No, I really mean that. As Roger Ebert once said, a film is only as good as its villain(s), and while for my money Ma-Rey Sue is a far worse character than Space Katniss, I'll just break down the villains and show you what I mean.
I'll try to avoid spoilers for the second half of Rogue One.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Guys it is time for some #RealTalk about ROGUE ONE
Rogue One is a story where a bunch of minorities are sent off to wreck the most impressive architectural feat ever created by white dudes. In the next film, released thirty-nine years earlier, their accomplishments are papered over so two white dudes can get awards in a Triumph-of-the-Will-esque ceremony.
...You really still think the rebels are the good guys?
Leave aside for the moment the #problematic fact that if you want to play a "bad" guy in Star Wars (and who doesn't), you need to either be a white dude or James Earl Jones. Let's take a look at the Empire's goal of bringing peace and order to the galaxy. That's pretty laudable. The Jedi and the Old Republic did a pretty crap job of it. The Old Republic Senate is a mess that can't do anything about a military blockade of one of its member planets - so basically the United Nations In Space. This turns out to not be surprising - the morons running the show don't even have a standing army. They're easy prey for the first tinpot dictator who comes along.
As for the Jedi, they're a creepy child-kidnapping cult (seriously, do the parents have any say in what happens to their high medi-chlorian-count babies?) who, based on their actions in Episodes I and II, don't get too heavily involved in any conflicts unless one (or two) of their own are threatened. Their "investigation" into Qui-Gon's killer produces zero results in ten years. And don't get me started on the string of downright r*t*rd*d decisions they make in Episode III.
Good riddance to the lot of 'em, I say.
Furthermore, as much crap as the Empire's "fight an insurgency with a murderbeam mounted on a massive man-made moon" plan rightfully gets, the Rebels' plan appears to be "blow up the Death Star and call it a day." Thirty years later, the First Order shows up out of the ashes of the Empire. That'd be like Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan swinging back into action in 1975 - spoiler alert, that didn't happen. How stupid do you have to be to let something like that happen?
On top of that, compare each belligerent's attitude toward the other. Both the Tarkinite and post-Tarkinite Empire understood that the Rebellion needed to be crushed; they may have disagreed as to the means, but such a disagreement is only natural when (sorry) "Shock and Awe" comes with a quintillion-credit price tag for a mobile battle station that gets blown up the second time it sees any action. On the other hand, half the Rebellion was all "oh shit let's just surrender" when the Death Star rolled into town, and the New Republic seems to be run by (sorry) Democrats. So the Empire has an altogether more serious and coherent foreign policy.
Finally - and this is light spoilers for Rogue One - we're introduced to one of the main characters when he murders his own informant. Charming fellow. What would these people do if they ever got their hands on a Death Star? I find it hard to believe there'd be any Tarkinite restraint; they'd just go around annihilating every single planet that gave them the finger.
...You really still think the rebels are the good guys?
Leave aside for the moment the #problematic fact that if you want to play a "bad" guy in Star Wars (and who doesn't), you need to either be a white dude or James Earl Jones. Let's take a look at the Empire's goal of bringing peace and order to the galaxy. That's pretty laudable. The Jedi and the Old Republic did a pretty crap job of it. The Old Republic Senate is a mess that can't do anything about a military blockade of one of its member planets - so basically the United Nations In Space. This turns out to not be surprising - the morons running the show don't even have a standing army. They're easy prey for the first tinpot dictator who comes along.
As for the Jedi, they're a creepy child-kidnapping cult (seriously, do the parents have any say in what happens to their high medi-chlorian-count babies?) who, based on their actions in Episodes I and II, don't get too heavily involved in any conflicts unless one (or two) of their own are threatened. Their "investigation" into Qui-Gon's killer produces zero results in ten years. And don't get me started on the string of downright r*t*rd*d decisions they make in Episode III.
Good riddance to the lot of 'em, I say.
Furthermore, as much crap as the Empire's "fight an insurgency with a murderbeam mounted on a massive man-made moon" plan rightfully gets, the Rebels' plan appears to be "blow up the Death Star and call it a day." Thirty years later, the First Order shows up out of the ashes of the Empire. That'd be like Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan swinging back into action in 1975 - spoiler alert, that didn't happen. How stupid do you have to be to let something like that happen?
On top of that, compare each belligerent's attitude toward the other. Both the Tarkinite and post-Tarkinite Empire understood that the Rebellion needed to be crushed; they may have disagreed as to the means, but such a disagreement is only natural when (sorry) "Shock and Awe" comes with a quintillion-credit price tag for a mobile battle station that gets blown up the second time it sees any action. On the other hand, half the Rebellion was all "oh shit let's just surrender" when the Death Star rolled into town, and the New Republic seems to be run by (sorry) Democrats. So the Empire has an altogether more serious and coherent foreign policy.
Finally - and this is light spoilers for Rogue One - we're introduced to one of the main characters when he murders his own informant. Charming fellow. What would these people do if they ever got their hands on a Death Star? I find it hard to believe there'd be any Tarkinite restraint; they'd just go around annihilating every single planet that gave them the finger.
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Guys it is time for some #realtalk about The Force Awakens
Rogue One is out, and I have not seen Rogue One yet, because apparently Disney's Star Wars Fanfic releases will always coincide with the weekend where my father's side of the family celebrates Christmas in the middle of nowhere. (I for one like visiting the middle of nowhere, but there are no movie theaters around.)
But I have noticed that, aside from the argument about whether CGI Ringwraith Tarkin was a good idea or not, reviews of Rogue One tend to want to compare it to The Force Awakens.
Ladies. Gentlemen. Little green frog creatures. The Force Awakens is awful.
But I have noticed that, aside from the argument about whether CGI Ringwraith Tarkin was a good idea or not, reviews of Rogue One tend to want to compare it to The Force Awakens.
Ladies. Gentlemen. Little green frog creatures. The Force Awakens is awful.
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