I found a Game of Thrones Season Six wishlist. Hahahahahahaha.

I was rooting around in the deepest darkest depths of my computer where no sane man dares tread, and I found a list I'd written earlier this year of all the stuff I wanted to have happen in Season Six of Game of Thrones. Here's that list.

Some BatFamily Things the DCEU Should Adapt (And Why They Won't)

The short answer for "why they won't" will boil down to "Batman has this reputation as a grim loner even though the Bat-Family is frickin' huge, and who cares about the guy who doesn't have superpowers? I mean, how can Zack Snyder get his God issues shoehorned in there?"

Some Musings on the DCCU

1. Zack Snyder was a really weird choice to lead this up
Especially coming off of Sucker Punch, both because it was a "flop" (I've noticed this word suddenly has no consistent meaning in the wake of The SJW Campaign To Prop Up The Corpse Of Fake Ghostbusters By Shitting On Suicide Squad, but I digress - and, FWIW, Fake Ghostbusters was marginally more successful less of a box office disaster than Sucker Punch) and because it's his most un-commercial film, ever. What, did the "White Rabbit" sequence really just floor the studio execs. or did they think that While He Raped Me, I Closed My Eyes And Went To My Happy Place, The Movie could steal a chunk of Marvel's Underpants Brigade's audience?

2. Having picked Snyder, the studio then kneecapped him
There is near-unanimous agreement that the extended/director's/ultimate cuts of Watchmen, Sucker Punch, and now Dawn of Justice are better than the theatrical versions. In other words, get this, people are more receptive to something approximating Snyder's original vision rather than the watered-down version the studio and censors approve of. And yet Warner Brothers still forced him to carve out thirty minutes of plot-hole-patching from Dawn of Justice. When will they learn? Snyder is a controversial pick, yes, but by picking him you've chosen to pander to the Snyder-supporters and Snyder-curious* at the expense of the Snyder-loathers. Don't backtrack on that now and alienate his fans by watering down his vision. You chose Snyder to helm your five-years-too-late rival to Marvel's Underpants Brigade. Either get out of the way and let him do his thing, or bring in a more conventional director to run the show.

*Which of these camps am I in? Dunno: I thought 300 was okay, ish, Watchmen was good, Sucker Punch was deranged and demented and totally inaccessible to a casual audience (read: my parents) but also psychotically brilliant, Man of Steel was sh*t, and Dawn of Justice was okay, ish. Since my favorite Snyder film - Sucker Punch** - is also the Snyder-iest Snyder film, does that make me a Snyder-supporter even though the rest of his output averages out to about "meh?"

**Look, it gets in your head and makes you analyze it, and besides the soundtrack is killer, all right? That film is pure thought-bait for someone like me, did you see the incoherent mess that my review was? (N.B., I do not stand by everything I wrote in that review; I wrote it when I'd only half-figured out the film and never wrote a follow-up. That "review" is literally me piecing my day-after-watching thoughts on the film together on the page in real time.) Don't judge me.

3. Unless they fire/demote Snyder, they're probably going down in flames
Tainted goods at this point.

4. If they do fire/demote Snyder, Wonder Woman is probably going to be sh*t.
Because look at the premise and tell me it couldn't easily be a steaming pile of Fake Ghostbusters-esque feminist crap.

5. They are f*cked.
Oh well.

Why Suicide Squad Got Bad Reviews: A Theory

Let's play a game.

Spectre made 3.5x its budget. Rotten Tomatoes score: 65%
The Force Awakens made 6.5x its budget. Rotten Tomatoes: 92%
Captain America: Civil War: 4.6x its budget, 90%
Batman v. Superman: 3.5x its budget, 27%
Fake Ghostbusters: 1.3x its budget, 74%
Suicide Squad (after two weekends): 2.7x its budget, 27%

Does... does one of these numbers really really REALLY stick out as something of an inexplicable outlier?

Y'see, the PC SJW Hollywood Left tried to ram Fake Ghostbusters down our throats, Hillary-style. "Look! Women over 40 can totally carry a film!" We The Audience said, "no thank you."

So along comes Margot Robbie In Hot Pants, and the PC SJW Hollywood Left goes apoplectic. "How dare people want to see a hot, funny, 26-year-old in skimpy clothing instead of a fat frumpy 40-something in a boiler suit? Suicide Squad must be bad! It must it must it must, because my worldview will be invalidated if it is successful." These people know, deep down, that Fake Ghostbusters is absolutely terrible, but if the world doesn't play along with their little lie, then the world must be wrong and anyway, how dare someone put a sexy woman in an action film?

And, yes, you also have your Marvel fanatics and your Snyder-haters. But I just want to call out the PC SJW Hollywood Left and offer them a very fine f*ck you, and have a nice day.

Suicide Squad Review

Suicide Squad is a DCCU film starring Will Smith, Jared Leto, and Margot Robbie's ass in hot pants. Despite awful reviews, it got a higher box office in its first week than Fake Ghostbusters did in its entire theatrical run to date, because - surprise! - Margot Robbie's ass in hot pants gets more people into theaters than Melissa McCarthy's flab in a boiler suit does.

Pictured: marketing at its finest

Batman v. Superman review (Ultimate Edition, spoiler-free)

Kennedy, J., announced the judgment of the Court and delivered the opinion of the Court with respect to Parts II-A and III, in which Stevens, Souter, Ginsburg, and Breyer, JJ., joined, an opinion with respect to Parts I and IV, in which Roberts, C. J., and Alito, J., joined, an opinion with respect to Parts II-B and II-C, and an opinion with respect to Part II-D, in which Souter and Ginsburg, JJ., joined. Stevens, J., filed an opinion concurring in part and dissenting in part, in which Breyer, J., joined as to Parts I and II. Souter, J., filed an opinion concurring in part and dissenting in part, in which Ginsburg, J., joined. Breyer, J., filed an opinion concurring in part and dissenting in part. Roberts, C. J., filed an opinion concurring in part, concurring in the judgment in part, and dissenting in part, in which Alito, J., joined. Scalia, J., filed an opinion concurring in the judgment in part and dissenting in part, in which Thomas, J., joined, and in which Roberts, C. J., and Alito, J., joined as to Part III.

Obviously it's not as good as Civil War. I mean, obviously.

(I should immediately point out that there are two versions of this film: the theatrical version and the "Ultimate Edition." Having heard that the Ultimate Edition was much better, I watched that one. I have never seen the theatrical version and cannot offer a comparison between them.)

Zack Snyder was an insane choice to head up the DC Cinematic Universe. The man's best films are Sucker Punch, or: Live Action Anime in an Insane Asylum with Fanservice and a Rocking Soundtrack, and Watchmen, or: A Team of Really Dysfunctional Vigilantes and a CGI Penis, with a Rocking Soundtrack. If you told me that Snyder and David Ayer were splitting up the first three DCCU films, and one was taking two Superman titles and the third was taking Suicide Squad, a movie about a team of really dysfunctional insane vigilantes with fanservice and a rocking soundtrack, I'd tell you that obviously Snyder was taking Suicide Squad, and I don't even know who David Ayer is.

Having said all that, my biggest complaint about Man of Steel was that you chose Watchmen's director to make your Stalin biopic Superman reboot, and then churn out something fairly bland and commercial. And whatever its faults, Batman v. Superman, 548 U.S. 399 Dawn of Justice is not that.