiator in the kidnap case. Anybody thinking the writers could save themselves a lot of bother by making the kidnappers in league with the human traffickers is sadly mistaken. In a clumsy infodump, we learn that Boyd is an ex-cop (I say clumsy because Dominic never says anything about ex-cop heroics ever again for the rest of the season).
The father namedrops Edward James Olmos, because Whedon is obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. We also learn that Topher can mess up people's bodies - or at least the way they percieve their bodies. Topher watches Sierra on a treadmill and says that whever someone's running, the question is are they running to something or from something, and the answer is always both. "Achievement is balanced by fault," Topher says, and "Everyone who excels is... hiding from something." And he looks at Saunders - she with the facial scars - as he says that.
There's some plot stuff that pertains just to this episode, but as I said, I'm not really doing reviews of each episode on an individual basis.
Paul watches Lubov, one of the Borodin goons. Lubov - spoiler alert - is really Victor, another doll, and he's basically the same character as the art critic in "Belonging."
Echo's imprint - Eleanor Penn - was kidnapped as a kid. So that's three outright kidnappings in this plot, and yet they don't use this as an easy way to bring Paul into the picture. That's not to say he gets nothing to do - he gets to menace Lubov in the men's room.
The exchange gets shot to hell - literally - when Eleanor Penn recognizes one of the kidnappers. Note that this is the only time Echo gets so severely hamstrung by just random stuff Topher put in her brain.
Dominic goes ape about everything that went down at the dock - he's a great character, he's interfering and making the plot take longer, but he's doing his job and he's got his reasons. Reed Diamond sells it so well. He's not an obstructionist on a power trip, he's a guy who's seriously concerned with doing his job, even at the expense of one single mission.
DeWitt tells Boyd that he hasn't been here "as long as some of the others," which is slightly less jarring an info-dump that the earlier one, and it's arguably more important - though it does make his eventual promotion a bit stranger. Surely there's a handler who can actually, uh, handle their Active? (Whoops, that was a bad choice of words considering what happens with Sierra).
When Boyd finds out how emotionally damaged the imprint is, and what it might do to Echo, he has another conscience attack. Apparently.
Also, the serial rapist in this story has been going through girls, more than a bit like the Dollhouse itself.
Echo tries to get the kidnappers to make the exchange fairly, but Sierra comes crashing in with a shotgun and spoils the whole thing. Too bad that never goes anywhere - Eleanor Penn's not coming back until she's one of many voices in Echo's head, and Sierra's imprint's never coming back.
Lastly, as the dolls get into their beds, you can see the back of Victor's head.
There are some flaws in this, as far as first episodes go - some of the infodumps are just a bit too brazen. It works in most places though. We know who the Dollhouse staff is, and we have a few hints about how the rest of the first season - and beyond - will unfold.
First of all, I'm going to lay down some ground rules. I don't intend on rating the Dollhouse or Firefly episodes out of ten. The reason for this is that the former took forever to find its stride, and there's so little of the latter for any serious comparison. And if that sounds like a cop-out, then sorry.
So. "Ghost" sets up the world of Dollhouse. Caroline, who was just trying to find her place in the world, "just like she said," is coerced into becoming an Active. Actives are people who get programmed to be whatever their clients want them to be. Her handler is Boyd Langton, alias that jerk from The Matrix Revolutions. He apparently has some moral qualms - when Echo says "you're good people," he doesn't really seem to believe her. Anyway, her memory gets wiped - in reverse chronological order - and she returns to her blank state. Get used to this character, because we're going to be seeing her a lot for a season and a half.
The guy who wipes her is Topher Brink, a smarmy geeky tech who calls Boyd "man-friend" a lot (again, this is going away in Season 2). Basically think Andrew from Buffy with a lot more brains and a lot less sexual ambiguity (...maybe).
After this, we see a kid get abducted from her home, and roll opening credits.
"She's completely helpless" is the first line after the credits; does this mean Echo or the kid?
The kid, as it turns out - her father asks DeWitt to program a negotiator. This scene also introduces Mr. Dominic, one of the more-interesting-without-being-annoying characters (sorry, Topher). After that, we meet the doctor, Claire Saunders, played by Amy "Fred" Acker. Her first scene is a one-on-one with Echo, and the Faith-Fred shippers (you know there must be at least one of them) rejoice. Something fell on Echo, it turns out, and she can't remember it (it was probably her lover, but I'm amused by the fact that things falling on limbs was introduced in the very first episode).
Echo wanders upstairs and meets Important Doll #2, Sierra, formerly Priya. Her mind's being wiped, painfully. Topher explains that because it's her first time, they need to do more extensive work on her. The phrase "active architecture" obviously isn't being thrown around in front of the dolls - or maybe it just hasn't been invented yet.
Two things to point out: Saunders slinks through the back of the scene rather eeriy right when Topher starts talking about "forgetting all this." Secondly, Ivy's not in that scene.
Moving right along, we get introduced to Paul Ballard, an FBI agent who's not getting anywhere in his investigation of the Dollhouse. He's physically threatened a Senator - obviously not Daniel Perrin - and gone through a divorce. "If you have everything, you want something else," Paul says. This is all intercut with a boxing match to demonstrate that Paul isn't the giving-up type. His superiors tell him to stay away from a human trafficking case. He says it won't be a problem. Guess where we'll see him next?
Meanwhile, Echo gets imprinted as the negotiator in the kidnap case. Anybody thinking the writers could save themselves a lot of bother by making the kidnappers in league with the human traffickers is sadly mistaken. In a clumsy infodump, we learn that Boyd is an ex-cop (I say clumsy because Dominic never says anything about ex-cop heroics ever again for the rest of the season).
The father namedrops Edward James Olmos, because Whedon is obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. We also learn that Topher can mess up people's bodies - or at least the way they percieve their bodies. Topher watches Sierra on a treadmill and says that whever someone's running, the question is are they running to something or from something, and the answer is always both. "Achievement is balanced by fault," Topher says, and "Everyone who excels is... hiding from something." And he looks at Saunders - she with the facial scars - as he says that.
There's some plot stuff that pertains just to this episode, but as I said, I'm not really doing reviews of each episode on an individual basis.
Paul watches Lubov, one of the Borodin goons. Lubov - spoiler alert - is really Victor, another doll, and he's basically the same character as the art critic in "Belonging."
Echo's imprint - Eleanor Penn - was kidnapped as a kid. So that's three outright kidnappings in this plot, and yet they don't use this as an easy way to bring Paul into the picture. That's not to say he gets nothing to do - he gets to menace Lubov in the men's room.
The exchange gets shot to hell - literally - when Eleanor Penn recognizes one of the kidnappers. Note that this is the only time Echo gets so severely hamstrung by just random stuff Topher put in her brain.
Dominic goes ape about everything that went down at the dock - he's a great character, he's interfering and making the plot take longer, but he's doing his job and he's got his reasons. Reed Diamond sells it so well. He's not an obstructionist on a power trip, he's a guy who's seriously concerned with doing his job, even at the expense of one single mission.
DeWitt tells Boyd that he hasn't been here "as long as some of the others," which is slightly less jarring an info-dump that the earlier one, and it's arguably more important - though it does make his eventual promotion a bit stranger. Surely there's a handler who can actually, uh, handle their Active? (Whoops, that was a bad choice of words considering what happens with Sierra).
When Boyd finds out how emotionally damaged the imprint is, and what it might do to Echo, he has another conscience attack. Apparently.
Also, the serial rapist in this story has been going through girls, more than a bit like the Dollhouse itself.
Echo tries to get the kidnappers to make the exchange fairly, but Sierra comes crashing in with a shotgun and spoils the whole thing. Too bad that never goes anywhere - Eleanor Penn's not coming back until she's one of many voices in Echo's head, and Sierra's imprint's never coming back.
Lastly, as the dolls get into their beds, you can see the back of Victor's head.
There are some flaws in this, as far as first episodes go - some of the infodumps are just a bit too brazen. It works in most places though. We know who the Dollhouse staff is, and we have a few hints about how the rest of the first season - and beyond - will unfold.
The Newspeak Guide to Rock Albums
Perhaps you have heard of Led Zeppelin IV. Some of its track titles are politically incorrect these days, so we've taken to renaming them. "Black Dog," "Stairway to Heaven" and "When the Levee Breaks" have become "Dog of Color," "Stairway to an Unspecified Nondenominational Afterlife" and "When the Levee Breaks (It's W's Fault)."
In the same vein, the Beatles' "Taxman" has been renamed "Robin Hood," and "Revolution" has been renamed "Our Game Plan."
Likewise, the second biggest-selling album of all time is now just called Back, because "Back in Black" is racist, and "Back in" just doesn't make sense.
Songs about sex can stay, so long as the sex is mutually enjoyable. Songs that treat women as objects have to go.
Oh, and get those parental warning labels off the albums. Kids are going to come across that sort of language no matter what we do.
In the same vein, the Beatles' "Taxman" has been renamed "Robin Hood," and "Revolution" has been renamed "Our Game Plan."
Likewise, the second biggest-selling album of all time is now just called Back, because "Back in Black" is racist, and "Back in" just doesn't make sense.
Songs about sex can stay, so long as the sex is mutually enjoyable. Songs that treat women as objects have to go.
Oh, and get those parental warning labels off the albums. Kids are going to come across that sort of language no matter what we do.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
what have I accomplished today?
Well, I found out where Iron Maiden's famous chord progression comes from.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Some further post-election thoughts
So apparently John Boehner is going to run a more bipartisan House than Pelosi did. Dunno how I feel about that, seeing as the Republicans got elected specifically to derail a disastrous Democrat/socialist agenda. There's such a thing as being a gracious winner. There's also such a thing as making damn sure that you fulfil your campaign promises.
Never forget, politicians, you owe more to your constituents than you do to your colleagues across the aisle.
For example, everybody on Capitol Hill is overpaid. Every single person. Time for that to change. Hell, Congress should have gotten a pay cut every time the economy got worse.
Finally, the President, who insists that the election wasn't a referendum on his policies, says that we can't afford two years of gridlock. Actually, between gridlock and increasing government, I'll take gridlock.
Never forget, politicians, you owe more to your constituents than you do to your colleagues across the aisle.
For example, everybody on Capitol Hill is overpaid. Every single person. Time for that to change. Hell, Congress should have gotten a pay cut every time the economy got worse.
Finally, the President, who insists that the election wasn't a referendum on his policies, says that we can't afford two years of gridlock. Actually, between gridlock and increasing government, I'll take gridlock.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
El Presidente doesn't get it.
Read this, and pay special attention to this quote: "Yesterday's vote confirmed what I've heard from folks all across America. People are frustrated, they're deeply frustrated with the pace of our economic recovery."
Okay, just to be clear, this is the biggest turnover in the House since the 40s. We've had some crappy economies since then. No, it's not that.
It's the legislation, stupid. Check out what happened to a bunch of Dems who voted for socialized medicine.
The spin machine's already in place; you're angry, but not at me. I'm your buddy.
It makes me sick.
Okay, just to be clear, this is the biggest turnover in the House since the 40s. We've had some crappy economies since then. No, it's not that.
It's the legislation, stupid. Check out what happened to a bunch of Dems who voted for socialized medicine.
The spin machine's already in place; you're angry, but not at me. I'm your buddy.
It makes me sick.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Hand in your gavel, Pelosi
So the Democrats made a fantastically idiotic mistake in thinking that a vote against the big-government Republican agenda was a vote for their statist power grabs. Nuh-uh.
Well, we'll see what the Republicans do with it now. See, back in 06 and especially 08, the Republicans lost a bunch of moderates. That makes sense. The hard-liners should have more party support. But I'd say the same thing just happened to the Democrats; let's see how many Dems who voted against Obamacare still have their jobs when the smoke clears.
What I'm saying is that compromises will be few and far between over the next two years. And this is a good thing; anything that jams up the gears of government and prevents it from expanding further and encroaching on our liberties is a good thing.
But will this be a wake-up call to the Washington elite?
I'm reminded of an old Calvin & Hobbes comic. They're building snowmen, and the idea is that they'll have two snowmen shaking hands. Calvin (probably; it might have been Hobbes, but this was a long time ago and I don't quite remember) makes his snowman's arm too short. Rather than extend the arm a little more, he tells Hobbes to move his snowman a little closer. Hobbes declines. Violence ensues.
Well, the Democrats are Calvin. They always want to move the snowmen (the political baseline, the "moderate" reading) closer to them, further to the left. And, somewhat disgustingly, the last Republican congress didn't really say no. Oh, gay rights this and abortion that and taxes the other thing, the size of the federal government increased under Bush. What's a Republican? It's someone who runs as a conservative/libertarian, but governs as a Democrat-lite.
And that needs to stop.
Well, we'll see what the Republicans do with it now. See, back in 06 and especially 08, the Republicans lost a bunch of moderates. That makes sense. The hard-liners should have more party support. But I'd say the same thing just happened to the Democrats; let's see how many Dems who voted against Obamacare still have their jobs when the smoke clears.
What I'm saying is that compromises will be few and far between over the next two years. And this is a good thing; anything that jams up the gears of government and prevents it from expanding further and encroaching on our liberties is a good thing.
But will this be a wake-up call to the Washington elite?
I'm reminded of an old Calvin & Hobbes comic. They're building snowmen, and the idea is that they'll have two snowmen shaking hands. Calvin (probably; it might have been Hobbes, but this was a long time ago and I don't quite remember) makes his snowman's arm too short. Rather than extend the arm a little more, he tells Hobbes to move his snowman a little closer. Hobbes declines. Violence ensues.
Well, the Democrats are Calvin. They always want to move the snowmen (the political baseline, the "moderate" reading) closer to them, further to the left. And, somewhat disgustingly, the last Republican congress didn't really say no. Oh, gay rights this and abortion that and taxes the other thing, the size of the federal government increased under Bush. What's a Republican? It's someone who runs as a conservative/libertarian, but governs as a Democrat-lite.
And that needs to stop.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
So Am I Dead or What?
...because, me, I haven't posted in like a week, me. Seriously get on that, myself, or I shall be very upset.
And on a similar note, what the hell happened to that movie I was apparently making with that one guy who used to write for this blog?
Short answer: it died an ugly ugly death.
Long answer: see above, but that doesn't mean nothing's happening ever.
I've written about eight sketches (short comedy scenes for all you sad souls who never saw Monty Python), and Tom and I are editing them now. Hopefully something will come of them over winter break.
I wanted to post a line or two from one of the sketches, but our lawyers went over what I was going to post and cut most of it out. So all I'm left with is this:
OSCAR WILDE IV: [Spoiler].
That should whet your appetites.
And on a similar note, what the hell happened to that movie I was apparently making with that one guy who used to write for this blog?
Short answer: it died an ugly ugly death.
Long answer: see above, but that doesn't mean nothing's happening ever.
I've written about eight sketches (short comedy scenes for all you sad souls who never saw Monty Python), and Tom and I are editing them now. Hopefully something will come of them over winter break.
I wanted to post a line or two from one of the sketches, but our lawyers went over what I was going to post and cut most of it out. So all I'm left with is this:
OSCAR WILDE IV: [Spoiler].
That should whet your appetites.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Half-Life 2 vs Assassin's Creed
Wait, why? They're totally different games made quite a few years apart. Why on Earth are we having this comparison?
Because I want to, that's why.
Marks against Half-Life 2:
It's on rails. As someone who was introduced to video games by Super Mario 64, I find games on rails to be annoying. What makes HL2 worse is that it sometimes pretends that it's not, by not making it obvious what you have to do to get to the next area. And this brings me to my next point:
1st-person platforming. I should not be held responsible for falling into toxic waste if I am incapable of seeing my own feet. End of story.
The loading screens. Especially when you're in a vehicle and they kill all your forward momentum.
The music. This isn't the Matrix, so it shouldn't sound like it either.
In the plus column, water doesn't freaking kill you instantly (well, unless you swim too far out). In fact, the one thing that can drive your health almost all the way down instantly is one of the scariest things in the game, not an irritating design flaw. It's much more moody and atmospheric than Screed is, Alyx and Barney aren't morons with attractions to death, and the characters are actually memorable. And while it does switch back and forth an awful lot between "fight enemy soldiers in open, well-lit areas" and "fight zombies in dark, enclosed spaces," the bit in the middle where you get to be King of the Giant Mutant Grasshopper Things broke up the repitition quite nicely. Oh, and there's a gravity gun.
Marks against Assassin's Creed:
It's repetitive as hell. Go to town, do 3 of the 6 subquests, infiltrate bad guy's lair, kill him, run away, repeat.
Unskippable cutscenes. For the people who program those, I hope their personal purgatory consists of nothing but cutscenes. For eternity.
After about the fourth or fifth level, if you've done every side quest and scaled every tower, you now have twenty health bars and a counter maneuver. Congratulations, you are unkillable, so long as you stay away from...
The Sibrand assassination. Just... the Sibrand assassination.
In the plus column, after you beat the game you can kill anyone with impunity (much more fun than it sounds), the entire level loads before you set foot in it, so you'll never be interrupted by a "loading" caption, the music is amazing, there's a clever framing device to explain why you can "die," the buildings aren't so amazingly poorly constructed that you'll be incredibly likely to take a flying leap off them to your death (see Assassin's Creed II for an apparent lapse of reason), the platforming is sublime, and stealth is an actual option because the game lets you go anywhere.
Because I want to, that's why.
Marks against Half-Life 2:
It's on rails. As someone who was introduced to video games by Super Mario 64, I find games on rails to be annoying. What makes HL2 worse is that it sometimes pretends that it's not, by not making it obvious what you have to do to get to the next area. And this brings me to my next point:
1st-person platforming. I should not be held responsible for falling into toxic waste if I am incapable of seeing my own feet. End of story.
The loading screens. Especially when you're in a vehicle and they kill all your forward momentum.
The music. This isn't the Matrix, so it shouldn't sound like it either.
In the plus column, water doesn't freaking kill you instantly (well, unless you swim too far out). In fact, the one thing that can drive your health almost all the way down instantly is one of the scariest things in the game, not an irritating design flaw. It's much more moody and atmospheric than Screed is, Alyx and Barney aren't morons with attractions to death, and the characters are actually memorable. And while it does switch back and forth an awful lot between "fight enemy soldiers in open, well-lit areas" and "fight zombies in dark, enclosed spaces," the bit in the middle where you get to be King of the Giant Mutant Grasshopper Things broke up the repitition quite nicely. Oh, and there's a gravity gun.
Marks against Assassin's Creed:
It's repetitive as hell. Go to town, do 3 of the 6 subquests, infiltrate bad guy's lair, kill him, run away, repeat.
Unskippable cutscenes. For the people who program those, I hope their personal purgatory consists of nothing but cutscenes. For eternity.
After about the fourth or fifth level, if you've done every side quest and scaled every tower, you now have twenty health bars and a counter maneuver. Congratulations, you are unkillable, so long as you stay away from...
The Sibrand assassination. Just... the Sibrand assassination.
In the plus column, after you beat the game you can kill anyone with impunity (much more fun than it sounds), the entire level loads before you set foot in it, so you'll never be interrupted by a "loading" caption, the music is amazing, there's a clever framing device to explain why you can "die," the buildings aren't so amazingly poorly constructed that you'll be incredibly likely to take a flying leap off them to your death (see Assassin's Creed II for an apparent lapse of reason), the platforming is sublime, and stealth is an actual option because the game lets you go anywhere.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Half-Life 2
Excuse me. Is this the year 2010? It seems I've overshot a bit. Let me just pop back a few years. Maybe I'll bring a few newspapers back with me, surprise everyone in 2007 about just how absurdly bad things have gotten...
Anyway, if you're the one person left on the face of the planet who hasn't played Half-Life or any sequals/expansions thereof, congratulations. You're very, very silly.
I bought Portal about a month ago on the advice of a friend who used to write for this blog, back when it was about a movie we were making. Because I don't believe in downloading things from the internet, the means by which I aquired Portal was the purchase of The Orange Box. It also included Team Fortress 2 (or as I call it, how many different comical ways can you be killed by people halfway across the country) and Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2 Episode One, and Half-Life 2 Episode 2. Again, as if I should even have to say it.
So I beat Half-Life 2 today. And let me just say this. Every single game that has an escort mission, or a co-op with an NPC, absolutely must simply copy Alyx Vance's AI. Okay, yes, she has an absurd amount of health... but at one point near the end of the game, she shows up and the hallway behind her is full of dead bad guys. This is such an improvment over the usual "I'm going to get in the way of your bullets now - oh look I'm dead again" AI that too many games try to saddle your allies with (and, yup, most of the "resistance" members are hopelessly worthless).
In fact, the resistance members are so utterly worthless that I found myself wondering just why Dr. Breen wanted me to surrender on their behalf at the end. He had two of the only three resistance members worth a damn - that'd be me and Alyx, and the extent member was Barney - captive at the time. Really, an all out strider/gunship mop-up was all that was needed at that point.
During the penultimate level, you're running around inside his base making ragdolls of his goons and doing an uncomfortable amount of first-person platforming (the biggest problem I had with the game was the first-person platforming, which is just a no-no), and he's talking to you over his video intercom. At one point he asks something along the lines of "tell me, Dr. Freeman, you've caused all this destruction, but what have you created?" And you know what?
The man had a point.
Not that the game ever gives you the option to surrender, no. It's on rails from start to finish, despite the percieved immersion (complaint number two - number three is the way the game interrupts the action every five minutes to load the next five minutes of gameplay, because nothing but nothing wrecks immersion faster than a time-stop and the word "loading" appearing in front of your face).
Yup, Breen's an opportunistic snake. He probably doesn't had a problem with anything the Combine does or what it stands for. But from his message about collaboration on, it became clear to me that the game's designers had gone out of their way to make sure the villian wasn't just a one-dimensional "conquer the galaxy, crush the lesser races, unimaginable power, unlimited rice pudding" villain. If it weren't for him, or someone like him, would there still even be a society for Gordon to save? In all likelihood, Gordon would have woken up to an inhospitable black rock, or one entirely overrun by aliens.
Let's not forget that the war between the Combine and Earth lasted for seven hours. If aliens showed up right now and wiped out everything you cared about, I think you'd lose all hope. This isn't freaking Independence Day, because the aliens invaded much faster - there was still so much of America left to trash 36 hours after the first blow was struck.
Breen never thought Gordon had a chance, right up until everything went to hell for him. Ultimately it was his lack of faith that did him in. Well, that and my unholy fury. But far more so than Andross in Star Fox 64 or Al-Mualim in Assassin's Creed (my other two favorite games), I liked Breen.
It's a game set on Vichy Earth, where every little detail reminds you that yup, we're all stuck under the heel of a brutal and uncaring regime. Breen put a human face on that (literally), and definitely helped sell the story.
Anyway, if you're the one person left on the face of the planet who hasn't played Half-Life or any sequals/expansions thereof, congratulations. You're very, very silly.
I bought Portal about a month ago on the advice of a friend who used to write for this blog, back when it was about a movie we were making. Because I don't believe in downloading things from the internet, the means by which I aquired Portal was the purchase of The Orange Box. It also included Team Fortress 2 (or as I call it, how many different comical ways can you be killed by people halfway across the country) and Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2 Episode One, and Half-Life 2 Episode 2. Again, as if I should even have to say it.
So I beat Half-Life 2 today. And let me just say this. Every single game that has an escort mission, or a co-op with an NPC, absolutely must simply copy Alyx Vance's AI. Okay, yes, she has an absurd amount of health... but at one point near the end of the game, she shows up and the hallway behind her is full of dead bad guys. This is such an improvment over the usual "I'm going to get in the way of your bullets now - oh look I'm dead again" AI that too many games try to saddle your allies with (and, yup, most of the "resistance" members are hopelessly worthless).
In fact, the resistance members are so utterly worthless that I found myself wondering just why Dr. Breen wanted me to surrender on their behalf at the end. He had two of the only three resistance members worth a damn - that'd be me and Alyx, and the extent member was Barney - captive at the time. Really, an all out strider/gunship mop-up was all that was needed at that point.
During the penultimate level, you're running around inside his base making ragdolls of his goons and doing an uncomfortable amount of first-person platforming (the biggest problem I had with the game was the first-person platforming, which is just a no-no), and he's talking to you over his video intercom. At one point he asks something along the lines of "tell me, Dr. Freeman, you've caused all this destruction, but what have you created?" And you know what?
The man had a point.
Not that the game ever gives you the option to surrender, no. It's on rails from start to finish, despite the percieved immersion (complaint number two - number three is the way the game interrupts the action every five minutes to load the next five minutes of gameplay, because nothing but nothing wrecks immersion faster than a time-stop and the word "loading" appearing in front of your face).
Yup, Breen's an opportunistic snake. He probably doesn't had a problem with anything the Combine does or what it stands for. But from his message about collaboration on, it became clear to me that the game's designers had gone out of their way to make sure the villian wasn't just a one-dimensional "conquer the galaxy, crush the lesser races, unimaginable power, unlimited rice pudding" villain. If it weren't for him, or someone like him, would there still even be a society for Gordon to save? In all likelihood, Gordon would have woken up to an inhospitable black rock, or one entirely overrun by aliens.
Let's not forget that the war between the Combine and Earth lasted for seven hours. If aliens showed up right now and wiped out everything you cared about, I think you'd lose all hope. This isn't freaking Independence Day, because the aliens invaded much faster - there was still so much of America left to trash 36 hours after the first blow was struck.
Breen never thought Gordon had a chance, right up until everything went to hell for him. Ultimately it was his lack of faith that did him in. Well, that and my unholy fury. But far more so than Andross in Star Fox 64 or Al-Mualim in Assassin's Creed (my other two favorite games), I liked Breen.
It's a game set on Vichy Earth, where every little detail reminds you that yup, we're all stuck under the heel of a brutal and uncaring regime. Breen put a human face on that (literally), and definitely helped sell the story.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
IG2EUS: Progressive Rock
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Progressive Rock:
Progressive Rock is supposedly a highly technical form of music. The pinnacle of expression is the concept album, which is supposedly high art. In actual fact, the concept album is just a clever means of recycling the same riff for 45 minutes.
Progressive Rock is supposedly a highly technical form of music. The pinnacle of expression is the concept album, which is supposedly high art. In actual fact, the concept album is just a clever means of recycling the same riff for 45 minutes.
Who Review: The War Machines
Doc... tor... Who... is... re... quired... Bring... him... here.
-WOTAN
Swinging London, 1966. The Beatles are about to release Revolver, and Doctor Who is about to change forever. This is the last "intact*" Hartnell serial, and really the only time that the First Doctor gets to spend four episodes in the present day. So it's already going to jar a bit with everything that comes either before or after.
*actually, due to censor cuts, about two minutes of footage are missing. The DVD release has ingeniously covered this up by patching in different shots from elsewhere in the serial over the soundtrack.
The plot: The Doctor and Dodo land in 1966. The Doctor gets goosebumps when he looks at the Post Office Tower, and he learns that a computer named WOTAN lives at the top. WOTAN has the unique ability to figure out what "TARDIS" means (because Doctor Who exists in the Whoniverse. Q.v. Remembrance of the Daleks). It also has the ability to control people. It amasses an army of thought-slaves and starts building War Machines, which basically look like overly cumbersome Daleks. They go on a rampage until the Doctor stops one of them, reprograms it, and sends it to annihilate WOTAN.
Firstly, we have this bizarre notion that the Doctor is a respected scientific authority on Earth. This is really down to the writer, Ian Stuart Black, who takes it as read that the Doctor's a celebrity everywhere he goes. This doesn't sound out of place in the new series, or indeed at the latter end of the UNIT era, but in 1966 it's a bit strange.
The second bizarre notion is the one that a computer capable of taking over the entire world takes up an entire room. No wait, this is 1966, so that's perfectly natural. What's bizarre is that the concept of all the major computers on Earth being linked together seems to foreshadow the internet to a really creepy degree.
Thirdly, this serial has a very early case of companion hypnosis. Dodo is brainwashed by the machines and ordered to recruit the Doctor. Interestingly, later in the serial, the Doctor brainwashes one of the machines and orders it to kill WOTAN and the thought-slaves who helped brainwash Dodo. (Yeah, he has an ulterior motive, namely saving humanity, but still it seems like revenge is suddenly/still in the Doctor's playbook.)
It's a UNIT story without UNIT. The army gets called in and obliterated, leaving the Doctor to save the day. Again, this is the only time Hartnell does something like this.
I give The War Machines a score of 7/10. It has a fairly decent pace, and Hartnell seems perfectly comfortable doing a contemporary story. You can go on about this being the end of an era, but honestly, between Peter Butterworth's Troughtonesque performance as the Monk in The Time Meddler and the movie starring Peter Cushing as Dr. Who, Hartnell's been on borrowed time for an entire year by this point. The UNIT formula is laid down here, four years early, and frankly, the UNIT years themselves rarely top this.
Who Review Index
-WOTAN
Swinging London, 1966. The Beatles are about to release Revolver, and Doctor Who is about to change forever. This is the last "intact*" Hartnell serial, and really the only time that the First Doctor gets to spend four episodes in the present day. So it's already going to jar a bit with everything that comes either before or after.
*actually, due to censor cuts, about two minutes of footage are missing. The DVD release has ingeniously covered this up by patching in different shots from elsewhere in the serial over the soundtrack.
The plot: The Doctor and Dodo land in 1966. The Doctor gets goosebumps when he looks at the Post Office Tower, and he learns that a computer named WOTAN lives at the top. WOTAN has the unique ability to figure out what "TARDIS" means (because Doctor Who exists in the Whoniverse. Q.v. Remembrance of the Daleks). It also has the ability to control people. It amasses an army of thought-slaves and starts building War Machines, which basically look like overly cumbersome Daleks. They go on a rampage until the Doctor stops one of them, reprograms it, and sends it to annihilate WOTAN.
Firstly, we have this bizarre notion that the Doctor is a respected scientific authority on Earth. This is really down to the writer, Ian Stuart Black, who takes it as read that the Doctor's a celebrity everywhere he goes. This doesn't sound out of place in the new series, or indeed at the latter end of the UNIT era, but in 1966 it's a bit strange.
The second bizarre notion is the one that a computer capable of taking over the entire world takes up an entire room. No wait, this is 1966, so that's perfectly natural. What's bizarre is that the concept of all the major computers on Earth being linked together seems to foreshadow the internet to a really creepy degree.
Thirdly, this serial has a very early case of companion hypnosis. Dodo is brainwashed by the machines and ordered to recruit the Doctor. Interestingly, later in the serial, the Doctor brainwashes one of the machines and orders it to kill WOTAN and the thought-slaves who helped brainwash Dodo. (Yeah, he has an ulterior motive, namely saving humanity, but still it seems like revenge is suddenly/still in the Doctor's playbook.)
It's a UNIT story without UNIT. The army gets called in and obliterated, leaving the Doctor to save the day. Again, this is the only time Hartnell does something like this.
I give The War Machines a score of 7/10. It has a fairly decent pace, and Hartnell seems perfectly comfortable doing a contemporary story. You can go on about this being the end of an era, but honestly, between Peter Butterworth's Troughtonesque performance as the Monk in The Time Meddler and the movie starring Peter Cushing as Dr. Who, Hartnell's been on borrowed time for an entire year by this point. The UNIT formula is laid down here, four years early, and frankly, the UNIT years themselves rarely top this.
Who Review Index
Entertainment in Decline: Posers
The music industry is going the way of the dinosaur. Book publishing is sure to be almost directly behind it, and I can't imagine DVD (sorry, Blu-Ray) sales are going to remain afloat forever.
The culprit behind all this?
It's the posers, of course.
See, posers believe that people will pay for anything. Well, actually they believe that they're the next big thing, but they're stupid and wrong. But more importantly, they believe that people will pay for what they're making.
News flash: only fools pay for anything.
There is no way in hell that I'll ever pay for a Nirvana album. It's not because I am a commie, it's because I genuinely don't want to hear their noise at all. I have in fact listened to commercials instead of Nirvana.
As recording and distribution technologies got cheaper, more and more people could jump on the bandwagon. Suddenly there was more and more music out there, and the people responsible for keeping the filth out were asleep at the wheel. Instead, this new awful music was considered "inventive" or "avant-garde" or "stripped-down" or "alternative."
Here's another thing: The Godfather is nearly entirely unwatchable today. So is Citezen Kane. So is The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It's because CGI-obsessed hacks (and their explosion-and-boob-obsessed predecessors) have changed the rules. If your movie goes ten minutes without something exploding, no one will watch it. The only exception to this rule is the romance genre. And if I could explain how that genre stays afloat without sounding like a sexist monster, I could win a Pulitzer.
Yes, stagnation is bad, variety is the spice of life and all that. This does not justify bad music and bad movies. But this generation, and the one before it, doesn't seem capable of doing much else.
For a view that blames the consumers instead of the producers, go here.
The culprit behind all this?
It's the posers, of course.
See, posers believe that people will pay for anything. Well, actually they believe that they're the next big thing, but they're stupid and wrong. But more importantly, they believe that people will pay for what they're making.
News flash: only fools pay for anything.
There is no way in hell that I'll ever pay for a Nirvana album. It's not because I am a commie, it's because I genuinely don't want to hear their noise at all. I have in fact listened to commercials instead of Nirvana.
As recording and distribution technologies got cheaper, more and more people could jump on the bandwagon. Suddenly there was more and more music out there, and the people responsible for keeping the filth out were asleep at the wheel. Instead, this new awful music was considered "inventive" or "avant-garde" or "stripped-down" or "alternative."
Here's another thing: The Godfather is nearly entirely unwatchable today. So is Citezen Kane. So is The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It's because CGI-obsessed hacks (and their explosion-and-boob-obsessed predecessors) have changed the rules. If your movie goes ten minutes without something exploding, no one will watch it. The only exception to this rule is the romance genre. And if I could explain how that genre stays afloat without sounding like a sexist monster, I could win a Pulitzer.
Yes, stagnation is bad, variety is the spice of life and all that. This does not justify bad music and bad movies. But this generation, and the one before it, doesn't seem capable of doing much else.
For a view that blames the consumers instead of the producers, go here.
Entertainment in Decline: Commies
The music industry is going the way of the dinosaur. Book publishing is sure to be almost directly behind it, and I can't imagine DVD (sorry, Blu-Ray) sales are going to remain afloat forever.
The culprit behind all this?
It's the commies, of course.
See, commies believe that people should work for nothing. Well, actually they believe everything should be free, which is really the same thing.
News flash: only fools work for nothing.
Here's another thing: Television. Used to be, commercials paid for TV shows. Way back in the 50s and early 60s, it took televisions such a long time to warm up that you'd inevitably leave them on all day. So you'd be hearing commercials all day. Or perhaps you'd turn the volume down; you'd still be seeing commercials all day. And as technology got better, the ubiquitousness of commercials declined, but you'd still watch them in between the act breaks of your favorite shows.
And now we have DVRs and such. Hasta la bye-bye, commercials. Television ratings are crap today because these ratings refuse to take into account DVR recordings. Why should they? Nobody who DVRs a show is going to sit through the commercials (go ahead and prove me wrong, it's your life to waste).
So why is television still being made? Because people are silly, that's why.
Let me tell you what stealing is. Stealing is taking something that cost money to make without paying for it. Yup, you paid for your DVR, yup you paid for your internet, but none of that money goes to the people who make the television shows or the music or whatever.
And people will not work for nothing.
Am I suggesting that you donate to the Lars Ulrich Platinum Yacht fund? Only if you want to hear another Metallica album. If you don't, then don't.
The entertainment industry's going to pot because everybody knows they're not going to make as much money as they could have 10, 20 years ago, so why try very hard? Why try at all? No doubt there are talented, inventive people out there who are toiling away at 9-to-5 jobs because they know how screwed they'd be in today's entertainment industry.
And it's all thanks to the commies.
The culprit behind all this?
It's the commies, of course.
See, commies believe that people should work for nothing. Well, actually they believe everything should be free, which is really the same thing.
News flash: only fools work for nothing.
Here's another thing: Television. Used to be, commercials paid for TV shows. Way back in the 50s and early 60s, it took televisions such a long time to warm up that you'd inevitably leave them on all day. So you'd be hearing commercials all day. Or perhaps you'd turn the volume down; you'd still be seeing commercials all day. And as technology got better, the ubiquitousness of commercials declined, but you'd still watch them in between the act breaks of your favorite shows.
And now we have DVRs and such. Hasta la bye-bye, commercials. Television ratings are crap today because these ratings refuse to take into account DVR recordings. Why should they? Nobody who DVRs a show is going to sit through the commercials (go ahead and prove me wrong, it's your life to waste).
So why is television still being made? Because people are silly, that's why.
Let me tell you what stealing is. Stealing is taking something that cost money to make without paying for it. Yup, you paid for your DVR, yup you paid for your internet, but none of that money goes to the people who make the television shows or the music or whatever.
And people will not work for nothing.
Am I suggesting that you donate to the Lars Ulrich Platinum Yacht fund? Only if you want to hear another Metallica album. If you don't, then don't.
The entertainment industry's going to pot because everybody knows they're not going to make as much money as they could have 10, 20 years ago, so why try very hard? Why try at all? No doubt there are talented, inventive people out there who are toiling away at 9-to-5 jobs because they know how screwed they'd be in today's entertainment industry.
And it's all thanks to the commies.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
IG2EUS: Headaches
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of headaches:
If my head is this badly split open, I must be so hungover I don't even remember drinking.
Gaaaaaaaaaah.
If my head is this badly split open, I must be so hungover I don't even remember drinking.
Gaaaaaaaaaah.
Monday, October 4, 2010
IG2EUS: Doctor Who
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Doctor Who:
Doctor Who was a television show that ran on the BBC (and later BBC1) from 1963 until 1989. It was subsequently resurrected in 2005. Among its many contributions to culture are long multicolor scarfs, an irrational fear of salt-shakers, and the knowledge of what they call French fries in France.
The show was conceived by Winston Churchill, a suspected Time Lord, in 1941 as a way of showing just how bad the world would be if the Nazis won. However production could not begin yet because no budget could be allocated to anything not essential to winning the war effort. Terry Nation's Nazi script was put on hold until the war ended.
Once the war was over, Churchill was thrown out of power. In a drunken rage, he burned Nation's draft scripts, thus setting precedent that everything associated with the show would be burnt. Fortunately, because he was drunk, he forgot to burn one of the scripts and instead locked it away in an attic somewhere.
In 1962 a man named Alice Frick, whose parents obviously hated him, discovered these scripts and proposed the creation of a television show around them. Nation's script was now unsuitable as an opening story. The production team decided that instead of Nazis, the main threat had to be nuclear war. A thirteen-episode series was commissioned: one episode to introduce the main characters, three episodes set in a nuclear wasteland, seven episodes dealing with future Nazis, and two episodes of putting all the clues together and figuring out who Doctor Who was.
Unfortunately, the scripts had to be rushed out in a hurry, because the script editor, David Whitaker, was literally on a different planet. After turning down scripts from Gene Roddenberry, because they were too optimistic, and Douglas Adams, because he was eleven at the time, Whitaker took two shots of vodka and a noseful of cocaine, sat down with his notes, and banged out some nonsense about cavemen. Then he banged out more nonsense about Doctor Who's time machine and how it was alive. Then he banged out more nonsense about the French Revolution, the Crusades, the Norman Invasion, the Battle of Culloden, Atlantis, space pirates, cave-monsters, Atlantis again, the EEC, Atlantis yet again, giant spiders, giant robots, and giant mice. He also sounded out Terry Nation about recycling The Lord of the Rings in space. Then he died of a heart attack, leaving quite a mess behind him.
The BBC realized that, while Whitaker had laid out an interesting plan, fully implementing it would take about fourteen years. With Nation's new scripts coming in, they had no choice but to go ahead and grant the show a full season. Then the show somehow became a hit with the fans, who demanded subsequent seasons. This caused some consternation among the cast, who became increasingly upset about having to spend so much time in the company of giant saltshakers. One by one, they all quit. As they did so, they were replaced with younger and sexier actors and actresses, because the writing team was slowly forgetting how to write decent scripts. "More saltshakers!" was the constant cry from higher up. The last cast member to quit was the original Doctor Who, William Hartnell. He went on to time-travel into the future and audition for the role of Dumbledore in the Harry Potter films, but the homophobic actor pulled out when he learned of the character's sexual orientation. He went back to 1973 to make sure the show was going along all right without him, mumbled something about coming back one day, and then blasted off for the 22nd century. The BBC, incensed that they'd hired a real Time Lord who no doubt could have saved them a bunch of money in effects, burned much of his last season.
Meanwhile, back in 1966, the producers agreed to hire one of the Beatles, Patrick Troughton, to carry on in the role of Doctor Who. Troughton was initially hesitant, and for the rest of his life would bemoan the fact that "A Day in the Life" did not have an epic recorder solo.
The Beatles were forced to hire a replacement, thus leading to the famous "Pat is Dead" theory, even though he was obviously alive and well and playing Doctor Who. He ultimately left the show in 1969, rejoined the Beatles, and turned Abbey Road from another example of White Album and Let it Be-era self-indulgence into the masterpiece it is. Shortly afterwards, Troughton became a priest. It did not end well. The BBC, incensed at his decision to leave the show to make music and spread the Gospel, burned most of his episodes.
Also in the year 1969, International Man of Mystery Austin Powers was cryogenically frozen so that one day he could face his nemesis, Doctor Evil, again. The producers of Doctor Who decided to make the next incarnation of Doctor Who an homage to Powers. They cast Jon Pertwee, who happily obliged his paymasters with an impromptu nude scene in his second episode. He was later informed that by "homage Austin Powers," the BBC had meant "copy his outfit and nothing else. Not his teeth, not his glasses, and certainly not his habit of shagging anything in sight." By this point it was 1974, and the star had gotten rather tired of partying it up every night.
He was replaced by Tom Baker, alias Rasputin. Perhaps the most famous Doctor Who of them all, Tom stayed in the role for longer than should be legal. It's actually possible that he was going to be sacked after his third year, but then the producer was sacked instead. (For more on the sacking of this particular producer, please see The Stupidest Things Ever.) During the seven years he was on the show, he married each and every one of his female co-stars. In Tom's final episode, he was strangled by his own scarf, and then he was shot, poisoned, possessed by a zombie, decapitated, subjected to vast quantities of entropy, and finally thrown off the BBC's transmission tower in an effort to get him off the show. However he survived all of this and regenerated with the help of Rupert Giles.
Realizing that once again they had a real Time Lord on their hands, the producers allowed the "new" Doctor Who, "Peter Davison," to stick around for three more years. By this time the show had gone to hell anyway, thanks to the producership of Jonathan Turner Classic Movies. He demanded that the next Doctor Who wear an obscene multicolor suit. The only taker for the job was Colin Baker. Public reaction to his suit was to put the show on hiatus. Baker's reaction to the hiatus was to gain a lot of weight. Ultimately he was fired; nobody knows the reasons why because all of the paperwork was burnt.
The last Doctor Who of the original run was Sylvester McCoy. His attempt at proving that the show wasn't a tired old mule was to play Doctor Who in almost the exact same style as Patrick Troughton. To be fair, this is what almost every Doctor Who since Troughton did, but this time the audience caught on. The show was cancelled and Jonathan Turner Classic Movies was burnt.
There were some movies in the mid-60s starring Grand Moff Tarkin, but those don't count. There was also a movie in 1996 starring an actor known only as "I," thus making him the most appropriately-named Doctor Who to date. Whether this counts or not is a matter of debate and has been the cause of a surprising number of saltshaker-related injuries.
In 1999, American filmmaker George Lucass enquired about making "Special Editions" of classic Doctor Who serials, such as The Talons of Eng-China, Genesis of the Dales, and The Caves of Andreana. Nobody has heard anything from Mr. Lucass ever again. According to Tom Baker, history was really lucky there.
In 2005, the show was revived. The ninth Doctor Who was played by Christopher Eccleston, who had to quit after one season because of an allergic reaction to his leather jacket. He was replaced by David Tennant, probably the most controversial Doctor Who since Tom Baker. Either you like this enthusiastic gentleman with his unyielding optimism, or you can't stand this skinny idiot who gets upset when anyone else gets to play the hero.
Eventually, Tennant was replaced by Matthew Smith, best known for playing Young Voldemort on the cutting room floor. His female co-star has legs. This is all anyone currently watching the show knows about either of them. Mostly because of his female co-star's legs.
Doctor Who was a television show that ran on the BBC (and later BBC1) from 1963 until 1989. It was subsequently resurrected in 2005. Among its many contributions to culture are long multicolor scarfs, an irrational fear of salt-shakers, and the knowledge of what they call French fries in France.
The show was conceived by Winston Churchill, a suspected Time Lord, in 1941 as a way of showing just how bad the world would be if the Nazis won. However production could not begin yet because no budget could be allocated to anything not essential to winning the war effort. Terry Nation's Nazi script was put on hold until the war ended.
Once the war was over, Churchill was thrown out of power. In a drunken rage, he burned Nation's draft scripts, thus setting precedent that everything associated with the show would be burnt. Fortunately, because he was drunk, he forgot to burn one of the scripts and instead locked it away in an attic somewhere.
In 1962 a man named Alice Frick, whose parents obviously hated him, discovered these scripts and proposed the creation of a television show around them. Nation's script was now unsuitable as an opening story. The production team decided that instead of Nazis, the main threat had to be nuclear war. A thirteen-episode series was commissioned: one episode to introduce the main characters, three episodes set in a nuclear wasteland, seven episodes dealing with future Nazis, and two episodes of putting all the clues together and figuring out who Doctor Who was.
Unfortunately, the scripts had to be rushed out in a hurry, because the script editor, David Whitaker, was literally on a different planet. After turning down scripts from Gene Roddenberry, because they were too optimistic, and Douglas Adams, because he was eleven at the time, Whitaker took two shots of vodka and a noseful of cocaine, sat down with his notes, and banged out some nonsense about cavemen. Then he banged out more nonsense about Doctor Who's time machine and how it was alive. Then he banged out more nonsense about the French Revolution, the Crusades, the Norman Invasion, the Battle of Culloden, Atlantis, space pirates, cave-monsters, Atlantis again, the EEC, Atlantis yet again, giant spiders, giant robots, and giant mice. He also sounded out Terry Nation about recycling The Lord of the Rings in space. Then he died of a heart attack, leaving quite a mess behind him.
The BBC realized that, while Whitaker had laid out an interesting plan, fully implementing it would take about fourteen years. With Nation's new scripts coming in, they had no choice but to go ahead and grant the show a full season. Then the show somehow became a hit with the fans, who demanded subsequent seasons. This caused some consternation among the cast, who became increasingly upset about having to spend so much time in the company of giant saltshakers. One by one, they all quit. As they did so, they were replaced with younger and sexier actors and actresses, because the writing team was slowly forgetting how to write decent scripts. "More saltshakers!" was the constant cry from higher up. The last cast member to quit was the original Doctor Who, William Hartnell. He went on to time-travel into the future and audition for the role of Dumbledore in the Harry Potter films, but the homophobic actor pulled out when he learned of the character's sexual orientation. He went back to 1973 to make sure the show was going along all right without him, mumbled something about coming back one day, and then blasted off for the 22nd century. The BBC, incensed that they'd hired a real Time Lord who no doubt could have saved them a bunch of money in effects, burned much of his last season.
Meanwhile, back in 1966, the producers agreed to hire one of the Beatles, Patrick Troughton, to carry on in the role of Doctor Who. Troughton was initially hesitant, and for the rest of his life would bemoan the fact that "A Day in the Life" did not have an epic recorder solo.
The Beatles were forced to hire a replacement, thus leading to the famous "Pat is Dead" theory, even though he was obviously alive and well and playing Doctor Who. He ultimately left the show in 1969, rejoined the Beatles, and turned Abbey Road from another example of White Album and Let it Be-era self-indulgence into the masterpiece it is. Shortly afterwards, Troughton became a priest. It did not end well. The BBC, incensed at his decision to leave the show to make music and spread the Gospel, burned most of his episodes.
Also in the year 1969, International Man of Mystery Austin Powers was cryogenically frozen so that one day he could face his nemesis, Doctor Evil, again. The producers of Doctor Who decided to make the next incarnation of Doctor Who an homage to Powers. They cast Jon Pertwee, who happily obliged his paymasters with an impromptu nude scene in his second episode. He was later informed that by "homage Austin Powers," the BBC had meant "copy his outfit and nothing else. Not his teeth, not his glasses, and certainly not his habit of shagging anything in sight." By this point it was 1974, and the star had gotten rather tired of partying it up every night.
He was replaced by Tom Baker, alias Rasputin. Perhaps the most famous Doctor Who of them all, Tom stayed in the role for longer than should be legal. It's actually possible that he was going to be sacked after his third year, but then the producer was sacked instead. (For more on the sacking of this particular producer, please see The Stupidest Things Ever.) During the seven years he was on the show, he married each and every one of his female co-stars. In Tom's final episode, he was strangled by his own scarf, and then he was shot, poisoned, possessed by a zombie, decapitated, subjected to vast quantities of entropy, and finally thrown off the BBC's transmission tower in an effort to get him off the show. However he survived all of this and regenerated with the help of Rupert Giles.
Realizing that once again they had a real Time Lord on their hands, the producers allowed the "new" Doctor Who, "Peter Davison," to stick around for three more years. By this time the show had gone to hell anyway, thanks to the producership of Jonathan Turner Classic Movies. He demanded that the next Doctor Who wear an obscene multicolor suit. The only taker for the job was Colin Baker. Public reaction to his suit was to put the show on hiatus. Baker's reaction to the hiatus was to gain a lot of weight. Ultimately he was fired; nobody knows the reasons why because all of the paperwork was burnt.
The last Doctor Who of the original run was Sylvester McCoy. His attempt at proving that the show wasn't a tired old mule was to play Doctor Who in almost the exact same style as Patrick Troughton. To be fair, this is what almost every Doctor Who since Troughton did, but this time the audience caught on. The show was cancelled and Jonathan Turner Classic Movies was burnt.
There were some movies in the mid-60s starring Grand Moff Tarkin, but those don't count. There was also a movie in 1996 starring an actor known only as "I," thus making him the most appropriately-named Doctor Who to date. Whether this counts or not is a matter of debate and has been the cause of a surprising number of saltshaker-related injuries.
In 1999, American filmmaker George Lucass enquired about making "Special Editions" of classic Doctor Who serials, such as The Talons of Eng-China, Genesis of the Dales, and The Caves of Andreana. Nobody has heard anything from Mr. Lucass ever again. According to Tom Baker, history was really lucky there.
In 2005, the show was revived. The ninth Doctor Who was played by Christopher Eccleston, who had to quit after one season because of an allergic reaction to his leather jacket. He was replaced by David Tennant, probably the most controversial Doctor Who since Tom Baker. Either you like this enthusiastic gentleman with his unyielding optimism, or you can't stand this skinny idiot who gets upset when anyone else gets to play the hero.
Eventually, Tennant was replaced by Matthew Smith, best known for playing Young Voldemort on the cutting room floor. His female co-star has legs. This is all anyone currently watching the show knows about either of them. Mostly because of his female co-star's legs.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
IG2EUS: Time Lords
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Time Lords:
Time Lords fall into two categories. Most of them are nasty, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They live insular lives on the island of Hellfire, Ireland, and demand that nobody ever interfere with anything, ever. They have been known to kill hobos for interfering. They have also been known to attempt to kill cricketers because they might be a possible threat. They have been known to attempt to kill Colin Baker for having some truly awful taste in clothing.
The other type of Time Lords are fun-loving nutcases who tend to leave large swaths of destruction in their wake, but also very entertained people.
Time Lords normally have thirteen lives. However, this number can increase when exposed to the Ring of Rassilon, and it can decrease when exposed to the Gauntlet of Rassilon, and also mind probes.
Ninety-nine percent of Time Lords are white males, and all of them speak English.
The following people are confirmed to be known Time Lords:
Syd Barrett
Colin Baker
Tom Baker
James Bond*
Chewbacca
Peter Davison
Roger Delgado
Bruce Dickinson
Christopher Eccleston
Elim Garak
William Hartnell
James T. Kirk
John Lennon
The Man With No Name
Sylvester McCoy
Paul McGann
Wolfgang A. Mozart
Jimmy Page
James K. Polk
Rassilon*
Keith Richards
Teddy Roosevelt
George C. Scott
William Shakespeare
Benjamin Sisko
Agent Smith
Matt Smith
Doctor Strangelove
David Tennant
Patrick Troughton
Martin Van Buren
Vincent Van Gough
H. G. Wells
Joss Whedon
Woodrow Wilson
*It is possible that James Bond is a subsequent incarnation of Rassilon.
Time Lords fall into two categories. Most of them are nasty, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They live insular lives on the island of Hellfire, Ireland, and demand that nobody ever interfere with anything, ever. They have been known to kill hobos for interfering. They have also been known to attempt to kill cricketers because they might be a possible threat. They have been known to attempt to kill Colin Baker for having some truly awful taste in clothing.
The other type of Time Lords are fun-loving nutcases who tend to leave large swaths of destruction in their wake, but also very entertained people.
Time Lords normally have thirteen lives. However, this number can increase when exposed to the Ring of Rassilon, and it can decrease when exposed to the Gauntlet of Rassilon, and also mind probes.
Ninety-nine percent of Time Lords are white males, and all of them speak English.
The following people are confirmed to be known Time Lords:
Syd Barrett
Colin Baker
Tom Baker
James Bond*
Chewbacca
Peter Davison
Roger Delgado
Bruce Dickinson
Christopher Eccleston
Elim Garak
William Hartnell
James T. Kirk
John Lennon
The Man With No Name
Sylvester McCoy
Paul McGann
Wolfgang A. Mozart
Jimmy Page
James K. Polk
Rassilon*
Keith Richards
Teddy Roosevelt
George C. Scott
William Shakespeare
Benjamin Sisko
Agent Smith
Matt Smith
Doctor Strangelove
David Tennant
Patrick Troughton
Martin Van Buren
Vincent Van Gough
H. G. Wells
Joss Whedon
Woodrow Wilson
*It is possible that James Bond is a subsequent incarnation of Rassilon.
IG2EUS: Pink Floyd
The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Pink Floyd:
Pink Floyd were an English rock band, best known for composing the title track to the famous musical, The Phantom of the Opera, and the sountrack to the famous motion picture, The Wizard of Oz.
The band was fromed in 1966-ish by a displaced and delusional Time Lord named Syd Barrett. Preoccupied with the "drugs" part of "sex, drugs and rock & roll," he soon left the band to pursue this venture full-time. Before he left, they recorded one album Sgt. Piper at the Gates of the Lonely Hearts Club (1967). Following his departure, the band wrote several clueless albums, including A Saucer Full of Secretions (1968), which covered sex; Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh (1969) and The One With a Cow on the Cover (1970), which covered drugs; and Metal (1971), which covered rock and roll. Metal contained a cover of the Doctor Who theme and ended with a song called "Echoes" which took up five of the album's six sides. The band were asked if they would consider letting Stanely Kubrick use the song in his film 2001: Are We There Yet? for a considerable amount of money, but declined in favor of letting Andrew Lloyd Webber have it for free to use in a musical about a man in a mask who haunts a theater.
Tempted by the offer of scoring a movie, the band settled down in 1972-3 to record the soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz. This was possible because Syd Barrett, being a Time Lord, had access to a time machine. Once the soundtrack was finished, they wrote their next album, Wish You Were Here (1975), about him.
Now totally out of ideas, they began writing concept albums such as A Day at the Zoo, I Never Got Over My Father's Death, and Margaret Thatcher is Evil. By this point, the band was in the totalitarian grip of its lead singer, lead bassist, lead writer, manager, and only roadie, Roger Waters. He left the band after this because he couldn't stand working with people who had no ideas, and went on to have a solo career where he surrounded himself with peopel who had no ideas.
The rest of the band, which consisted of drummer Nick Mason, keyboardist Rick Wright, and guitar god David Gilmour, soldiered on for two more albums before finally calling it a day in 1994.
There has yet to be a Rock Band or Guitar Hero game about this band, probably because all of the songs are in the same tempo: slow. As far as lyrical themes go, the band has covered everything ranging from drug-induced depression and isolation to loss-induced depression and isolation to feud-induced depression and isolation.
They are one of the five biggest selling bands of all time. The soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz is one of only a handful of albums to outsell Led Zeppelin IV.
Pink Floyd were an English rock band, best known for composing the title track to the famous musical, The Phantom of the Opera, and the sountrack to the famous motion picture, The Wizard of Oz.
The band was fromed in 1966-ish by a displaced and delusional Time Lord named Syd Barrett. Preoccupied with the "drugs" part of "sex, drugs and rock & roll," he soon left the band to pursue this venture full-time. Before he left, they recorded one album Sgt. Piper at the Gates of the Lonely Hearts Club (1967). Following his departure, the band wrote several clueless albums, including A Saucer Full of Secretions (1968), which covered sex; Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh (1969) and The One With a Cow on the Cover (1970), which covered drugs; and Metal (1971), which covered rock and roll. Metal contained a cover of the Doctor Who theme and ended with a song called "Echoes" which took up five of the album's six sides. The band were asked if they would consider letting Stanely Kubrick use the song in his film 2001: Are We There Yet? for a considerable amount of money, but declined in favor of letting Andrew Lloyd Webber have it for free to use in a musical about a man in a mask who haunts a theater.
Tempted by the offer of scoring a movie, the band settled down in 1972-3 to record the soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz. This was possible because Syd Barrett, being a Time Lord, had access to a time machine. Once the soundtrack was finished, they wrote their next album, Wish You Were Here (1975), about him.
Now totally out of ideas, they began writing concept albums such as A Day at the Zoo, I Never Got Over My Father's Death, and Margaret Thatcher is Evil. By this point, the band was in the totalitarian grip of its lead singer, lead bassist, lead writer, manager, and only roadie, Roger Waters. He left the band after this because he couldn't stand working with people who had no ideas, and went on to have a solo career where he surrounded himself with peopel who had no ideas.
The rest of the band, which consisted of drummer Nick Mason, keyboardist Rick Wright, and guitar god David Gilmour, soldiered on for two more albums before finally calling it a day in 1994.
There has yet to be a Rock Band or Guitar Hero game about this band, probably because all of the songs are in the same tempo: slow. As far as lyrical themes go, the band has covered everything ranging from drug-induced depression and isolation to loss-induced depression and isolation to feud-induced depression and isolation.
They are one of the five biggest selling bands of all time. The soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz is one of only a handful of albums to outsell Led Zeppelin IV.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
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Friday, October 1, 2010
You know that show...
...the sci-fi television show that started back in the sixties, survived being cancelled, and now has more than 700 episodes in its franchise?
...the one with the literal cast of thousands, though nobody stayed a cast member for more than seven consecutive years?
...that had at least one movie made based on it, and at least one movie that, well, isn't very good?
...that re-cast the original lead at one point?
...where the pilot episode wasn't the first one aired, and had its plot recycled into another episode?
...where the first actor to play the main character was named "William" and the second actor to play the main character was named "Patrick?"
...that had Maurice Roeves, Gregg Palmer, Simon Pegg, Deep Roy, Daphne Ashbrook, Guy Siner, Christopher Neame, Barrie Ingham, Olaf Pooley, John Franklyn-Robbins and Alan Dale guest-star at one point or another?
You know, Star Trek. Also, Doctor Who.
In unrelated news, it's now a confirmed fact that Jar Jar Binks was in fact a minion of Satan.
...the one with the literal cast of thousands, though nobody stayed a cast member for more than seven consecutive years?
...that had at least one movie made based on it, and at least one movie that, well, isn't very good?
...that re-cast the original lead at one point?
...where the pilot episode wasn't the first one aired, and had its plot recycled into another episode?
...where the first actor to play the main character was named "William" and the second actor to play the main character was named "Patrick?"
...that had Maurice Roeves, Gregg Palmer, Simon Pegg, Deep Roy, Daphne Ashbrook, Guy Siner, Christopher Neame, Barrie Ingham, Olaf Pooley, John Franklyn-Robbins and Alan Dale guest-star at one point or another?
You know, Star Trek. Also, Doctor Who.
In unrelated news, it's now a confirmed fact that Jar Jar Binks was in fact a minion of Satan.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Top Whatever Who Lists
Recap: my top five:
The Mind Robber, Carnival of Monsters, City of Death, Remembrance of the Daleks, "Blink." No actual listing for you; these are in chronological order because I'm too much of a coward to actually pick my number one all time favorite. Though I will say that Rememberance is barely clinging to that spot, and Talons may very well take it away by the time I get around to doing the respective reviews (my complaints about Talons essentially being, "it's too long and the rat is rubbish").
Doctor Who Magazine's 2009 list:
1. THE CAVES OF ANDROZANI (1984) starring PETER DAVISON
2. BLINK (2007) starring DAVID TENNANT
3. GENESIS OF THE DALEKS (1975) starring TOM BAKER
4. THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG (1977) starring TOM BAKER
5. THE EMPTY CHILD (2005) starring CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON
6. HUMAN NATURE (2007) starring DAVID TENNANT
7. PYRAMIDS OF MARS (1975) starring TOM BAKER
8. CITY OF DEATH (1979) starring TOM BAKER
9. THE ROBOTS OF DEATH (1977) starring TOM BAKER
10. BAD WOLF (2005) starring CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON
I can see arguments for all these except "Bad Wolf." Come on, if you're that obsessed with getting a second Eccleston on there, make it "Dalek!"
And the 2003 Outpost Gallifrey 40th anniversary top 5 (because that's all I remember):
1. Talons of Weng-Chiang
2. Caves of Androzani
3. Pyramids of Mars
4. Genesis of the Daleks
5. City of Death
Obviously, I think the 2009 poll is just a tad skewed towards the new series... let's see, in 2009, there were 30 seasons, and four of them were from the new series. Yup, that sounds like 40% to me. Okay, let's take out seasons 3-5, since they largely don't exist anymore, and also carve out 22-24, since they're so bad. This leaves us with 24 seasons, four of which are from the new series. That's 16% of the whole show snagging 40% of the spots.
I'd also be willing to bet that Caves got a boost to the number-one spot when there's no other classic Doctor aside from Tom Baker on that entire list solely on the basis of "Time Crash." Now, there's no denying that it's an absolutely awesome serial, I just think it's a bit... well, shall we say, odd, that only one classic serial ever stands a chance of beating the One True Time Lord. (Maybe all the anti-Tom fans rally behind that one because they know it's the only non-Tom story capable of reaching the number one spot.) I vaguely recall the Outpost Gallifrey poll had stories like Inferno and The Evil of the Daleks (which doesn't even freaking exist anymore) in the top 15, which would seem to indicate that the reference pools may have shrunk...
...or it could be that OG and DWM cater to different chunks of the fandom. Whatever.
The Mind Robber, Carnival of Monsters, City of Death, Remembrance of the Daleks, "Blink." No actual listing for you; these are in chronological order because I'm too much of a coward to actually pick my number one all time favorite. Though I will say that Rememberance is barely clinging to that spot, and Talons may very well take it away by the time I get around to doing the respective reviews (my complaints about Talons essentially being, "it's too long and the rat is rubbish").
Doctor Who Magazine's 2009 list:
1. THE CAVES OF ANDROZANI (1984) starring PETER DAVISON
2. BLINK (2007) starring DAVID TENNANT
3. GENESIS OF THE DALEKS (1975) starring TOM BAKER
4. THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG (1977) starring TOM BAKER
5. THE EMPTY CHILD (2005) starring CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON
6. HUMAN NATURE (2007) starring DAVID TENNANT
7. PYRAMIDS OF MARS (1975) starring TOM BAKER
8. CITY OF DEATH (1979) starring TOM BAKER
9. THE ROBOTS OF DEATH (1977) starring TOM BAKER
10. BAD WOLF (2005) starring CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON
I can see arguments for all these except "Bad Wolf." Come on, if you're that obsessed with getting a second Eccleston on there, make it "Dalek!"
And the 2003 Outpost Gallifrey 40th anniversary top 5 (because that's all I remember):
1. Talons of Weng-Chiang
2. Caves of Androzani
3. Pyramids of Mars
4. Genesis of the Daleks
5. City of Death
Obviously, I think the 2009 poll is just a tad skewed towards the new series... let's see, in 2009, there were 30 seasons, and four of them were from the new series. Yup, that sounds like 40% to me. Okay, let's take out seasons 3-5, since they largely don't exist anymore, and also carve out 22-24, since they're so bad. This leaves us with 24 seasons, four of which are from the new series. That's 16% of the whole show snagging 40% of the spots.
I'd also be willing to bet that Caves got a boost to the number-one spot when there's no other classic Doctor aside from Tom Baker on that entire list solely on the basis of "Time Crash." Now, there's no denying that it's an absolutely awesome serial, I just think it's a bit... well, shall we say, odd, that only one classic serial ever stands a chance of beating the One True Time Lord. (Maybe all the anti-Tom fans rally behind that one because they know it's the only non-Tom story capable of reaching the number one spot.) I vaguely recall the Outpost Gallifrey poll had stories like Inferno and The Evil of the Daleks (which doesn't even freaking exist anymore) in the top 15, which would seem to indicate that the reference pools may have shrunk...
...or it could be that OG and DWM cater to different chunks of the fandom. Whatever.
"It'll Do Because It's Doctor Who:" The Danger of Branding
There's a theory, one that's admittedly hard to disprove, that says you can draw conclusions about branding. For example, cult shows had better not try to swim on FOX.
...well that's not the point I was trying to make. Fortunately, that theory can be disproved by such notable shows as...
...dammit.
Well, anyway:
People think something is worth their time and money because they know that that something is good. Is it a CD with the words AC/DC on it? No? Okay, AC(lightning-slash)DC? Okay, there we go. Yeah, that CD is probably full of overdriven guitars playing three chords while the singer praises rock and roll. Or women. Well, "praise" might not be the right word, but you get the point.
That film starts with the words "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?" I guarantee you that at some point someone will whip out a glowing laser-sword. Also someone will say "I have a bad feeling about this."
A television show that starts with a syncopated bass line and a "oo-ee-oo" theme tune? Well, it's probably about a man with 13 lives gallivanting around space and time, probably with a young woman along to get captured and tied up every twenty minutes. If the credits don't include a phone box tumbling through a vortex, chances are the effects are going to be pretty shoddy, too.
Well, yes, nobody can disagree with me on these points, because everything I've said thus far is objective. I didn't say "AC/DC is the greatest band evar!!!" and I didn't say "Star Wars is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Doctor Who's bad effects." (No, of course not. Star Wars is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Star Trek's bad effects, while Nu Who is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Classic Who's bad effects.)
That stuff in parentheses was a joke. But here's the thing! People think that. They may or may not have a good reason to think that. Certainly, nobody whose only experience with Doctor Who was, say Seasons 22-24, or whose only exposure to Star Wars is Attack of the Clones is going to think that either thing was ever very good.
Then there are the people who will stick with something that's obviously bad and defend it to the death simply because it's got the name of something they like on it. Let It Be isn't a bad album, they'll say. That's impossible! The Beatles didn't make bad albums.
There are probably people out there who will sit through repeated showings of The Godfather Part III just because it's got The Godfather in its title. I just want you to think about that. There are people like that out there.
...and they're allowed to vote.
The title of this post comes from the attitude taken towards Doctor Who by its own producer in the late 70s. People love this show. They eat it up. It's not for any specific reason; it just is. And that is precisely the point, Brigadier. That is precisely the point.
If you love something, be it a TV show or a band or a film series or a book, for the love of all that is holy cast a critical eye over it every once and again (unless this something you love is your significant other, for They Can Do No Harm). If the quality declines, say so! Don't eagerly lap it up just because it's got the same title as your favorite film, just a different roman numeral at the end!
There's a reason fanboys have a bad name, aside from the fact that they have no lives outside the object of their worship. They cannot look at something and acknowledge that it's bad. Even Doctor Who is only a partial subversion these days, because everyone "knows" that Seasons 22-24 were horrible, but still nobody wants to look that closely at the flaws of, say The Caves of Androzani! Are we honestly unable to look at our favorite things through the eyes of someone else?
Yes, as fans we are allowed to forgive certain things more easily (say, Doctor Who and the Silurians). But for the love of all that's holy, never, ever ever ever ever ever ever tell a non-fan that they just don't "get" it. Nothing will turn them off a cult thing faster than obnoxious and willfully blind fan-worship.
...well that's not the point I was trying to make. Fortunately, that theory can be disproved by such notable shows as...
...dammit.
Well, anyway:
People think something is worth their time and money because they know that that something is good. Is it a CD with the words AC/DC on it? No? Okay, AC(lightning-slash)DC? Okay, there we go. Yeah, that CD is probably full of overdriven guitars playing three chords while the singer praises rock and roll. Or women. Well, "praise" might not be the right word, but you get the point.
That film starts with the words "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?" I guarantee you that at some point someone will whip out a glowing laser-sword. Also someone will say "I have a bad feeling about this."
A television show that starts with a syncopated bass line and a "oo-ee-oo" theme tune? Well, it's probably about a man with 13 lives gallivanting around space and time, probably with a young woman along to get captured and tied up every twenty minutes. If the credits don't include a phone box tumbling through a vortex, chances are the effects are going to be pretty shoddy, too.
Well, yes, nobody can disagree with me on these points, because everything I've said thus far is objective. I didn't say "AC/DC is the greatest band evar!!!" and I didn't say "Star Wars is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Doctor Who's bad effects." (No, of course not. Star Wars is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Star Trek's bad effects, while Nu Who is stupid, overrated, and only for the drooling morons who want space adventures but can't get past Classic Who's bad effects.)
That stuff in parentheses was a joke. But here's the thing! People think that. They may or may not have a good reason to think that. Certainly, nobody whose only experience with Doctor Who was, say Seasons 22-24, or whose only exposure to Star Wars is Attack of the Clones is going to think that either thing was ever very good.
Then there are the people who will stick with something that's obviously bad and defend it to the death simply because it's got the name of something they like on it. Let It Be isn't a bad album, they'll say. That's impossible! The Beatles didn't make bad albums.
There are probably people out there who will sit through repeated showings of The Godfather Part III just because it's got The Godfather in its title. I just want you to think about that. There are people like that out there.
...and they're allowed to vote.
The title of this post comes from the attitude taken towards Doctor Who by its own producer in the late 70s. People love this show. They eat it up. It's not for any specific reason; it just is. And that is precisely the point, Brigadier. That is precisely the point.
If you love something, be it a TV show or a band or a film series or a book, for the love of all that is holy cast a critical eye over it every once and again (unless this something you love is your significant other, for They Can Do No Harm). If the quality declines, say so! Don't eagerly lap it up just because it's got the same title as your favorite film, just a different roman numeral at the end!
There's a reason fanboys have a bad name, aside from the fact that they have no lives outside the object of their worship. They cannot look at something and acknowledge that it's bad. Even Doctor Who is only a partial subversion these days, because everyone "knows" that Seasons 22-24 were horrible, but still nobody wants to look that closely at the flaws of, say The Caves of Androzani! Are we honestly unable to look at our favorite things through the eyes of someone else?
Yes, as fans we are allowed to forgive certain things more easily (say, Doctor Who and the Silurians). But for the love of all that's holy, never, ever ever ever ever ever ever tell a non-fan that they just don't "get" it. Nothing will turn them off a cult thing faster than obnoxious and willfully blind fan-worship.
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Image of the Week: Pearl Harbor and the Fog of War
I follow a lot of naval history accounts, so this "Japanese map showing their assessment of the damage done to the United States flee...
