A Blog of Thrones (Chapter 60) Jon VIII: Jon, I Am Your Great-Great-Great-Uncle

Previously on A Blog of Thrones, I ran out of ways to say what Catelyn's doing is really really shortsighted and dumb.

Jon burned the hell out of his hand saving Mormont from the zombie. (What the hell is it with George and hand injuries?) Mormont is yammering on about how a terrible winter is coming. I feel like him and Algore would get on like a house on fire. Maybe they should just trade places. Mormont also complains that ravens are only good for "grief and noise," and I for one am inclined to agree. Kill and eat the damn talking bird already! It's an abomination.

Jon's inner monologue reveals that he knows that Robb has ridden off to war. He doesn't like being left behind to freeze his balls off. Now, a few years ago, when I started this very plodding re-read, I mentioned that Jon's decision to go join the Night's Watch (you know, the decision that's one of the most important in the books) is kinda glossed over really quickly without much thought. I still don't know why he decided to come up here, other than he made a drunken decision one night and decided to stick by it. Then again, making dumbass spur-of-the-moment decisions kinda runs in his blood, y'know?

As Jon is wavering, he just happens to get a sword. How convenient. This is just me, but it strikes me as lazy writing. On the "not lazy writing" side, we also learn that Jon's childhood fantasy was to be declared a Stark. Remember this when we get to the only semi-decent plotline of A Meander With Monsters.

Jon thinks this:

[Mormont] is not my father. Lord Eddard Stark is my father. I will not forget him, no matter how many swords they give me.

1) WRONG, and 2) calling attention to lazy writing does not make it less lazy. That would be like me illustrating the point by just ending the post here.










Moving on, Jon goes and presents the sword to his friends and tries to feel as proud as he thinks he should feel. You know, Jon, you had at least four chapters to regret your Terrible Life Choice. Now you're stuck in it. Deal with it.

Ser Jaremy Rykker has died. NO! This. Will. Not. Stand. He had an awesome name.

Jon goes to see Ghost and has this thought that the other pups had driven Ghost away because he was different. What exactly are you whining about, bastard?

He had thought on it long and hard, lying abed at night while his brothers slept around him. Robb would someday inherit Winterfell, would command great armies as the Warden of the North. Bran and Rickon would be Robb's bannermen and rule holdfasts in his name. His sisters Arya and Sansa would marry the heirs of other great houses and go south as mistresses of castles of their own. But what place could a bastard hope to earn?
-Jon I

You were a glory-seeking idiot, Jon. You weren't driven out. You left. Yes, Catelyn was an obnoxious, spiteful hag, and for that you have my deepest sympathies, but Ned Stark, your father or not, would never have sent you to the Wall.

Mopey bastard.

Jon is summoned to Maester Aemon (yes, George, putting Es after all your As does indeed make them sound more exotic and fantasy-ish).

"Lord Mormont's raven likes fruit and corn.""He is a rare bird," the maester said. "Most ravens will eat grain, but they refer flesh."

Mormont's raven is a warg-host. You read it here first.

"Tell me, Jon, if the day should ever come when your lord father must needs choose between honor on the one hand and those he loves on the other, what would he do?"

Oh, George, you're so clever. That's two chapters in a row asking What Would Eddard Do?

And then Aemon casually drops the fact that he's Aemon Targaryen, and thus that there are unaccounted-for Targs out there in the world.

Gee, I wonder where another one could be hiding.