From the "in the Armageddon-esque event that I have children..." file

Prompted by this article.

"It’s time to take away our children’s TVs, iPhones, iPads and all the other shit they shouldn’t have and force them to listen to music prior to 1999."

Never mind for a moment the fact that I'm 25 and don't own a smartphone - that's a lifestyle choice on my part that I've never regretted. My kids aren't getting a cell phone until they're in high school, and they're not getting a tablet or a smartphone from me, period.

And they're never getting an iTunes gift card, although that has more to do with the fact that after I moved all my music onto a new computer, the three songs* I bought off iTunes randomly crap out halfway through them. F*cking DRM.

No, kids, when it comes to music, you're getting the entire Beatles catalogue (minus Let It Be),** the entire Zeppelin catalogue,*** everything AC/DC did between and including Let There Be Rock and Back in Black, Thin Lizzy from Fighting to Renegade, Pink Floyd from Meddle to The Wall, and, oh hell yes, Iron Maiden from The Number of the Beast through Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, and Brave New World to boot.

You are welcome.

*"Big Gun" by AC/DC, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by the Charlie Daniels Band, and "When You're Evil" by Voltaire.  Yes, really.

**And I'll attach a note to The White Album that says "you can only do something this mindlessly self-indulgent when you've already given the world 'A Day in the Life'"

***Because as weak as the rest of Presence is, "Achilles Last Stand" is f*cking epic.

And the word that Blogger can't recognize today: catalogue. Not making this up.