Previously on A Blog of Thrones, things happened offscreen.
George is on Creepy Old Man form this time, mentioning Dany's sweaty breasts by the end of the second paragraph.
Turns out, Drogo's got a present from deal old Grandpa Nurgle. Flies are buzzing all around him and he's basically catatonic. After a page of this, he falls off his horse. It takes a special talent to stretch that out into a full page, and George has it.
Drogo's bloodriders are like "dude fell of his horse, he done," and Dany's having none of it. She tells them to tell everyone else that Drogo said to make camp here because Dany's about to give birth. They're like "ha no you are woman," and she's like "find Mirri Maz Duur," and they're like "no," and she's like "do it or I'll tell on you." Which might be a more convincing threat if Aquadroog wasn't at death's door, but here we are.
Anyway, the slaves get his tent set up. Then we get on to the pressing problem: a khal who cannot ride cannot rule. I guess we're gonna need a successor khal. I nominate Jorah.
Speaking of the Andal, Jorah shows up after another half-page of Drogo being catatonic. Dany begs him to help Drogo, which has gotta be the shittiest possible place for Ser Friendzone to find himself in. But he gets out his knife and cut's off Drogo's poison bandage, revealing a nasty, festering wound underneath. Dany has a freakout and Jorah's like "yeah we need to leave before he dies and the Dothraki send you off to join the spinster club." Dany points out that she's carrying Aquadroog Junior, and Jorah's like "yeah right. The next khal isn't gonna be this kid. It's gonna be one of the kos. Because they're grownups."
But just when he might be getting through to her, Mirri enters. Qotho blames her for Aquadroog's condition, and he ain't wrong, but Dany's being all "can you save him?" And Mirri's like "nah, he dying," and Dany says "please?" and Mirri says "well, maybe. But only death can pay for life," and Dany's like "yeah, do it."
You're trying to convince me that Dany's gonna be a wise ruler, you ain't doing it. But as I said when Game of Thrones wrapped, basically every problem I have with Dany's arc goes away once you find out she's actually the villain. So this is a pretty cool start of darkness for her.
Anyway, Mirri slaughters Drogo's horse and gets blood everywhere and then she tells Dany to leave, and she does so, and Jorah sees her bloody footprints and says, and I am quoting him verbatim here, "What have you done, you little fool?"
Jorah understands.
Qotho tries to get in the tent and totally fucking eviscerates one of Dany's bodyguards. Jorah challenges him to a duel. This is awesome. It's just a shame that Jorah had to go fall in love with the least competent and most plot-blessed twit on the planet, because I would have loved a series that was just him cutting his way across Essos.
Anyway, Dany collapses and Jorah takes her to the tent, because he's not quite as smart as I'd like him to be. The end.
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