Mass Effect 3: Citadel

Okay, it had several parts I loved, two parts that were frustrating - one in a good way, one in a "I hate the jerk who thought this was entertainment" way - a plot twist that was silly, a plot twist that was brilliant, and the first boss battle since Saren way back in ME1 that hit the "enjoyably difficult" sweet spot. Ironically, of all the difficult parts of this DLC, the one that I hated was the only one that I couldn't have changed by dialing the difficulty back from Hardcore to Normal. It was cheese-tastic, but also satisfying in a way that no DLC since Shadow Broker has been.

And there's a simple reason for that last part.

It's personal. Whereas Shadow Broker was about Liara (not that I'm complaining), this DLC is all about Shepard.

Spoilers aplenty after the jump.

So we're in the latter half of the Reaper War and Hackett orders the Normandy back to the Citadel so Shepard can get some rest in Anderson's swanky apartment.  There's a term for this sort of thing, and that term is "Excuse Plot." Anyway then Shepard gets a message from Joker to meet him a a sushi bar.  This excitable new character named Brooks shows up and says someone's trying to kill Shepard. And then some people show up and try to kill Shepard. 

Now, my least favorite one of my least favorite (because there are many to choose from) parts of Mass Effect 3 the game itself is the first level. I call it the "tutorial" level because all you have is the one dinky pistol. Like, I know how to play the game, I want to get in on the Reaper-killing action already. Mass Effect 2 had a similar problem, but for reasons I can't quite explain I hate it less.  Anyway, something similar happens here. You get a pistol that doesn't do a whole lot of damage per shot and has only a six-shot clip and there are ludicrously few ammo pickups. On top of that, about a minute into proceedings you take quite a big fall and lose all but one health bar.

But I didn't hate it. This was the "good" frustrating bit. Yeah I died a lot, partly because I was playing on Hardcore and partly because I was a Soldier, so I was down to Lash and Concussive Shot once my ammo ran out. But honestly that section was more fun than just about any combat section in the vanilla game.

My decision to lock in Shepard's romance before I started the DLC was a fortuitous one, because the next thing that happens (aside from Brooks getting high on medigel and complaining about all your friends not staying off the comm) is your Love Interest shows up. Since everyone in this section has shields (or maybe that's a Hardcore thing, I don't know), I was incredibly happy that a) my FemShep had romanced Garrus, and b) I hadn't done anything silly with his Overload ability on this playthrough. (When I take a Shepard through Mass Effect 3 for a second time, I tend to do silly things, like use the starer weapons only, or evolve my squadmates' powers in ways that make the opposite of sense... or play on Hardcore difficulty, where one grenade will nearly kill you.)

After the LI, Wrex shows up. I have no idea what happens if you're not in a romance and/or Wrex is dead. But if you're not in a romance and/or Wrex is dead then your Shepard is suffering a cold dark miserable existence that not even the QA guys for the original ending deserve. There's more fighting and you have to hold out in an area for a set amount of time... but that's not the end of the combat section for the game. So already the DLC's ending is better than Mass Effect 3's ending and I haven't even gotten past the first part of it yet.

So after some investigation it's time to go talk to a guy named Khan, who-

Okay, we're back.  As I said, we need to talk to a guy named Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! who's involved with those-guys-trying-to-kill-you-who-aren't-Cerberus-or-the-Reapers. To get to him we're going to have to do Kasumi's Loyalty Mission Part Two: Extra Frustrating Edition Without Any Shooting Whatsoever.

Honestly this would not aggravate me half as much as it did if it didn't introduce an entirely new gameplay mechanic into the very last DLC ever. See, you have to run around turning off cameras and security systems, but if the guards see you, you have to go "mingle" with some party guests for a while. So it's frustrating tedium and if you screw up your reward is more frustrating tedium. I'm Commander Shepard, Council Spectre, Bane of the Reapers. I am not Commander Shepard, F*cking Boring Socialite. And this is not Shepard's Eleven. For a start, you don't get that many squadmates this time around.

So once you're done with a mission that exists solely to pad things out and allow BioWare to claim that the "mission" half of the DLC actually does take about four hours, you find that Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! has already been assassinated. But EDI and Liara are a hypercompetent A.I. and the Shadow Broker respectively, so they can glean together enough information to figure out that your mysterious nemesis is headed for the Citadel Archives. No, wait, sorry, that was how they figured out where Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! was. It was an alarm in the Citadel Archives that told your team that your mysterious nemesis was down there.

So then you have a firefight through Totally-Not-Aperture-Science-Honest only to discover that your mysterious nemesis is...

Drumroll...

A clone of Shepard.

Created by Cerberus during Project Lazarus for spare parts (yeah, okay, Miranda, you keep telling yourself that... seriously, I can't have been the only person who was hoping Shepard's LI would comment on the... possibilities), Clone!Shep has been in a coma until recently being awakened.  Oh, and she was awakened by...

Drumroll...

Brooks!

See, the attack on you in the sushi bar was an elaborate ruse to get you to use your Spectre credentials so the clone could then steal your identity. But you survived and started putting the pieces together so Brooks had to lure you into another trap.

But you're able to escape and prevent the clone from stealing the Normandy with a little help from a certain Chekhov's Gun of the most amazing caliber. I'm not going to ruin it. It's fantastic.

And then you have a brief firefight in CIC before heading down to the cargo bay to fight the clone and Brooks, and as I said back up at the top, this is the best boss battle since Saren.  Even Tela Vasir got a bit tedious (unless you were a Vanguard) because while she was a fast-moving bullet sink, there wasn't much in the way of her offensive abilities. At least, not compared to the rocket-spamming cyber-zombie Saren was. But Shepard's clone is a clone of Shepard. Whatever class you are, the clone is. This meant I got Concussive Shots to the face for a long time. And Clone!Shep has medigel, so you have to defeat it repeatedly.

Once you do, Clone asks what's the difference between you and it.

And then your squadmates answer wordlessly. Again, not going to spoil it. Best moment. Possibly the best moment in the entire game.

To borrow a behind-the-scenes phrase from another sci-fi franchise with a disappointing ending in which Tricia Helfer played a sexy robot: It's About Character, Stupid.

And then there's an extended epilogue where you can hold a party, attend Thane's memorial, and fight in the arena with some of your ME2 squad. I haven't played through all that yet.

So yes it's cheesy and the camera-hacking bit made me want to punch my screen. It's still freaking awesome and well worth the price tag.