IG2EUS: Political Parties

The Irreverent Guide to Everything Under the Sun has this to say on the subject of Political Parties:

Political parties are sinister polarizing forces that conspire to turn man against his brother until man exists no more.

In the Decadent Wayward Colony known as America, there are two main political parties, the Republicans and the Democrats. The Republicans believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global terrorism, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge. In contrast, the Democrats believe that the government must have every power necessary to fight the threat of global poverty, but only when the adults (e.g, themselves) are in charge.

Every two years, both parties spend a fantastic amount of money to elect one candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions over another candidate who loves their country and who has strong convictions. Americans (and indeed, most citizens living in democracies) see this as perfectly reasonable. Remember, a democracy is a form of government that posits that the people are intelligent enough to elect their own leaders.

Every four years, the American political parties spend enough money to fund a minor war in order to get their candidate elected to occupy the White House, and also the Presidency. On paper, all the President gets to do is execute the law. This does not, thankfully, involve a firing squad. In reality, however, the President must be the voice of the free world. And this, thankfully, does not involve a firing squad either. Once it does, you can take comfort in knowing that it's already too late and there is nothing you can do.

See also:
The End of the World
Really Really Stupid Ideas