Saturday, December 5, 2009
I am le wrong
Well, okay technically, I was right, the phrase was in the episode. But let's face it, that's not what I mean. Then again, the only time I was able to accurately predict what insane plot twist Joss Whedon was throwing my way was, ironically, when Mal said "they're not gonna see this coming" in Serenity.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Whedonist ramblings, part 1
Dollhouse, that show about sex slaves that nobody watches and is thus never going to get another season, returns briefly to our screens for the next two months. Given what I know about who's going to be in these episodes (and who's not going to be in episodes after the ones airing tonight), I won't be at all surprised if we hear the line "there are three flowers in a vase" come up tonight. Just sayin'.
That was going to be the extent of my post until I read yet another cracked.com article making fun of Twilight. The fact that it threw Spike in there as an example of an anti-Edward at first didn't gel; as any Buffy fan can tell you, Spike was the most whipped former badass of all time until Edward came along. Then it occured to me that mid-Season Five Spike (I'm thinking specifically the episode "Triangle," where he wants credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims, but that just shows you how much of an unforgivable geek I am) is still more badass than Edward. When your main vampire is more pathetic than a chipped, whipped whiner, you're not doing anyone any favors. To round off my descent into unforgivable nerdhood: Spike may be love's bitch, but he's man enough to admit it.
Also? Football good. No beat scrawny geek up, cavemen. Please?
That was going to be the extent of my post until I read yet another cracked.com article making fun of Twilight. The fact that it threw Spike in there as an example of an anti-Edward at first didn't gel; as any Buffy fan can tell you, Spike was the most whipped former badass of all time until Edward came along. Then it occured to me that mid-Season Five Spike (I'm thinking specifically the episode "Triangle," where he wants credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims, but that just shows you how much of an unforgivable geek I am) is still more badass than Edward. When your main vampire is more pathetic than a chipped, whipped whiner, you're not doing anyone any favors. To round off my descent into unforgivable nerdhood: Spike may be love's bitch, but he's man enough to admit it.
Also? Football good. No beat scrawny geek up, cavemen. Please?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
New Market Enterprises Product #807353076260
What follows is a work of fiction.
We here at New Market Enterprises have been working on a new sort of gun. It's part disintegrator, part mind-control ray, and its intended use is 1) to play inappropriate jokes on college drunkards and 2) to publicly embarass our enemies.
What Product #807353076260 does is remove the target's clothing, while inducing the target to think, no matter what evidence to the contrary, that they are still fully clothed. We're calling it the Emperor's New Gun.
Now some of you, our corporate financers, might be wondering why we've made such an immature piece of technology. Surely, you say, we're just going to go around zapping every hot girl we see. We would like to assure you that we are professional scientists and take our work very seriously. We would never use our science for nefarious purposes. Any e-mails you might have read to the contrary are blatant lies foisted on you by a vast right-wing conspiracy.
And at any rate, we've had some problems in the testing stage, so even if we wanted to (and we don't), we couldn't make the 6 o'clock news by turning innocent girls into indecent exposure criminals. Maybe that would be on late night news instead, because of the risque content. Anyway, that's not happening.
What happened was this: the blast radius is too big. Scientists could detect no change in the clothing of our (totally willing) test subject. Ethan Sanderson, after a minute of staring intently at the subject, abruptly stood up and ran to a supply closet. After a muffled discussion it was revealed that Doctor Sanderson was convinced that everyone had been hit by the ray, and that everyone was now naked an unaware of it.
It soon became evident, as personell not present during the initial test entered the testing area, that only the subject was no longer clothed. All of the scientists were hit merely by the mind-control ray and forced to believe, as the subject did, that she was still wearing clothes.
Doctor Lawrence Vaughan has suggested that we implement the device on a global scale, for no better reason than "it will make an excellent literary allegory." The Science Division was reminded that Doctor Vaughan's doctorate is in Literary Studies, and therefore "not real." His suggestion was ignored and he was sent back to the library.
We'd just like to point out again that we will not do as Doctor Vaughan suggests, nor will we employ the device at all outside of laboratory conditions in the foreseeable future.
Meanwhile, it has been twenty-six hours and we have not been able to coax Doctor Sanderson out of the supply closet.
-Doctor Foster
We here at New Market Enterprises have been working on a new sort of gun. It's part disintegrator, part mind-control ray, and its intended use is 1) to play inappropriate jokes on college drunkards and 2) to publicly embarass our enemies.
What Product #807353076260 does is remove the target's clothing, while inducing the target to think, no matter what evidence to the contrary, that they are still fully clothed. We're calling it the Emperor's New Gun.
Now some of you, our corporate financers, might be wondering why we've made such an immature piece of technology. Surely, you say, we're just going to go around zapping every hot girl we see. We would like to assure you that we are professional scientists and take our work very seriously. We would never use our science for nefarious purposes. Any e-mails you might have read to the contrary are blatant lies foisted on you by a vast right-wing conspiracy.
And at any rate, we've had some problems in the testing stage, so even if we wanted to (and we don't), we couldn't make the 6 o'clock news by turning innocent girls into indecent exposure criminals. Maybe that would be on late night news instead, because of the risque content. Anyway, that's not happening.
What happened was this: the blast radius is too big. Scientists could detect no change in the clothing of our (totally willing) test subject. Ethan Sanderson, after a minute of staring intently at the subject, abruptly stood up and ran to a supply closet. After a muffled discussion it was revealed that Doctor Sanderson was convinced that everyone had been hit by the ray, and that everyone was now naked an unaware of it.
It soon became evident, as personell not present during the initial test entered the testing area, that only the subject was no longer clothed. All of the scientists were hit merely by the mind-control ray and forced to believe, as the subject did, that she was still wearing clothes.
Doctor Lawrence Vaughan has suggested that we implement the device on a global scale, for no better reason than "it will make an excellent literary allegory." The Science Division was reminded that Doctor Vaughan's doctorate is in Literary Studies, and therefore "not real." His suggestion was ignored and he was sent back to the library.
We'd just like to point out again that we will not do as Doctor Vaughan suggests, nor will we employ the device at all outside of laboratory conditions in the foreseeable future.
Meanwhile, it has been twenty-six hours and we have not been able to coax Doctor Sanderson out of the supply closet.
-Doctor Foster
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