Thanks to his meddling, Samwell the Corpulent has been promoted to Sworn Brother of the Sworn Society of Bollocks-Freezing Sexless Trogwatches At The Ass End Of The World. Good show old bean. The adorable pork thinks that they might change their minds vis a vis making him an Sworn Brother and merely eat him instead. If there is a complaint later on about not having enough food to feed the Watch I swear I will put this book through a wall. Again.
Mormont - the less badass one, the father, not the son, hrm, bit of an odd judgment call, that, let Junior go swanning off to places unknown, off beyond the edge of the map (here there be dragons, fynnnaaaaarrrr), and move your own cantankerous carcass up from a shack on an island to a fortress with only one Wall. Exactly the chap we want leading this outfit, innit? Shame he couldn't be convinced to bear the sins of his deserters, too, otherwise Gared/Wil (delete according to continuity) could be off slumming it in Targsville too. (In which case Dany wouldn't waste an interminable unnovel in Meereen, since somebody would have told her, "hey, we need your dragons at the wall, stat.") Where was I? Captain Judgment - ooh, let's not go there, the series is full of poor life choices - gives a long speech about family and duty and honor and hey you hack those are the Tully words! Get your own Words!
Also, what's all this yak about leaving your families behind? Codswallop. You've got a sword named Longclaw, aintcha?
At the end of the speech he tells them to think long and hard before saying the vow, and then tells them that anybody who wishes to leave their company should "go now, and no one shall think the less of you." Not at all sure how that works, given that a bunch of them are rapers and thieves and poachers and bastards and gays and, worst of all, people who drive under the speed limit in the fast lane. It's either this or the dungeon. Or a lost hand. Or, Gods help us, Lysa Tully's hand in marriage. There are some things worse than that, but nothing whatsoever that turns up in this series, no siree. And if there was, it would be confined to an unnovel were nobody distinguished themselves and positively nothing of consequence happened for nine hundred pages.
Jon says he'll go say his words in front of a heart tree because that's how the Starks roll. Sam says he'll go with him, because, hey, situational sexuality, life choices, etc. Then Jon finds out that he's not going to be a ranger, which causes him to almost have a ragequit and stomp his foot. Daeron is sent to Eastwatch to help get them better food-
(...)
Jon is about as upset as my landlord is going to be. I don't think there's a clause in my contract about this sort of thing. Everyone else points out that he's obviously being groomed for command. Jon, not my landlord. Daeron's not having any of his shit, and I can't blame him. Jon Snow is a tit. He's literally the only person at Castle Black who doesn't have to be there, and he's bitching about it. Sam eventually talks him 'round (pun intended).
All righty. Time to say the words.
I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice square bracket to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork comma serve the public trust comma and defend the subjects of His stroke Her bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket Majesty bracket name of reigning monarch bracket without fear comma favor comma or thought of personal safety semicolon to pursue evildoers and protect the innocent comma laying down my life if necessary in the cause of said duty comma so help me bracket aforesaid deity bracket full stop Gods Save the King stroke Queen bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket full stop.Er, wait. That can't be the right oath. Nothing in there about obeying orders.
But it says right here on my computerthinkerthingy: "Night Watch oath."
Well anyway, both that one and the "Night gathers" one seem to curiously lack anything about obeying orders.
And then Ghost finds a hand. Smash to black, roll credits.
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