Tuesday, January 3, 2017

New Vegas remains one of the greatest games ever made.

(with sincere apologies to Dean Martin)

I love Vegas in the springtime.
I love Vegas in the fall.
I love Vegas for the creatures of the region.
I love Vegas like it's Caesar and I'm the Legion.
I love Vegas every moment,
Every moment of the year
I love Vegas, why oh why do I love Vegas?
Because my guns are here.

Speaking of guns, here's a Fallout New Vegas PSA: If you're like me and you like shooting things from as far away as humanly possible, you want to get your hands on a unique, overbuffed Varmint Rifle called the Ratslayer. Here's how to get it.

  • Play the game normally until you get to Nipton.
  • When you get to Nipton, enter the general store.
  • Talk to Boxcars. As tempting as it may be, do not kill him.
  • Ask about what happened. Then ask about the lottery.
  • When the option comes up, ask about the slaves.
  • Exit the conversation. Restrain the impulse to kill him.
  • You'll receive a quest called "Booted." It will tell you to go to a specific Legion camp.
  • Go to the camp and head east.
  • You'll see a new location marker slightly to the north, but mostly east.
  • Enter the Broc Flower Cave and follow the path to the right.
  • If you're playing with the Wild Wasteland trait, enjoy the Princess Bride reference.
  • The Ratslayer is in a room on a ledge at the end of the path, right in front of a table.

Enjoy!


Monday, January 2, 2017

Guys we need to have a talk about Season 2 of THE FLASH

For a quick introduction to what The Flash is, watch this. I agree with probably 80% of everything until he starts talking about Season 2. Season 2 of The Flash is bad.

Really bad.

Spoilers, obvi.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Hello 2017

I'm gonna swear less and work out more and actually have this log live up to its title. Voila, "daily" post.

Status: tired.

I have some comics to catch up on, do I not? Might happen tomorrow. I have the day off.

G'night.

Monday, December 26, 2016

People who say THE FORCE AWAKENS has better characters than ROGUE ONE are off their meds

No, I really mean that. As Roger Ebert once said, a film is only as good as its villain(s), and while for my money Ma-Rey Sue is a far worse character than Space Katniss, I'll just break down the villains and show you what I mean.

I'll try to avoid spoilers for the second half of Rogue One.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Guys it is time for some #RealTalk about ROGUE ONE

Rogue One is a story where a bunch of minorities are sent off to wreck the most impressive architectural feat ever created by white dudes. In the next film, released thirty-nine years earlier, their accomplishments are papered over so two white dudes can get awards in a Triumph-of-the-Will-esque ceremony.

...You really still think the rebels are the good guys?

Leave aside for the moment the #problematic fact that if you want to play a "bad" guy in Star Wars (and who doesn't), you need to either be a white dude or James Earl Jones. Let's take a look at the Empire's goal of bringing peace and order to the galaxy. That's pretty laudable. The Jedi and the Old Republic did a pretty crap job of it. The Old Republic Senate is a mess that can't do anything about a military blockade of one of its member planets - so basically the United Nations In Space. This turns out to not be surprising - the morons running the show don't even have a standing army. They're easy prey for the first tinpot dictator who comes along.

As for the Jedi, they're a creepy child-kidnapping cult (seriously, do the parents have any say in what happens to their high medi-chlorian-count babies?) who, based on their actions in Episodes I and II, don't get too heavily involved in any conflicts unless one (or two) of their own are threatened. Their "investigation" into Qui-Gon's killer produces zero results in ten years. And don't get me started on the string of downright r*t*rd*d decisions they make in Episode III.

Good riddance to the lot of 'em, I say.

Furthermore, as much crap as the Empire's "fight an insurgency with a murderbeam mounted on a massive man-made moon" plan rightfully gets, the Rebels' plan appears to be "blow up the Death Star and call it a day." Thirty years later, the First Order shows up out of the ashes of the Empire. That'd be like Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan swinging back into action in 1975 - spoiler alert, that didn't happen. How stupid do you have to be to let something like that happen?

On top of that, compare each belligerent's attitude toward the other. Both the Tarkinite and post-Tarkinite Empire understood that the Rebellion needed to be crushed; they may have disagreed as to the means, but such a disagreement is only natural when (sorry) "Shock and Awe" comes with a quintillion-credit price tag for a mobile battle station that gets blown up the second time it sees any action. On the other hand, half the Rebellion was all "oh shit let's just surrender" when the Death Star rolled into town, and the New Republic seems to be run by (sorry) Democrats. So the Empire has an altogether more serious and coherent foreign policy.

Finally - and this is light spoilers for Rogue One - we're introduced to one of the main characters when he murders his own informant. Charming fellow. What would these people do if they ever got their hands on a Death Star? I find it hard to believe there'd be any Tarkinite restraint; they'd just go around annihilating every single planet that gave them the finger.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Guys it is time for some #realtalk about The Force Awakens

Rogue One is out, and I have not seen Rogue One yet, because apparently Disney's Star Wars Fanfic releases will always coincide with the weekend where my father's side of the family celebrates Christmas in the middle of nowhere. (I for one like visiting the middle of nowhere, but there are no movie theaters around.)

But I have noticed that, aside from the argument about whether CGI Ringwraith Tarkin was a good idea or not, reviews of Rogue One tend to want to compare it to The Force Awakens.

Ladies. Gentlemen. Little green frog creatures. The Force Awakens is awful.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Jim reads comics: Batgirl and the Birds of Prey # 4

In the span of the last two issues, Batgirl and the Birds of Prey went from being "meh" to being actually pretty darn good.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Wonder Woman Trailer!!!

Looks like Gal Gadot hit the gym.


Warrior women! NuKirk! A shout-out to the 1979 Superman! Shiny costume! Another Wonder Woman panty shot (this one even less subtle than the one in BvS)! That beautiful 7/8 guitar riff!

...um, that comic relief character at the end... (please don't let her ruin the movie please don't let her ruin the movie please don't let her ruin the movie)

This movie's gonna make or break the DCCU - I refuse to call it the DCEU, or "extended" universe, so long as it refuses to acknowledge the existence of the TV shows (which it can't do now because it has two different actors playing KGBeast, the Flash, and Deathstroke). Right now my money's on "make." Certainly thought this was a better trailer - and hinted at more of the plot - than The Force Awakens could be bothered to do.

On that note, y'all remember The Backstroke of the West? Somebody bought a pirated copy of the third nonexistent Star Wars film, Revenge of the Sith*, in Shanghai. With Chinese translations. Which were then translated back to English. Hilarity ensued.

*to be entirely honest, Sith is actually better than Jedi, metal bikini notwithstanding.

Anyway, somebody decided to reproduce it, by translating Return of the Jedi to Chinese and then back to English. The result is Hopeless Situation Return. Featuring an evangelical C-3P0 and transgender twins.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Remember when I used to do weekend songs?

Well here.

Go Cubs.

So is Arrow going back to being Batman with Archery?

Because joining the cast is Talia al-Ghul, famous for being Bruce Wayne's #2 love interest (after Selina "Catwoman" Kyle) and also the mother of his son Damian "Robin V" Wayne. (Yes, there were five frickin' Robins in the pre-Flashpoint continuity.)


Post-Craig review: Goldfinger

Goldfinger is the Donald Trump of Bond Films, and I'm not talking about the titular character being a fat swindler with a penchant for g...