G'day.
If you are reading this brubbery you have less sense than Eddard Stark in a Small Council meeting. We all know what happens - it's a very short chapter - and my comments tend to be less snarky and more meligrubrious. The Oxford English Dictionary has not yet come up with a definition for "meligrubrious," so let me coin one: Pointless, hate-fueled frippery, or: what Democrats think of every Republican talking point.
Previously on I HATE SAM HE SLOWS DOWN THE PLOT AND ADDS NOTHING OF VALUE, AND THIS IS DOUBLY TRUE ON THAT "ADAPTATION" PORNO HBO IS DOING, Ned Stark continued to bungle his way through a succession crisis.
Syrio has told Arya that they have time for one more lesson. Ned Stark, watchful and protective parent, guy who has safeguarded Jon Snow these last fourteen years, says okay. Bro, is Arya even your kid? You know things are going to get messy. No, send her off to Yoda. She'll be perfectly safe. From everything. Even by-products. (Props if you get that reference. Otherwise click here.)
Also: Syrio. You should know better. You must be Jaqen, Daario and Benjen in disguise, all at once. Oh and Aegon VI just for good measure. Heavens knows that brat's still alive, obviously foreshadowed and whatnot (sarcasm).
Two pieces of news arrive in quick succession: Robert is dead and Renly has fled (the Fuhrer is dead and Europe is Red, let us point all our guns at the USA).
Ned doesn't bother to point out that Stannis is the rightful heir, because screw getting support from honorable folk like Barristan the Bold, Littleprick - the guy who constantly talks about how he wanted to screw your wife back in the day - is the only friend you need. Ned, you're honestly the closest thing this series has to a villain. I have to wonder if A Song of Ice and Fire isn't a piece of historical fiction from an alternate universe and, like The Killer Angels, its primary objective is to attempt to rehabilitate Ned Stark/James Longstreet from Treacherous Usurper What Done Started A War/Treacherous Oaf What Done Lost Us The War into King Robert's Ineffective But Loyal Retainer/Mars Robert's Ineffective But Loyal Retainer. Hrm.
Ned hands the letter to Varys - VARYS NOT SELMY YOU F*CKIN' HACKS - and, well, everything goes to pot.
Who the f*ck things trusting Littleprick is in any way a good idea?
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