Mass Effect 3 comes out in a week and a half. I'm excited, but I have doubts that it'll live up to Mass Effect 2's standard of awesome. Which is not to say that Mass Effect 2 was perfect, but it was pretty close. The problem is that unless this is a 100+ hour game, you're going to be killing a Reaper every hour or so (compared to one per game* in the previous two installments), which is going to make them seem like considerably less a threat than they've been up to this point.
*In ME2, you destroy the derelict Reaper (which isn't technically alive) and the human-Reaper fetus (which is incomplete). In my world, that adds up to one.
Still, I'm excited about ME3, and the best way I can think of to celebrate its imminent release is to rank the six DLC missions from Mass Effect 2. There are some basic criteria I'll be using here.
Storytelling: Is the story of the DLC engaging, and how well does it tie in with the rest of Mass Effect 2? (5 points)
Gameplay: How challenging is the mission? Alternatively, how frustrating is the mission? (5 points)
KPM: What is the kill-per-minute ratio? This is kind of a subset of "Gameplay," but I felt I needed to separate it because it's important to me. (3 points)
Quality: Is it at all obvious that the programmers cut any corners? Is it up to snuff? (2 points)
I'm not using the same scale that I use in my other reviews, but rather ranking the missions relative to each other. Okay, with all that in mind, let's jump right in.
(Oh, and as a side note; I'll try just to refer to Shepard as "Shepard," rather than "he" or "she," but I might slip up somewhere.)
6) "Stealing Memory"
I should get this out of the way right off the bat; there's not a single piece of DLC for this game that I actually hate. But something's got to come in last, and it's this one. Let's break it down:
Storytelling: You're going to recover memories of Kasumi's lover. These memories happen to be inextricably linked to critical data that could compromise the Alliance. That is already totally baffling to me. I know that the human brain doesn't record data in a linear fashion, but I also know that data, especially in digital form, can be easily manipulated. The heist itself is kind of impressive, but it just doesn't seem to tie in very much to the rest of the story. 2/5.
Gameplay: The first half of the mission has you running around disabling security around Hock's vault. The thrill of this wears off very quickly when it becomes obvious that you're not going to be caught. You can have a shoot-out in the man's bedroom and then carry on a conversation with him. Things pick up slightly once you have the graybox, but you're limited to one squadmate, and her special ability often leaves your flank vulnerable. Aside from her one special attack, Kasumi is fairly weak (because they didn't want you to have an overpowered squadmate the rest of the time). 2/5.
KPM: Negligible in the first half. Picks up in the second. 1/3.
Quality: Hock's accent makes me laugh. Other than that, the limitations of the story and gameplay work in its advantage here - because there are no other squadmates, you don't miss their dialogue. 1/2.
Final score: 6/15.
5) "Arrival."
It's not a good sign to me that the last DLC mission blew up so badly.
Storytelling: Ties directly in to the overall story and bridges the gap between 2 and 3 quite nicely. That said, if Kenson's been indoctrinated by the Reapers before you rescued her (and that's obvious once you get back to her base), why does she a) tell the batarians that she needs to destroy the relay, and b) let you anywhere near the facility that could destroy the relay? 4/5.
Gameplay: The first five minutes of the mission, where you're sneaking into the batarian base, is everything that Thane's and/or Kasumi's loyalty missions should have been. Everything after that is repetitive and frustrating. There's no good reason (other than the one I'll get to in "Quality") why your squadmates couldn't have helped you break out of the facility. 2/5.
KPM: Much better. You have to yak at Kenson a lot, and you can't kill the batarians if you're sneaking in, but that's negligable. 3/3.
Quality: Ugh. If you call the Normandy, you get a recycled voice clip because they couldn't bother bringing Seth Green back for the DLC. This is also the reason why your squadmates don't rescue you, if I had to guess. 0/2.
Final Score: 9/15.
4: "Firewalker"
This is so different from the other ones that it's harder to judge. But here we go...
Storytelling: You're using a hover-tank to hunt down prothean artifacts because they could give you valuable info on the Reapers. Fair enough. It falls apart a bit at the end because Drs. Cayce and O'Loy were never fleshed out as characters - we only knew them from their logs - so when one becomes indoctrinated and the other commits murder-suicide, it comes as an odd and unnecessary twist. 3/5.
Gameplay: Different, that's for sure. I would have liked to be able to see the Hammerhead's shield meter, and having unlimited ammunition here kind of seems odd. Not too challenging or frustrating, but aside from that one level where your engines could freeze if you took too long, it was a tad too repetitive. Not as repetitive as Arrival, since you could break the missions up with other stuff. 4/5.
KPM: The thrill of being in a hover-tank kind of negates the need to murder pixels every few seconds. 2/3.
Quality: Again, the lack of squadmate commentary is a bit odd. They tried to cover for it with the voice-logs, but Shepard's band are usually a talkative bunch. 1/2.
Final score: 10/15
3: "Overlord"
"To reduce workplace stress, music has been approved." Seems like that gag belongs in Portal, not Mass Effect, but whatever.
Storytelling: It's a Cerberus assignment, so if you get this after you destroy the Collector Base and alienate the Illusive Man, it's a bit jarring. Dr. Archer won't shut up about his brother's "autistic mind," and it's obvious from early on that the AI is screaming "please make it stop." The decision to go all Tron on us for the last part is also a questionable one. However, I'm nitpicking the execution. The actual story, in which a man forcibly turns his autistic brother into a computer, demonstrates just how monstrous Cerberus is and serves as a very appropriate turning point for Shepard if you do the mission at the right time. 3/5.
Gameplay: Check. You have your entire squad with you for the bulk of the mission. The final boss-fight can be frustrating, but I don't see how the designers could have kept that level design and let you have your squad with you; there's just not enough cover in that room. 4/5.
KPM: 2/3.
Quality: Here, your squadmates tend to the dead, even if they're curiously mute about it. The final confrontation takes place without them, so their commentary is unnecessary. Dr. Archer does a good enough job as mission control that you probably wouldn't notice... unless you brought Miranda or Jacob and expected a Cerberus operative to comment on the setup. For whatever reason, the Overlord theme - what I'm calling the main score, and the part that plays during the final cutscene - reminds me of the theme to Star Trek: First Contact. Which is extremely appropriate. 2/2.
Final Score: 11/15
2: "The Price of Revenge"
Storytelling: Let's get this out of the way. Zaeed is Garrus plus 20 years and minus a friendship with Shepard. He does exactly what Renegade Shep would do during the first confrontation with Vido. Hearing the screams of the burning workers if you take the renegade path is a fantastic if grisly touch. Doesn't tie in overtly with the rest of ME2, but then again, most of the loyalty missions don't. 5/5.
Gameplay: The last section, with the burning fuel tanks, is both new and frustrating. Too many flamethrowers. On the plus side, your squad is with you the whole way - even though this is a case where you could have gotten by with just Zaeed, since he's a tad overpowered. 4/5.
KPM: The shortest of the DLCs is of course going to get a perfect score here. 3/3.
Quality: Squadmates tend to be pretty quiet on other people's loyalty missions, unless they're making jokes. Burning people alive = not a laughing matter. On the minus side, it's short - really, really short - and the music is all recycled from the main game (mostly from Thane's recruitment mission, but there's a snippet each from Samara and Legion). 1/2.
Final Score: 13/15
1) "Lair of the Shadow Broker"
Storytelling: Liara's back! Which is awesome if you romanced the squid-headed Smurf in the previous game, and only slightly less so if you didn't. It's an epic roaring rampage of revenge, with betrayal, hope, and clever deduction. Suddenly, Liara's Sherlock Holmes. Having her as the new Shadow Broker is obviously going to be important two weeks from now. 5/5.
Gameplay: Everything that "Stealing Memory" did wrong is done right here. You don't get to take Liara with you outside of this mission, so they can make her nicely overpowered (Stasis, anyone?) The investigation bit at the beginning takes about a third of the time as a similar bet in "Stealing Memory." The only real let-down is the Shadow Broker fight itself, which can be frustrating if you don't know a secret about his room (the railings at the back are indestructable), and a bit too repetitive if you do. This is more than made up for by the Tela Vasir fight, which is easily the best in the game, I don't care what anyone else says. 5/5.
KPM: Well, I have to be fair here. This is the longest DLC, but it's also got a fair number of cut-scenes and an investigation bit at the beginning where you're not killing anything. This is made up for by the strength of the story, but I still do need to knock it down for that. 2/3.
Quality: They've ghosted in a line from one of your squadmates when the building explodes. I can't find the source, so bravo. The music builds on the score from "Overlord," but replaces the slightly mournful theme with a much more menacing one for the Shadow Broker. 2/2.
Final Score: 14/15.
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