Funnyfarm, WI - Students at Funnyfarm University have resorted to burning their computers to protest the college's notoriously slow internet connection. "We have historical precedent for doing this," says Ellen Strick, '10. "For example, in the 80s, religious folks would burn their metal albums to protest the satanic lyrics. In the 90s, anarchists burned corporate headquarters to protest employment. We're just continuing the trend."
Meanwhile, Bobby Davis, '11, says, "Look, I never thought much of the Oscars, but that's not to say I burn them, I just don't watch them. True art doesn't even make it to the screen, man. But I got sidetracked. Violence is not the answer, man."
"That's precisely your problem!" shouts Alexander Smith, '09 (courses incomplete), a fraternity member. "You'll never get their attention if you just shut up! We must burn our computers and modems and then, when the administration gets faster ones, everyone will be happier. And we can make the pledges pay for the upgrades, of course."
Bobby Davis said something else at this point, but Smith made "Baa baa" noises that completely drowned out any insight Davis may have had about the back of his hand.
Jennifer Drake, '12, suggests that once all the computers are burned, "we will be able to commune with nature once again." Campus security asked her to please put her clothes back on, but they were drowned out by Smith and his frat brothers, who were whistling loudly.
"This is all nonsense anyway," says Professor Hank Ferguson. "Once they burn down their dorms, we'll have to ask for even more federal subsidies to re-build them. God forbid I ever take a pay cut just because all the students of my political science class are deluded, violent anarchists."
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