Mad Max: Furiosa Road

If you wanted a film that was basically a ninety-minute version of the tanker chase in Licence to Kill with a proper budget, then look no further.

There are, unfortunately, three significant problems with the film. The first is that, eye-popping though the action is, it lets up rarely and briefly. The audience is rarely afforded a chance to catch their breath, and when they are, they're treated to "characterization" that, frankly, boggles. I'll get deeper into this later.

The second problem is, and it pains me to say this, certain aspects of the film's visual style. Much of the film is shot with the camera undercranked, but then messed with in the editing so that, while the characters move at more or less the right speed, their movements are staccato and somewhat off-putting. Worse is the blatant day-for-night photography in the film's middle act, which is stupidly distracting.

The third, and most problematic, is the film's well-hyped estrogen overload. This film is hailed as a feminist fantasy. Well, let's break it down.

The film's plot starts when the main protagonist, Imperator Furiosa, somehow sneaks the bad guy's wives out of his vault. Somehow. Was she allowed in there? Why was she allowed in there? Speaking of Immortan Joe's wives, how come there are Victoria's Secret models in this postapocalyptic wasteland?

Imperator Furiosa is literally the only woman in Immortan Joe's civilization who is not either a beggar or a slave. She is the only female warrior. How did she get that position? Is she transsexual? Is she a mutant freak? Is she a Slayer? Did she f*ck her way to the top? It's implied that she might have helped enslave other women, but The Naked Chick In That Cage (How Empowering!) doesn't seem to know this.

Imperator Furiosa is implied to be a better shot than Mad Max. Well, yes, having an artificial arm (how did she get that? Not "what happened to her arm?" but "who built her arm, for her?") is actually probably better than Max's shoulder in terms of things to steady your aim with. By the way, how the hell does her artificial arm work? Magic, apparently, because we see her stump at several points and there is literally nothing in the way of an interface there.

Man, Sucker Punch makes more sense than this movie.

Immortan Joe's wives, meanwhile, are all one-dimensional characters (which, okay, fair enough, only Nux the War Boy actually has any sort of explored depth whatsoever - some random babbling about "redemption" does not count, nor do obnoxiously CGI shots of a child of indeterminate gender yelling at Tom Hardy), each of whom are useful exactly once in the film. They are literally Bond Girls, flailing about in their gauzy robes and bikinis, while at the same time insisting that they are not "things," presumably meaning "objects for male enjoyment." As female characters in a nitro-charged action film, of course, that is precisely what they are. (So... Sucker Punch was also better at being a feminist movie.) Furiosa stands apart from them by adopting traditionally male qualities.

Face it, feminists, Furiosa could have been played by a male actor and, not only would it not have changed a bloody thing, but the plot would have actually made more sense.

"Oh!" you're about to say, "what about the Vagina Monologues Motorcycle Gang Out In The Middle Of Nowhere Who Use A Naked Woman In A Cage (How Empowering!) As Bait?" They're fairly old crones who, again, each get exactly one moment of Being Useful before they are summarily killed, their usefulness having ended. Were they necessary to the movie at all? Well, you needed someone to point out that the Green Place had been annihilated, which the oh-so-competent Furiosa could have done, provided she, in her infinite foresight, remembered to bring a compass and a map.

Meanwhile, Max goes from "prisoner" to "driver" to "hired muscle" and finally "the only guy with any sort of plan." Because, again, Furiosa's plan was...

1) somehow get five attractive women in gauzy bikinis into a big truck.
2) drive that truck across the desert with a War Boy escort.
   2a) If Immortan Joe cottons onto what she's done, pray that her War Boy escort fights his War Boy troopers, even though Immortan Joe has built an entire religion around himself.
   2b) if Immortan Joe does not cotton on, somehow ditch her War Boy escort before reaching The Pass Where She Told That Biker Gang That She'd Show Up Alone.
3) Show up in the Green Place with five women, at least two of whom are pregnant, who probably have no marketable skills beyond being sex slaves.
4) when the Green Place turns out to have been destroyed ("Who killed the world," Vagina Monologues Motorcycle Gang Out In The Middle Of Nowhere Who Use A Naked Woman In A Cage (How Empowering!) As Bait?), keep driving away until you run out of gas, apparently.

Oh, and Heroine Furiosa gets stabbed in the back (check out the geometry of this scene; the stabber has to get past every single one of the wives in the truck at this point, and not one of them lift a finger to stop him. Strong Female Characters or pretty eye-candy? You decide) and Max has to save her. Hrm.

Now, this "she saves him, he saves her" thing is inoffensive, and I wouldn't spill so much digital ink over it, but the film goes out of its way, both with the repeated refrain of "who killed the world" and the Vagina Monologues Motorcycle Gang Out In The Middle Of Nowhere Who Use A Naked Woman In A Cage (How Empowering!) As Bait, to shove FEMINISM down our throats. Like, this is what all of the "breathers" in the film amount to.

Well, that and giving Mr. "What A Lovely Day" a character arc.

It was a good movie and I liked it, kinda. I would have liked it more if every time-out from its interminable mind-numbing chase scene wasn't "look how evil men/good women are!"

Still, the music was badass. Anybody want to take a souped-up muscle car for a joyride in a desert?